If I could sleep anywhere,
I would sleep in a world where you can close your eyes and never have to open them again.
Because on harsh days where I feel like my spirit is crushed , I just want to sleep forever.
Life is perfect when I’m sleep, but when I wake up.
All the times I tried to feel the release of my soul leaving my body, I always failed.
Then when I wake up, in the hospital looking and feeling dumb, I always feel the same..
******..
And even though you broke my heart in real life.
In my dreams , I am the one hurting you, I can control what happens.
But when I wake up I still love you..
And when you decided to end your life without warning signs.
I tried to wake you up, but you found that world.
And chose to sleep forever.
And for that I’ll never forgive you.
Whats crazy is , when I try to find that same world so I could be with you.
I always wake up
......

There is a girl that I love but she left me
She broke my heart now I feel untrusting
I tried to give her the world but she don’t love me
I cried my eyes dry
She said she didn’t want me
The whole relationship wasn’t even perfect
You did some things to me, I feel like I deserved it.
When you put ya hands on me
I really deserved it
You said you hated yaself
And I felt that
You wanted to be loved And I tried to give you that
But you’d rather go be with people who wanna treat you bad
And I don’t know why you are this way and it makes me sad
I just wanted to do everything I could to make you happy
And I thought that last incident was what you wanted so I did it for you
And look now it ****** us up
Cause it hurt you and now you hate me
I’m not ashamed to say that I still love you
Even though we been thru things I still **** with you
Nobody will ever understand why I **** with you
You took me from a bad place to try to give me a better life
I promise you I will never stop loving you.
I always tell you that you deserve the world and you don’t believe it
But you do.
I just want you to give me a chance to prove it to you
You said I’m not helping you and that **** hurts
You said all I do is make yo life worse
And when I read that text it really hurt
Cause since day one I always put you first
And
I wish I could clone myself so I could give you a new me
Maybe that version will better
I feel like a ****** person,
Baby I hurt ya feelings and you didn’t deserve it
I never mess up so this is all new to me
I regret everything and I hope that you see it
I’m sorry I love you and I really mean it
All I ever want is for you to be next to me
All I want is for you to be with me
And if we can’t be together be my bestie
Until we can fall back in together

Cause this love I have for you won’t ever go away.
And Yes this is a public apology
To you from me.

While he is stretched out in bed sleeping peacefully,
She is wide awake, sitting up straight,
Thinking….
About how once upon a time ago she used to love him inside out.
How she loved his head that is full of curls.
And is dimple that formed when he smiled.
How nothing, I mean NOTHING could compare to the cute tiny kisses he would give her on her cheek.
But then as time when on she started to hate him.
Every-time he reached out to touch her,
She tensed up and placed her hand limp in his.
And meeting his family was a simple fake smile, she said “hi” and kept it pushing.
They’re conversations with each other were dull and boring.
Matter of fact, she barely spoke at all.

And he always wondered why?

I think you are the most beautiful person ever
Every feature of you is like a melody
Beautiful and mesmerizing
And I look forward to seeing your smile
That’s what keeps me going throughout the day.
And although you may think nothing of it
When you put your hand up to the glass to “touch” hands;
It’s a special moment for me
Because you smile while doing it and I feel like there’s a part of you that thinks it’s kind of special too.
Just not as much as me.
And you’re the first person to ever make me nervous.
Just looking at you makes my heart race
And sometimes I’m at a loss for words.
I’ve never felt like this before.
You make me feel like there is a rainbow at the end of a bad thunderstorm
You make me feel happier around you, because normally I’m sad.
And you’re so full of character and kindness.
Oh god your kindness makes me feel like I’m in a dream, because your kindness is so pure.
You let me speak my mind, and you don’t judge me no matter what I say.
*** and your laugh , I literally just heard it while writing this.
Your laugh makes me smile so hard.
This is why I like you.
Although I shouldn’t.
There are rare cases like this where the person actually gets a chance with their crush
But I know it won’t happen for me which *****.
And because your beautiful and older than me; what chance do I have?
Absolutely zero
Maybe 5%.

Sometimes I cry thinking about you and it’s because I care that much.
I just wish you knew exactly how I feel.

And even though my feelings will obviously be either rejected or hurtful, or maybe you’d give me a chance?
I want you apart of my life forever.
And even though it’s kind of forbidden.
I’d still want you to know how I feel.

So if you ever come across this poem

Just know that my feelings are 100% true

When he gave me roses;
I passed his flowers onto someone else.
And when I gave him money so he could buy himself nice things;
He spent it on another person.
We loved each other but we weren’t “in love”
Holding hands meant nothing to us.
In fact, it felt like we were forced to; like younger siblings almost.
At family gatherings our tight-lipped smiles and clasped hands had everyone fooled.
And laying in bed together meant nothing because we slept with our backs facing each other.
Our families were expecting a bundle of joy, so with tears in our eyes, we took one night to create it.
A baby that was created so our families couldn't figure out our secrets.



(The Gay-Straight couple)

If your love runs out,
Don't give up so fast on me…
We can try to get that love back.
We can share mine.
My love is endless for you.
Whenever you need a refill just tell me and I'll go half with you.

IM SORRY
January 27th, 2019 at 12:01 AM

I wasn’t good enough
I wasn’t smart enough
I wasn’t close enough
I wasn’t strong enough
I wasn’t happy enough to keep you happy
I was stupid and did actions on impulse
And now you’re gone…

I wish I could rewind
It’s killing me
I don't want anyone else
I only care about you
I love you, I’m sorry I didn’t show it better

Every notification I get, I pray it's from you.

**** my heart really hurt right now

Really crazy to say that I can't truly be happy without you.

You asked how did I take my mind off things,
So I cut my skin open to show you
And when I bled in your arms
You held me tight and told me that I didn't need to do that anymore.

Young 20 year old, eyes low and sad
they wondered why he chose music
it became his passion, it was all he had.
He turned to near-death experiences to lessons
and become stronger inside and out.
His songs?
Like tunnels, deeper and deeper
hitting you hard like heavy bricks
inspiration swelled in our chest
and us, your fans screamed
"IM STILL ALIVE BECAUSE OF X!!!"
June 18th came along and you have ripped away,
that bullet that hit you tore holes in our hearts.
Who could we turn to for depression help now?
Who would fill our hearts and minds now?
With fresh tears in our eyes and sadness swelled in our chests,
we put your music on and listen to build new inspiration
and show people your vision

They say we are toxic to each other as you lace your fingers through mine
&
When I look deep into your eyes I can tell that they are right
You are the drug that I can't get away from.
You lift my spirits but as soon as your gone, my mood crashes down
Our disagreements turn into petty arguments and fists fly
The speakers of our voice boxes burst open and ears are covered.
The acid pours out our eyes and drips onto the floor
And one of us walks away,
Usually, it's me first.
The floor beneath you starts to melt, and one look back to you makes me stop walking away.
Your scent pulls me closer and our fingers are entwined again.

The acid starts dripping from our eyes again .
But this time they fall on our hands, melting us.
Us together

Everyone keeps saying "Don't
But I do it anyway.
Because I love you

It’s always you

When we break apart and start to move on, my heart tells me no.
It’s always you and I didn’t know that you affected me that bad.      In their eyes I see you
    Holding their hand is useless cause my fingers to ache for yours.
And when I cry, it's you who I want to hold me tight.
Lying to myself is easier than admitting that I need you.
Because every corner I turn, I half expect to see you there.
When I look at him smiling, it's because my eyes have played tricks on me and I see you instead.
You are MY drug and I’m addicted
No rehab will not help.
Therapy cannot erase our memories.
This new guy can’t love me like you can
This new girl cant either.

I’ve been saying “I love you” to these new people hoping that they would pass the message onto you.

So when will you realize it?

Instead of arguing about the “L” word,
We argue about why the refrigerator door was left open,
Why our clothes smell like cigarette smoke,
Instead of arguing about the fact that we barely see each other
We argue about social media posts,
Then we clash and hurtful words are said.
While tears run down our faces, one of us always walks away.

So then one of us apologize.
With a motion of a hand, we call each other over and offer a small smile.
Our lips read “I love you” as we pull each other closer,
Your wrap your fingers around mine and respond with a kiss.

The usual “I would do anything for you” is spoken out loud, and as people stare at us making faces, we don't care.

We kiss again and all is forgiven.

Understand that I can love you to death & never speak to you again‼️

I looked at her and said; "Of course I love you with all my heart, but I'm starting to love her too and I dont know what to do..."

How can I say I love you when the thought of you makes me cringe and my heart beats wildly from fear?

Waking up to loud voices in my ears,
Wild thoughts swimming in my head.
"Do it, do it!" the voices seem to shout in my ear.
I want to die but I also want to live.
I have cut my skin open and turned my blood into gifts for you and everyone else.
The air has been ****** out my lungs and into the mouths of those who begged for air.
My eyes are gone, they were taken to be used to see the good in everyone else but myself.
It's draining seeing my bones broken and used for tools to carve engravings.
My sacred place sitting in between my thighs being used as a rest stop for those to feed themselves until they are full
My heart being put together just to be broken apart like a puzzle.
At certain moments my feet are dragged to a place surrounded by water and I'm tempted to jump.
"Jump, why won't you jump?"
"**** yourself, why won't you do it yet!?"
The 30 pills all piled up in my stomach, my heart rate slowing down.
I pass out but soon I ******* wake up.
I let myself sink to the bottom of the pool, but someone saves me.
One bullet left in the gun, but its snatched away and the last bullet is wasted in the air.
30 more pills are separated into 15, a final effort to stop me.
It still hurts sometimes to feel the light healing scars on my neck from the cords.
Tears are permanently painted on my face.
Disconnected from the world
Disconnected from the human race
Disconnected from me.

She'll never see this
but,
I'm falling for you.
There's something about you that makes me want to live a little bit longer.
You got a past but despite it,
you're still standing strong.
You're the reason why I'm still hanging on, even though I was supposed to let go a long time ago.
I'm being honest, I've never met anyone like you

I was given a puzzle to complete.
but..
The pieces aren't staying together anymore.
They keep falling apart.
As soon as one gets placed, another breaks off.
It hurts as I keep forcing pieces together.
Just as multiple pieces break I feel pain.
The pieces are dripping red like blood.
My white shirt is now stained red.
On my chest where my heart should have been is now a hole.
I grit my teeth.
I am determined to finish this puzzle.
I feel my air being cut short as I press hard.
Pieces forced into place as tears gush like a river down my face.
My lungs are giving up.
My stomach feels tight.
My fingers dripping with blood.
As the last bit of air is freed from my lungs,
I push the last piece in the center.
I look down dying as I look at what I put together.
Every piece has a memory plastered on it.
The shape is a heart.
Mine.
The middle piece glows and suddenly the hole in my chest is restored.
I can breathe again.

My eyes tear up at every thought of you.
My skin burns from the self-harm inflicted over you.
Rivers of endless tears are created when photos of you are brought to the surface,
but I was told I didn't really love you.
If I did,  I would have let you go be free.
I would have opened your cage when you started pulling away.
The pain you brought on me, I should have known.
You wanted to be free.
And I apologize.
I wanted you all to myself.
Your smile, your laugh
The stars you created with your looks.
I always heard that if you really love someone then you would let them go.
I didn't.
I love you way too much.
Even though you are gone now, swept up it the clear mist.
I am still holding on.
Holding you deep in my heart.
Every time I try to explain why I can't let you go, they just shake their heads and say;
"You was not really in love."