I remember the feeling
so long ago
I thought it was lost and forgotten
as I have no records of it
I made sure to destroy anything
that could have reminded of it
but it is more sinister
than I would ever imagine
like a black hole
all consuming
like a black hole
that shadows all light
like a black hole
that drains you of life
and I thought I had escaped
only to be drawn to it
with ever increasing force
that felt like tearing me apart
when I tried to put up a fight
and I have lost
and I have lost so much
and I feel it became the center of my universe
and I feel it slowly eating it away
and I fear it is the only thing holding it together
I have lost
There is no escape.

Another light went dark
so I am even more alone at night
they ended their suffering
will I end mine?

The body is a sickness
life is a disease
how long I have to suffer?
When will I be released?

Heart heavy like a stone
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
like I’m somewhere I belong

I am so alone
I feel like in a crowd
of unfamiliar faces
their long stares - so dark
and empty too
empty people
in empty rooms
in empty apartments
and I try to reach out
but there is nothing too
so I fall
and I crawl
and carry on
nothing can be shown

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

I count the clouds in the sky
moving ever so slowly
up, up and above they are
and now the sky is clear
and I can see the moon
and I can think about
how beautifully it shines
and how lucky I am to be here
It is a bright, warm summer night
and I feel alive

I count the raindrops
hitting my bedroom window
slowly sliding down
down into this dark night
and the sky is clear
and I can see the stars
and I can think about
how beautiful they are
and how barely alive am I
It is such a dark, cold sleepless night
and I feel nothing

Sometimes
the words speak to themselves,
the language, that I can't understand,
whispers, that I can barely hear,
until silence consumes it,
and I will disappear.

Sometimes
between a word and a heart-attack
the voice plays a tune in my head
it is low and mesmerizing
it captivates me till the end
and releases my soul
like a bird of prey