I've given my all
to nothing
and nothing to
what was really
my all.
it goes unforgiven
to be weak here
I learned.
all live to ****
because no one wants
to die.
so I wonder
if this is
how it'll be in five
years.
or is this a phase
where everything
touched or touched by
is a piercing
blow.
before & after.

last night
I walked out
& about.
three in the morning
to see a thin girl
on a 3rd story balcony,
just gazing out.
she was attractive;
her first mistake.
and sobbing.
and she had smeared
eyeliner down
her face,
staining her tee.
she didn't mind
the rain,
or the wind,
or the solitude.
and for sometime
after
I wondered
"why?"
so later I'd realize
really,
"why not?"
I'm walking in the
rain at three AM.

anyways.

breathe without wheezing
while you can.
drive across
the world while
your feet allow you.
love without fighting
while it's young.
enjoy the woman
who held you forever
after
9 months
while she lives.
and never forget
where you started
before breathing turned
to wheezing.

Tonight I found
myself in a
parking lot.

I jumped,
I ran,
I slid,
and I smiled.

I, once again
looked for
shortcuts to
ordinary life
such as: crammed buses
and their empty roofs.

the moon looked
sharp,
and I wasn't worried
of anyone else;
but me.

eluding merely
six vehicles in a
free-way
because I
like the rush
next to death.

but I was breathing,
more alive than ever,
with a board
on 4-wheels
gripped.

and proud to be
lost,
proud to be
nothing,
proud to feel
like I did first,
5 years ago.

and I was happy.

I like to look
out the window
and count how
many rooms stay
lit
after midnight,
on a sunday night.
how many souls
breathe
despair & anxiety.
how many people
lay
and execrate their
following morning shift.
how many people's
child keeps them
zombified
at night.
how many people
just
don't care...
it's 2 in the morning,
and it's
nice being me.

she had nice
hair.
nice skin
too.
nice
eyes.
and
the way her lips
circled her
lit cigarette,
inhaling
just the right
amount of
reviving-death,
and
managing a
cheeky grin
was nice.
a lady,
not a girl.
I sat to her
and
for once in
a very
very long time.
I had a sense of
fear...
of wonder on
what move she'd
make next.
rather than
hope
for the best
with a
predictable,
****** opportunity.
lady.