i found the girl who
felt things too deeply
and instead of burying her
back inside
where she had resided
for a decade
i cherished and nurtured her
and told her it was okay to come out


i found the girl who bore
a fragile heart
and gave too much of
her soul away
she could only see
the good in others
and through loss and rejection
she learned she was too sensitive
to exist in this world


i found the girl who lost
her softness
she swallowed pills
and smoked
to stop feeling
she took a blade
to her own wrist
to make herself go away
she swallowed rivers of
emotion within
and wore armour over her chest
to be more like everyone else


but
i was no longer ashamed
of the little girl
with temper tantrums
broken daydreams
and sad eyes
who felt deeply —
all she ever needed
was love and acceptance


so i found myself
i found the girl who was once lost
i uncovered all the parts of her
and set her free

her tears fell to the floor
like rose petals,
covering the salty earth
with reddish hues.

she opened her mouth to scream,
but the words
refused to leave her burning lips.

she took another drag of her poison,
letting it fill the gaps of her soul,
drowning her lungs
in the harsh chemicals of the world.

she exhaled all the worries and fears
she’d carried with her that day,
hoping tomorrow would be better.

sometimes i miss you
i miss the way you’d sweep me off my feet
fill me with bubbly sensations
of false joy and freedom
make the darkness go away
and rid me of the pain that
consumed every inch of my being

i miss how it felt
when we were together
you were my partner in crime
you made me feel infinite
as if i could escape my body
and astral travel to a place
far away from here

i miss the way
you brought me comfort
when i needed it most
sometimes when the pain was
far too much to bear
you made me feel
completely and utterly numb
so i wouldn’t have to feel anything at all

i trusted you
i leaned on you for support
when i was broken and
nothing else seemed to work
as long as you were feeding me
i knew i’d be okay

but little did i know
you were leading me down a dark path
of more sickness and pain
our relationship was a toxic one
i lost myself in you
and i realized that in the end
you never truly wanted the best for me

so for two years
i starved our connection
i went into the wilderness
to find myself again
i put my broken pieces back together
i re-connected with
healthier ways of being

i appreciated how you helped me
through all those years
maybe you were what i needed to survive
during those dark and painful times
but you were never supposed to stay long

so this is my farewell for now
maybe we’ll meet again someday
but i’ll be more prepared then
to greet you kindly
and acknowledge your presence
yet stay strong enough
to not get carried away again

i still have days where
i can not accept myself
and i am filled with a collection
of broken thoughts

i still have days where
i can not move from the bed
or bring myself to go outside
and breathe in the crisp air
that i know can heal me

my spirit was broken for so long
depression consumed me for years
and although i have come far
from the dark, dark place
where i used to reside
i am constantly reminded that
the healing never ends

she has spent eternities despising herself
searching in the mirror for the existence
of an ethereal reflection
staring back into her ocean eyes
whispering soft lullabies
an abundance of external lies
for it could never match
the true beauty and radiance
that resides inside


the most impeccable love story
is the one she holds with herself
for when she comes to realize
the resiliency of her bones
the captivation of her words
the radiance of her dance
and the effervescence of her energy
she drips in empowerment
like sweet honey
drips from the wildflower

scrolling through
a colonized culture
that tells us to
stay busy
be productive
work hard
for what a shame
it would be to rest

a capatalist cornucopia
of brainwashing ads
making us believe
we are not good enough
simply as we are
that we should work hard to become
something we are not

the messages they spoon-feed us
travelling straight to the subconscious
where our deepest insecurities reside
secretly piling up in their favour
as they feed more information
ever so subtly and carefully