i swallowed a pill today.
a happy pill, the others said.

i felt no joy, only my pain.
so i took two the next day.

still no change,  they said
it could take a few days.

so i took another pill today.
and i feel like it's stuck in my throat

i'm waiting for us to fade to dust.
the both of us.
because this love cannot last forever.

I wear compliments like make-up,
it washes off.

I melt in hugs like chocolate in summer.

I eat kisses like candy,
till it makes me sick.

I wear validation like a jacket in winter,
I have to keep putting it back on.

I know how you like your coffee,
I know who you see,
I know what you order from me,

I hand out the paperwork and email the documents,
this isn't my first job,
I am confident in myself,

I know the names of your clients,
friends,
and your missus.

But I'm the mistress, the secret
secretariat

touch of amber in his morning cup,
espy to the mug neighbouring

caffeine in the burning steam,
bourbon in bubbles

glazed views,
fake passion

a kiss of liquor

shared between lips,
ciphers

puzzled eyes,
clouded attention,

blissful apprehension,
untold
heaven

watch me deteriorate,
my bones on display

no tears on my face, they’ve all gone astray
unable to escape the glass as I took my last breath

now I’m held up by nails, my eyes sunken in

soulless, lifeless and,

this is where you will be as well