For my cousin, Chris Goldrick

Lacing my skates
after walking two miles
in girl-strictured delight
Mom's stories of Sonja Henie--
No, not ever

Lacing my skates
with  snow-ball pompoms
felt skirt
and nylon tights
Cute little hat with matching scarf
My thighs and fingers
already freezing
icy burn
from miles on foot

to get there
the lake where--

I must get out
I must get OUT!

Knowing what
to expect from my body
the quick-twitch of muscle
Could always sense
specific--
gravity of water    
at 22 degrees

Desiring to feel
the motion between ice and steel
Read speed's vibrations through my body
The brain registers relation
to weather's effect
Tell of velocity
possibility of fall
Feel the slash of the blades beneath me
Throw my weight sideways, sudden
to hear that furious hiss
An object in motion tending, dire
to stay in motion

Threatening to stay there
always
in its heights-- of speed
away--

from the crowds of skaters
swirling distant in the lights

Seeking instead
the farthest reaches of Porter Lake
speed and speed and more
to overcome
inertia
of what it is to become
undone

at the outer edges, of humanity
A force  
centrifugal unto myself

Avoiding

Pregnant and slow
with years and babes....

The best
must be broken and tamed
of what it takes to stay free

catching the edges with every stride
catching my toe in the quick
180
spray of frost
to the sudden still

Listen to the frigid chill

and the heave of my breath
tumbling into evidence

Gliding
Once

Forever--

on, into darkness
of woods on frozen water

The wildness of it all

So infatuated with flight
so full of grace

I forgot Sonja

The moon rose
from her seat in the treetops
and applauded

When it comes to matters financial
we all need an ounce of sense
They say a fool is very soon stripped
of his pounds shillings and pence

And if we borrow we have to be sure
we can pay back what has been lent
or else we get in a muddle
with our pounds shillings and pence

Diddlers thieves and con men
can cause us immense expense
so don't let them get their ***** hands
on your pounds shillings and pence

We come into the world with nothing
with nothing away we are sent
but in between it's handy to have
some pounds shillings and pence

I am lost in the forest;
show me the path.
I’m exposed on the mountain;
take me from the storm’s wrath.
I’m on the side of the road--
don’t let bad guys stop.
I’m a prisoner at home,
waiting for you to get a cop.
The whirlwind surrounds me;
be my eye in the storm.
Take me out of the blizzard
to your home safe and warm.

Take, O take those lips away,
  That so sweetly were forsworn;
And those eyes, the break of day,
  Lights that do mislead the morn!
But my kisses bring again,
              Bring again;
Seals of love, but seal’d in vain,
              Seal’d in vain!

You were never in
a foreign land to me,
but more like home:
a place where I am
meant to be.

I found that sacred path
the one that we were meant to
walk together forever - My Love.
Right up to your open door…
all distances diminished.

Now each day passes
where yesterday is
forever  gone while
tomorrow we will let
take care of itself.

For the only thing
that really matters
is this moment:
here so quickly
gone as quickly.

Still in a very
real and good
sense this is the
the one sure
place to live.

TOBIAS

I had my first dream last night that you weren't in.
not even a minor character,
your ****** name wasn't even in the credits,
let alone plastered across the sky in flashing lights
like you want it to be.
my first reality that you didn't belong in,
and it was the most blissful peace that I can remember since we bathed in pools of cloud.

I heard the first song that didn't make me think of you yesterday.
the lyrics, for once, were just lyrics,
not an embodiment of you and the things you do.
guess what?
it was coldplay.
you always hated coldplay.

this morning, I basked in the sun and didn't picture you coated in gold light beside me.
I didn't look at the leaves adorning the trees and picture your face laughing beneath it.

I didn't trace the plate lines of my palm and imagine the earthquake we used to create when yours collided with mine.

I didn't eat new food that I wanted you to try and I didn't want to share the smallest details of my day with you.

you may have won this poem, loverboy,
but don't be too triumphant.
your victory won't last long.
it's the era of my new beginnings without you and I'm going to be just fine.

Dad there's now words i can say but,
The only words i can say are
I love you
I miss you
I wish you were still here us your family.

I look back and say its not true that your gone
I wanna pick up the phone and
I wanna call you
I realise that i can't when i do pick up my phone.

Dad its too soon for you to be gone
Dad you should still be here with us your family
Dad you have been token away way to soon
Your pictures dont seem real
I wanna call you
I wanna talk to you

I wounder if your pound of me?
I wounder if your around me?
I wounder if you miss me?

As i lay in bed i know i will never hear your voice again
I will never hear you say "your gonna do it anyways"
I will never hear you say "i love you" or "i love you too"
I will never hear you say "goodnight"

I know the past is the past
I forgive you daddy

You are with the angels and
You are no longer in pain
You are with your dad
You are with your granddaughter
You are with your grandfather
You are with all your family you miss

And one day you will be all your family

Dad i know I've disappointed you alot
Dad i know I've missed up alot
Dad i know I've done things you dont like
Dad i know I've done a lot but i know
You miss us

I wish you where still here.
I love you
You are one of my angels





                                                      June 3, 2018
                                                         3:15am