My moon
She is beautiful
So soft
So warm
And yet, so cold
The dark side of me
Bathed in her bright light
Like she could melt the ice from
My soul.

Tell me why
I feel so tired,
when in fact,
I haven’t really
done
a thing.

A heart that is gold may hold
But a heart that is clear shows fear
For everything inside is displayed to show
How much I’ve been feeling so horridly low

A heart may be there
But not in despair
And calling it weak
Or empty and bleak

Does nothing for you
And they haven’t a clue
To which it feels
To have your hopes slowly peeled
Off the bone and skin
So take your complaints to the garbage bin

I’m not being petty, or stupid and naive
But problems will fall like the brown autumn leaves
And now they are blackened and rot and decay
And I want the sun blotted out and to go far far away

My heart is in tears, but I need not express
For a suffering fool does his part to best
When he admits quietly and with wise dignity
So do shut up and come back when you see
That this is no exaggeration
Merely a human’s limitation
To how far emotions can go
Yet you still whine, “SO?!”

I’m done with today, I want to black out
And I can’t do so much as emit one quick shout
Because a suffering fool admits it quietly
When his one true love is shredded before he.

This feeling.
Like a million butterflies circling around one
Rose.
A rose of love.
Or is it death?
I could never tell.
It doesn't matter,
I suppose.
As long as what's meant to happen,
Happens
Before anything prevents that from happening.

What is going to happen?
Will he forget me like a song forgotten?
Slowly starts as one forgets a verse here
And there.
And the next thing you know the melody is all you know
Until you don't even know that anymore.

Or will he remember me and return?
Like one would come back to their
Home.
Ol Home Sweet Home.
Where the heart resides.
As they say,
If you truly love someone,
Set them free.
If he returns,
He cares for me as much as I love all of him.
Even if he's never going to say that
4 letter word.
At least I'll know and have my peace.
A peace in this seemingly un-win-able war.
But,
If he doesn't,
I guess it was not meant to be.
Ouch.
I wonder if ones heart could take that without seizing up
And ripping it's own self apart.
That pain would be unbearable.
Unbearably painful enough to
Stop Death in his tracks
And make him question his own life.

What if he's different when he returns home?
Cold and calculated because
The Rules
Are all he knows and now he's forced to
Try to mold himself back into a world
He willingly left behind.
Stop.
"Don't think like that."
I try to tell myself,
But it isn't working
Because it true
And that's a pain I know all too well.
He's leaving this world behind.
The world I belong too.
So, if he leaving this world
Willingly
Wouldn't that men he's leaving me
Willingly?
Yes? Yes.
No? No.
Maybe? Maybe not.
I guess we'll have to wait and see.

To be continued..

All this time
You tried to knock me
off my feet
Onto my knees
but you only taught me
how to stand
and rise again
against you

All this time
You tried to silence
my voice
and my power
but you only showed me
how powerful my voice is

All this time you tried to
brainwash me
with your words
but you’ve made me
a forward independent thinker
because I know your tactics

All this time
you’ve wrecked my life
burned my bridges
tore apart my home
meanwhile
I was getting stronger
rising from the ashes

After all this time
I’ve realized
You don’t hate me
You’re afraid of me
and of what I’ve become

Just because you're still breathing,
Doesn't mean you're alive

Just because you're still walking,
Doesn't mean you've known your route

Just because you're still feeding,
Doesn't mean you're always full

Just because you can see,
Doesn't mean you understand

Just because you can feel,
Doesn't mean you’ve known what hurts

Just because you've been to places,
Doesn't mean you were present

Just because you're silent,
Doesn't mean you're vigilant

Look into yourself
Have you ever thought if you are whole or broken?
Listen to the stillness that speaks around you

There’s a voice louder than that..
Inside you, it matters.

Listen