I don't like writing.
It reminds me of myself.
I see myself in what I write,
and I don't like what I see.

I have a long way to go,
a long way to self love and acceptance.

I don't like writing,
because I feel like I'm bad at it.

It is 1am,
I just played minecraft on our server,
which has mostly been abandoned.
Good memories and happy thoughts.

It is still 1am,
The discord call is muted.
The only sound is the Lo-Fi from the music bot.
I am calm.

It is 1am,
and I am thinking about how much I love my friends.
Thank you, for everything, I am glad we exist.

When will I learn?
When will it be my turn?
Will I ever realize,
that my turn might never come?

When will I be happy?
Or, will I at all?
Will that moment ever come?
Or will I miss it, because I blink too much?

When will I love myself?
Will I ever get out
of this endless
circle of self hatred?

Running.
As fast as I can
to keep up with the train

I wanna know
what is happening inside.
But it's going too fast.

I can't keep up,
I'm running out of breath.

Maybe one day I will
be able to catch up.
Maybe if I calm down,
the train will too.