Maybe it's the alcohol
Running through my veins
Seeping through all of my pores
Invading my skin, crawling,
Leaving a trail of heat and numbness.

Maybe it's my mind
Trying to twist myself into
A wringing mess, unconscious,
Undesirable for the current society
Whose words weigh millions.

Or maybe it's just me.
Overthinking, in a dark room.
Laying there, paralyzed.
Contemplating. Typing. Thinking.


Tap,
       tap,
              tap.


I'm tired.

You cannot tell her she's beautiful,
You cannot tell her you love her,
You cannot tell her she's your world
When she's at her best moments.

You may only tell her those things,
If you're ready for her to have those off days,
If you're ready for her to not always wear makeup,
If you're ready to deal with her mood swings,
If you're ready for her to be clingey some days and distant others,

You cannot tell her any of the pretty little comments,
Unless you can handle her
Alone at two A.M.
As she's struggling with life,
And wondering why

She is not enough to win her own internal battles

Don't let me go
           let me go
                      *GO

I said “no” for the first time
At first it doesn’t seem right
I felt so guilty
And kept saying sorry
I felt so sad
It felt like I was so bad
It consumes me, guilt
It felt like it was my fault
As for the second time
It was a lesser crime
Still, there was a guilt feeling
But it somehow felt freeing
To say no without explaining
To say no without minding
To say no because you simply don't like it
To say no when you truly mean it

Within the crowd
Silent not loud
Listening
Seeing
Not caring
Only observing
That is an observer

Para sa mga taong hindi pinili. Para sa mga taong binigay ang lahat ngunit di naman binalik. Para sa mga taong umasa. Para sa akin.

1

Sakit.

Pag nakita mo siyang kasama niya, masasaktan ka na parang bang tinutusok nang maraming karayom ang puso mo. Tapos titignan mo ang iyong sarili at sasabihin "Anong kulang sa akin?"

Makikita mo lahat nang mali sayo. Makikita mo lahat nang pangit sayo. At dahil dito mawawala ang pagmamahal at respeto mo sa iyong sarili


2

Galit.

Magagalit ka sa mundo. Magagalit ka sa tadhana dahil hindi kayong dalawa ang pinag sama. Sisihin mo siya dahil hindi ka niya pinili at iba. Pero higit sa lahat, magagalit ka sa iyong sarili. Magagalit ka dahil hindi ka naging sapat para sa kaniya. Magaglit ka dahil hindi ikaw ang naging kaniya.


3

Talo.

Wala na. Wala ka nang magagwa dahil gusto na nila ang isa't isa. Wala ka nang magagawa, silang dalawa na ang pinagsama nang tadhana at hindi kayong dalawa. Tanggapin mo na. Hindi kayong dalawa. Hindi ikaw.

Dadating ang panahon na hindi mo na siya titignan. Dadating nag panahon na hindi ka na masasaktan. Dadating ang panahon na hindi ka na magagalit.

Pero sa ngayon, dito ka muna. Dito sa isang lugar na ika'y manhid na. Manhid sa kaniya. Manhid sa sakit. Manhid sa galit. Manhid sa iyong mga damdamin para sa kaniya. Kay rami mo nang napagdaan, magpahinga ka na.