Being positive is my thing,
But I do have an evil twin,
I imagine some weird things,
Like being a gastric surgeon,
Give laryngospasms for these durgeons,
I don't think they'll ever be men,
Ah, it's no use snivelling, you ken?
Hope they get chicks better than me,
Else, who is going to cook your tea?
You must stop being such sooks,
Get off buns, and learn how to cook!

A writer gawps at society,
I went to a bus stop after tea,
Littered with used syringes,
Drugs evolving, slightly unhinges,
Why do we accept this as normalcy?
It's a challenge for the authorities,
Or for changing norms in society..........

It was a dark and stormy day,
Cooking tea in the usual way,
This was my mother long ago,
"Don't touch the pressure cooker, no!"
Subtly, she left the scene,
Forgot the cooker, its head of steam,
Bang! Did that curry explode,
Mum's response, implode!
"Why didn't you check that stove?"
"You told me not to touch it, no!"
All I can say on this, fifty years later,
Don't use pressure to cook my curry or taters!

A member of the dating scene,
Only online, giggles it seems,
Today a man did 'wink' at me,
Can you imagine, hilarity,
He lives 3000 miles away, by the sea,
****** fungus covers he,
He has more than slight obesity,
Should I wink at the walrus? Tee hee,
I'llpack up my gear and get out of here,
You'll manage without me, non-dear,
I'm off to a walrus by the sea,
You'll learn to cook your lunch and tea,
Byeee! Yeah, well in reality,
I've got cellulite and jocularity!

Yes, I'm 65, now elderly,
That's the term, officially,
One day, shopped locally,
Bought a lotto, luckily?
Someone wins tonight, says she,
Dear God, why can't it be me?
Yes, yes, this lotto is lucky,
Wait for the draw, breathlessly,
Anticipate now I am elderly,
Old folk can be winners too, says she,
This is going to be my lucky night,
If I win, I can sort the bill for the light,
Getting old is not for hissy fits,
Come on, lotto, let's have a bit!

Yes, once I did a newsboy job,
With a newsagent I did hobnob,
Our little town at four o'clock,
In depths of winter, quite a shock,
In New Blithering I did search,
Why did Heathcliff leave me in the lurch?
Not to be a drama queen,
I did retire from that scene,
It was quite amusing I say,
Second breakfasts every day,
No wonder we were obese and fat,
No longer a newsboy, that's that!

I rewrote a song called, "Denim and Lace,'
Hope this brings a laugh to your face,
"Pyjamas and Fleece,
I look fat in everything,
And you are a fat old king,
Making me do everything,
Wearing P.J.'s and fleece!"
No hot speed dates to me,
I remove my bra at half past three,
No need to be a sook,
I'll curl up here and write a book,
"Wearing P.J.'s and fleece!'