i wish you saw the beauty i see in you
you are like the ocean
full of mystery
and emotions that soar high
like tidal waves
yet your tranquility
can calm any storm
even the one within me

two months spent
in the coldest of all winters
living in the wilderness
relying on flint and steel
to warm my bones
relying on strangers
to nourish my body
relying on mother earth's energy
to mend
what was left of my broken soul

two years spent
in treatment
recovering from
the abuse
the heartbreak
the trauma
the self-destruction

never once did i believe
that i would still be alive at twenty-one
but i recovered
i prevailed
i am a survivor

i miss the taste of your lips
your sweet tender kiss
warm hand on my wrist
the other balled in a fist

scream at me more darling
you know how i love the abuse
twist my arm some more
call me a stupid *****
is this what love looks like?

it's all i know
part of me didn't want you to go
now i'm all alone
and i want to go home

there is a deep sea
of sorrow, anger and grief
buried within me
lately it keeps spilling out
like crashing waves
filling my lungs
crushing my chest
suffocating me with its intensity
i'm drowning in the memories
of my past
of the ones i've loved and lost
part of me wants to experience it again;
part of me wants to forget any of it ever happened

maybe if i went back in time
i could fix whatever went wrong..
but maybe things were meant to go wrong
if they didn't
would i still be the person i am today?
if i'm being honest with myself,
no
i wouldn't have learned anything
i wouldn't have grown
maybe this is the path i was meant to go down
maybe
it all happened for a reason

i am not sure how long this will last
and i am afraid
for i have been beaten and bruised
by so many lovers
but you my darling,
you are worth it

and
i love you
for all that you are
the madness
the chaos
in your soul
all your flaws
they are beautiful to me

i will wait for you
i will stand by you
i will be there
as you heal
as you grow
as you begin to love yourself
i will be with you
every step of the way