and after, i asked myself every ******* night why you never thought i was good enough

You see
A person only truly falls in love
Once in their life time
And once that time is used up
There is no more.
You can lie to yourself
And to others
But if you were truly in love with them
That love cannot be undone.
I am in love.
A love that won't go away
With my best friend.
I fell off
The bridge of love
And into the waters
Where he followed
But his love came with strings attached
A bungee
And he jumped back up
And left me sitting there in the waters
While he's up on the bridge
Calling me up there
While I'm wishing him down here
And I have no bungee.

Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **

Wet and cold,
dark and dreary.
Pale and alone.

Watching the people from
above,
never allowed to join.

Isolated. All the clouds
float away.
Move toward the sun but
forced to slide by.
Cover the sun and the people
grow angry.

Far from God, far from
the people. Caught
in between.

Travel the world, place
to place.
Nothing changes. Still
forgotten, still glared
at, still floating away.

Can't get a hold of
myself, can't get closer.
Just keep floating away.

The reason why
we look up to see clouds and not down
is the reason why
a toddler looks up to an older sibling
is the reason why
a dog looks up to its beloved owner
is the reason why
I find hope in clouds. Because

the reason why
clouds always keep moving forwards not backwards
is the reason why
we all should do the same.