Oh this continuous trial,
Will have to fade.
I have put my faith in You.
I will live another day.
I can see the dawn is rising,
the darkness fades.
Your light is everlasting,
and shines upon my face.

There are days where I do not know
Anything but, "I love you, Lord."
And when it seems I can't bear it most,
I turn to you Oh, Lord.
I am not perfect.
I am a mess.
But I am complete.
In Christ the one who rescued me.

I may have never shared with you,
what a wretch I was.
The dependency on drugs,
selling them to my friends,
the unforgivable, explicit activities...
you can guess where I'm going with this.
Then there were the wretched things done to me.
That I did not choose.
And I let them all eat away at my soul.
I let a prison become erected around my heart.
I hired guards.
I took new inmates.
And developed strict programs and policies...
We never allowed visitors at my prison.
I remember laying awake at night crying
more than I remember lovely stories from my childhood.
I remember dreaming happy things would happen that
just
never did.

And then I really met Jesus.
Not in the way I met Him when I was 12 years old.
At 12, He was the promise that I wouldn't burn in Hell.
At 22, He became the man who called me by my very own name and beckoned me into a world full of Light.
And I haven't looked back.
I'm not going to look back, except to tell you how dark it really was.
Because I know what it is to feel death.
I know what it is to stay high every day
because life is unbearable.
I know what it is to believe there is a God,
but not know how to reach Him.
I know what it's like to think you aren't
worth it.

BUT YOU ARE.
You are worth dying for in Jesus' eyes.
Can you picture that?
A man who finally loves everything about you
so much so
that He did everything He could
to set you free.
Now you just have to want it.
You have believe you can be free.
Take a good look at where you are.
Now ask yourself, "Am I truly free?"

If your life is anything like what mine used to be...
you aren't.
My heart is breaking for yours.
I know you are out there.
I know you want freedom.
You have to know,
God wants you to have it
more.

Dear California,
We must be meant to be.
I hear songs about you,
and I know they're sung just for me.
And in the night of waiting,
I long to be with thee.
I'm hesitating,
but I know you're for me.

I'll take you once a year,
if that's all I can have.
In my heart you're so dear,
I can't wait to come back.
Even while I'm there.
Oh, California
It must be in the air.
Dear California,
I'll meet you there.
Wait for me California.

You have pretty big shoes to fill.
That expectation should be revealed.
I know you most likely will know this,
and maybe this is more for me than you.
But I have had a taste of the greatest romance.
I have literally walked with Heaven.

And to be transparent,
you are to love me like He does.
I know you won't be perfect.
But there's a fire inside me,
burning up everything that isn't like that love.
And so I won't take anything less.
I won't settle.
I can't.

And the good news is,
whoever these letters are for.
...I won't have to.
Thank you.

When life roars at me,
and my faith feels weak.
What will I choose to believe?
Oh, it's your face I seek.
Jesus.

When the cross seems far away
and I remember all my mistakes.
When I'm lost and feeling unsafe
You've already rescued me.

You come in like a wave
Sweeping away tomorrow and yesterday
You say come what may,
Cause you've already rescued me.

You've already rescued me
You've already rescued me
You've already rescued me
You've already rescued me

Now I have to choose to believe.
And if I want the victory
I'm choosing you not me
because you've already rescued me.

How have I taken this long to get to ten?
I promise the number has no relation to my thoughts,
because I think of you often.
Tonight I'm especially heavy.
Wishing I could magically make your journey here quicker.
That you would come running, or bumping, or calling
in relation to me.
And I would receive, fall, or answer
all these things.
And just like that, the good times would be twice as good.
And these bad ones, half as bad...
In the mean time, I'm leaning on the one who is perfect.
Who is teaching me there is no "mean" time.
There is no in between.
Today is the day,
and every day after.
And if I never get the running, or the bumping, or the calling...
I hope I do not notice.
I hope I am so enamored by the presence of God
living on the inside of me.
That I don't miss anything He hasn't given me.
I want you, but you'll have to wait.
Because he will bring you better than anyway I could have hoped
and labeled it as faith.