it's not aloud
they say
it's against what we believe in
they say
it's a sin
they say
but did they know
that the only thing sinful
was the way they caged me
and hid me from the outside?
i know nothing of the world
outside these four walls
but what i do know
is that it's a sin
to keep me
locked inside
when i all i've ever wanted
was to be free

I still remember that night. I remember how I felt before it happened more vividly than how I felt after. I think I remember it so well because that was the last time I ever felt whole.
My shorts were short
my ******* were wet
my sweet little cherry had yet to be popped.

Your intentions filled the room as I admired the spit drool on the side of your lips. The uneasy smirk on your face. You wanted a lot more than to "just get laid." I was far too young to even begin to understand the parts of my body you knew not to touch.

As you kissed me down my neck and your manhood grew harder, my spine quivered and my fear shook. My mother always told me to follow my gut and when I did you grabbed me and you told me not to listen to it. You told me to ignore what I didn't want for the sake of your temporary pleasure. You disregarded my comfort and put your **** ahead of my feelings.

You yanked my legs open and your ripped me into two pieces, and till this day I have yet to find the other half you stolen from me, and I swear I almost see it everyday when I stand ahead of myself naked infront of my mirror but I can never stare at myself long enough to grab me in and make myself whole again.

Do you see what you have done to me? Was each stroke of stolen pleasure worth every jump I make when the man I love touches me with permission? Was your everlasting ******, sounds of moans and sighs escaping from your lips, echoing in my stomach and spilling out in my tears worth me cutting myself open every night since?

I guess it was because at least I'm giving myself permission opening myself up. At least the pain has consent. At least the blade dragging across my skin silenced the sound of your pleasure inside of me. At least the blood from my wrist dripping onto the bathroom floor isn't mixed with your ***.

At least I have the choice to put just a little more pressure in and I wont have to be reminded of you anymore.

Blessed be the transgender one,
Gave up on life to seek the sun,
Bigoted parents, insidious friends.
Her heart be broken and so it ended.
This girl believed she didn't matter.
Conformed to societies issues,
Everyone said she was meant to.
The vicious encounters of supposed normality,
Bought you to your desperate knees.
You have your wings now.
Fly sweet child be young and free.
Rest in peace, in sweet relief.
(C) LIVVI