Fire is wicked
and my heart's set aflame-
over the water, no less,
it's an effortless game:

I win, you lose,
and we play again,
it's no matter of what we choose-
it's how we grow akin
to shadows, long, and days, so dreary
you'd think our wrongs were growing weary
(they aren't).

What a shame, this game
without an ounce of fame to your name;
but mine's a-shine, and I am fine,
and you still lie your head by mine.

Your voice, cinnamon kisses
Eyes- the sound of a wolf howling
Your every word sends a shiver up my spine
I haven't felt you yet but I know that when you say "I love you" I can feel every dip and curve of your body against mine and I've got you memorized
I don't know your taste but it already reminds me of the color salmon

You're my every sense,
my literal world

I.   I think only some people are meant to walk this earth.

II.   I am not one of them.

III.   You are fit to be a queen- for the dead, and for the lost.

IV.   Winter doesn't feel as cold as your palms.

V.   I want to spend every night beside you, and every day away from you.

VI.   When I turn on the radio, I want to hear your voice.

VII.   I don't like love songs because they make me think of your eyes.

VIII.   I sing to you in the shower.

IX.   My heart isn't capable of beating alone.

X.   I'm good at leaving you behind.

Sounds specific to dying engines,
picked locks,
or waves lapping at the surface just above your head;
The feeling of the earth crumbling below you,
the tremor caused by a far-off explosion,
or the way black holes will lure anything into their grasps.
The way any noise can make you jump,
the mention of someone causing your breathing to quicken, your pupils to dilate, or your hair to stand on end.
Knowing that there's no solution.

The blinds are so heavy,
she's wondering if there's reason in any attempt to keep them open anymore.
It's easy to shut out the sun,
and even easier to regret it... right?

She gave up dreaming long ago-
the nightmares are more vivid now.

In the end, I have learned one thing:
Do not give your soul to a single (non)living being,
or,
do not expect to survive when that being is gone.
I warped my mind into believing that you (and I) were forever
and I am acknowledging that there is no such thing as a soul mate,
just a disappointment.

I think I could get used to waking up beside you,
and following the catlike curve of that smile
on your celestial canvas
with a trembling brush.
I could paint you in the evenings,
and watch as you colored the world with
such a vibrant palette of a voice
and explained to me the things you love
with the most vivid of words.

You think you're something special
brought up under love and protection
taught to go and be free-
but Freedom does not come without seeking a reward.
Stuck on the streets or in rough situations
nobody knows your name or story, they don't care
get your job done and go home because the world doesn't want you until you can offer it something.
It's easy to find faith in another
so similar you are
working two full time jobs a piece just to make ends meet
in the same place an (armed) man was gunned down last week.
You don't know his name or story, you don't care
you just want to get your job done and go home because you don't want the world until it's offering you something
and you've found someone to share your burdens with.

If I understood your mind
I'd still think I was a lie.
I've no reason to think of you,
but, my brain is curious,
so, here you are.

Come walking with me down this dreary boulevard
and tell me about the shadow you cast
(I'd love to get to know him).
I'll hold your hand and play with your fingers
and we can pretend we aren't thinking similar thoughts
by trapping one another in predetermined memories.

Maybe it's not enough to love you.
Maybe I'll give you my heart and you'll ask for a snack,
or I'll buy you a ring and you'll want a necklace,
or I'll get us a house and you'll decide you want a mansion instead.
Maybe I'll give you everything I have and everything I don't and it still won't be enough.

Or...

Maybe I'll give you my heart and we'll fall together so naturally you could swear we were meant to be,
or I'll buy you a ring and get down on one knee,
or I'll get us a house and we can start a family.
Maybe I'll give you everything I have and we'll be ******* happy.
(Maybe it's enough to love you.)

I want to be able to express my feelings for you,
but I'm not so sure how,
nor am I sure that you care.
I lack the ability to write well when I'm not drowning in my depression.
What do I say other than "I love you?"

How can I tell you that you can be what I look forward to most?
How can I tell you that when I wake up I check my phone to see if you've messaged me?
How can I tell you that the mere thought of you is enough to make me smile and that sometimes you're all I ever want and that I hope heaven sounds like the smile in your voice when you tell me goodnight?
How can I tell you that I wouldn't be able to live without you?

Maybe I'll find a way eventually.

God* knows I'm a (ship)wreck.

But nonbelievers do not sink.

The girl who taught me that distant family is sometimes the closest
doesn't remember how I hurt her.

The girl who taught me how loyalty comes in a variety of ways
doesn't know how often I betray her.

The girl who taught me how great it is to be craved
doesn't know I never wanted her.

The girl who taught me that releasing your demons is okay
doesn't know I often belittle her.

The woman who taught me that I always have someone to confide in
doesn't know I don't have the confidence to.

The man who taught me to never give up on others
doesn't know how much I've given up on him.

The girl who taught me that some things are forever
doesn't know how often I've wished she and I were for never.

The man who taught me not to trust someone I once held above the stars
doesn't know that, fifteen years later, I'm still hurting from his actions.

It's usually pretty easy to forget how much of a kid I still am.
I'm only eighteen, ****, why should I feel older?

I laugh when I stumble and before I know it
I'm usually picking myself up and speaking in chatplay (falls over and dies).
I have 69 followers and the fact always makes me grin.
I can't help but glance at your face and whisper to myself,
*"You make my heart go *doki doki."

"I can't wait to die."

It was my initial thought that these words were the scariest I'd ever heard
roll so easily from a loved one's tongue.
However,
It wasn't until more syllables fell upon
my once deaf ears
that I realized
Death isn't worrisome,
it is guaranteed.
What's got this shiver up my spine and is dilating my pupils
and causing my nails to hunt for blood in the sweaty earth of my palms
is the idea of the feelings I'd never cared to crave
and would unwillingly miss when my carcass was only that.

"I love you."

You told me you could tell the sky, "Goodnight,"
and the earth would whisper, "Good morning."
Home always felt like your coffee breath stirring the hair in my face
and your hand gripping mine when I strayed too far.

You asked me what I thought of God and I said she was beautiful
and you placed a kiss on my cheek, pressed your scarred palms to mine, and told me,
"Yes she is."

When I told you I was scared you told me that demons are everywhere but angels are immune.
I felt better.

Winter was never cold with you around.

She is a saint bred by Lucifer.
She is a fortress in a hurricane.
She is a flashlight in a blackout.

How does she disappoint everyone else
when she is everything but failure to me?

There's nothing I'd wish for more
than for the scent of your sun-kissed skin
to wake me up in the mornings
while you murmur my name in your sleep.

Despair, despair, despair.
This world's without a care.

Nah, I won't do some dumb rhyme,
I'm just here to get my thoughts out.
I've got to worry about money, love, health...
It isn't enough just making it out of bed today.
I've got all these dreams, passions, ideals,
and no way to actually reach them.
Sure, it'd be fun to live apart from everyone.
Sure, I wouldn't mind falling in love.
Sure, everyone wants a job.

If only self-confidence and physical and mental capabilities were achievable
and anxiety wasn't my best friend.

some people are not meant for this world,
and that's okay.

Is this all you can describe us as?
Is that all we were to you?
I thought, perhaps,
I had stayed up until four in the morning
on school nights and on breaks
talking to you as though,
Mutually,
nothing else mattered.

I thought, perhaps,
when you told me to wait,
that you didn't have the time,
that it would be worth my patience
(Or perhaps my lack thereof).

I thought, perhaps,
that when I saw your face,
heard your voice,
listened to you chuckle,
woke up from a half slumber and saw you watching me,
some weird mix of admiration and love and lust and passion in your quirky gaze,
we meant something to one another.

But you've revealed the truth, and that's alright.
I can find another Lily in my pond.

I tore a hole in my chest and realized
I never even had a heart, anyway.

Maybe together we could fool
ourselves into thinking we're happy.

She hurt me and you didn't say a word.
I suppose nobody really cares, at this point.

I just want to know you're **mine.

Hold your hands in mine
Your smile lights up the sky
I think I'm in love

One time I held you
with the grip of a lost child
and you let me go so swiftly,
I realized then that I really don't matter
as much as the next lover
(I guess I am a bit of a *******).

Wound in Hades' cold grasp,
brought to asphyxiation by his fingers,
I can feel the universe crumble away as the edges of my vision darken,
blurred,
and I call out for you.
I was always a fool for pretty eyes,
dimples, freckles,
tattoos and short hair,
and the kind of laugh that makes your hair stand on end
(in shocked delight, not terror,
though the way your heart begins to pound makes you wonder).
It's enough to say I'll cause my own downfall,
but I'll always give my last breath to whisper your name.