my illness is something that is apart of me.
it is solely not me.

it is not the only thing i focus on.

whenever i tell someone i suffer from a mental illness, they have more questions then i can count. also including some accusations and negative comments.

but if i tell them about me, they reply with a "cool" or a "nice." and don't seem interested at all.

everyone seems more interested in MY mental illness, not ME.

i am not my illness.

i don't say "hi, i'm depression"

no.

i do say "hi, i'm laura"

yes i have an illness, it is a part of me.

but not me

I’m an imposter
I’m a phony
I’m faker than Barbie

I claim to be a perfectly fine teenager; I’m an imposter.
I say there is nothing wrong; I’m a phony.
I smile all the time; I’m faker than Barbie.

I'm just one big
l i e

I will be good for a while
I won’t cut as often
I won’t want to **** myself every day
I will actually see the other side of the tunnel

But then
Something ticks inside me
I’m reminded that I’m not normal
I remember that I’m a depressed ******

And my arm becomes full of cuts
My head becomes clouded with suicidal thoughts
And one day
When I tick
It will be enough
To push me over the edge

The day is over.
The sun is setting,
Darkness is coming.

Yellow fades to orange and pink.
The sky turns a light blue,
The day is over.

The moon peeks behind the clouds,
The stars are starting to twinkle.
Darkness is coming.

The sun is leaving,
while the bright blue turns deep.
The day is over.

It slips away,
The light has faded.
Darkness is coming.

Life is the day,
Death is the night.
The day is over.
Darkness is coming.

I am scared of taking a bath
Because I’m afraid I will slip under
And drown myself

I am scared of driving a car
Because I’m afraid I will veer off the road
And crash at full force

I am scared of cooking with a knife
Because I’m afraid I will lose control
And slice it across my wrist

I am scared of taking pills when I’m sick
Because I’m afraid I will get tempted
And swallow the whole bottle

I am scared of being near a gun
Because I’m afraid I will point it to my head
And fire it through my brain

I am scared of everyday things
And afraid of trusting myself

I am scared of the world
And afraid I can’t take it any longer

I am scared of myself
And afraid of what I will do