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 Apr 2017 James M Vines
Gidgette
You know who you are
Bruised Peaches
Those hit, hidden
Shamed
Belittled and bitten
By the very people we loved most
Mocked
For staying with the bearers of our
Bruises
We warrior spouses
Some of the peaches are lucky
we rolled from the pain baskets
Others have to stay for seedlings
This particular peach
After years of bruises
Nearly got squished between the fingers
of a bruise bearer
And I'm bitter mush
But I'm still whole
And all the while
He whispered,
I love you, I love you little peach
He gave me a seedling
She grew
and with her
My knowledge grew
It took the kingsmens axe
To cut me from that dead tree
But thank God
This peach, is free
~A
It's the hardest thing in the world to leave an abusive relationship. We're often made to believe it's our own fault. Even after one leaves, the lawyers, judges, counselors even, make you feel "less than".
I rarely write of my awful marriage. Even today I'm ashamed. And I know that it wasn't anything I did but that fact escapes me sometimes. My love to you all. Especially the Peaches.
 Apr 2017 James M Vines
A
What if I told you
I want to die?
That I'm tired of living,
of being alive?

What if I said
it gets worse at night?
The thoughts get louder
and everything seems wrong

What if I told you I lied
when I said I was fine?
When I said I'm fine, how are you,
I was actually crying on the inside.

What if I lied
and said everything is alright
No, I'm not crying,
I swear I'm fine.

What if I tried to take my life?
Would you send me to rehab?
Hoping the doctors would fix me,
and everything would be fine?

What if I told you hope is dumb?
That hope is a stupid thing to have
Because when I have hope,
everything falls apart.

What if I told you I lied, again, when I said I was better?
That I only said that so you wouldn't worry?
Well,
I did.

What if I said to you,
I've hated myself since the age of 9?
That I wish you could've helped,
before it was too late?

What if I succeeded in killing myself?
I doubt anyone would cry.
Would you even care,
If I took my own life?
My first poem.  Thanks for reading... xoxo - Avery
 Apr 2017 James M Vines
Gidgette
To hold hope is a dangerous thing
Memories and dreams lacking colour,
living in the glint of light in tears for brief,
and painful seconds as they fall
only to be absorbed by my skirts
Each holding false hope in secret things,
bound to a twisted finger of cruel fate
I hide my face from light and sight
as I breathe life into shadow figures of
Once was, wasn't, and will never be
Undecided if reality is dreamt up by
a cruel child who derives its pleasure by
pulling legs from lady bugs and wings from
Butterflies
And being the escapist that I am
I play out my grey dreams in the fake lives of a family I seem to have imagined
And drown the rest in flowers and filth
i.
The twilight moon peeps
from behind the brazen grey cloud.
Chill air coalesces into a light fog
creeping nonchalant along the street.
Orange lamp glow cascades around
dancing with the fog in osmosis swirls.
Ice blue eyes of fire and malevolence
trace a pathway through the dirge.
Zoning out and homing in,
a huntress stalking unknowing prey.
A black kitten dashes from the hedge,
across the street, up to a front door,
leaving tiny prints scattered on the lawn,
and the ice blue eyes of fire drip pleasure,
as a primal sound emerges, guttural,
but unmistakedly … a cackle.

ii.
Feint, feint sobbing punctuates the night.
As she lays curled foetal clutching her doll.
Her other hand between her thighs,
seeking in vain to reclaim her violated body.

“ Daddy made Mummy go to sleep
with sweeties from the little brown bottle
and the drink from the grown-ups cupboard,
and then he played horsey with her.
He told me Mummy had been a good girl,
and it was my turn to be nice to Daddy.
He always scares me at night
but its his way of saying he loves me.
Daddy Loves his little girl, he always says so”.

The sobbing slowly fades into … nothing,
And she knows. She doesn't Love Daddy.
Now he is watching tv and drinking beer.
Daddy hears the doorbell and swears.
He goes to answer, opening the portal.
Too late, far too late, to stop …
… the Judderwitch.

iii.
He woke. And tried to scream,
nailed spread-eagle to a wall.
Throat, dry, unable to make a sound.
And in his head he screams.
Pierced flesh with sanguin scabs
ripping agony through his very fibre.
Ice blue eyes of fire dance hooded
before him with torture and brutality.
His face erupts in pus filled cysts
to burst and seer pain on his flesh.
And in his head he screams.
As the face in the hood morphs into
the face of his little girl as he rapes her.
And he screams, in his head he screams,
and screams and screams,
as the blade slices slowly, so slowly,
and his manhood falls flaccid floor-ways.
Eyes bulge in horror,
and in his head he screams ...
And screams … and screams,
as his ribs crack, break, in his chest.
Pushing through and up and out,
like flint sharp spears of rancid bone,
and in his head he screams …
and screams … and screams ...

iv.
“Mummy. Mummy. There's kitten on the lawn.
Can we keep her Mummy. Can we? Please?”
She walks out the front door
and smiles at her daughter, the kitten meows.
She watches her little girl play,
the cat enraptured with little plaits.
“Mummy. Why can't I remember anything about Daddy?
He only went away last night”.
“I don't know sweetie. I can't remember anything either.
Not even his face. Its very strange indeed”.

A breeze chills their skin as they look
toward the Cherry Tree on the lawn.
Its leaves whispering their sylvan symphony.
But all they heard was …
… cackling.
And the feint, feint sound
of somebody
still
screaming.

© Pagan Paul (04/04/17)
.
A little Jesus sort
Spaces between clout
Effort lost
Split the cost
Inconvenient doubt

A little Zorro like
Masquerading whip
Body welted
Disguise melted
Self prescribing quip

Risk and Pain
It's all the same
Self Imposed or Not

Let it go
Take it slow
Maybe then you'll have a shot
 Apr 2017 James M Vines
Gidgette
Standing, in the gathering darkness
in the fading light of the bleeding sun,
Hooded and cloaked,
amongst the dying trees
Golden cursed tears of scattered forever,
Falling from white eyes,
ringed in black
Decisions to stay held
aloft,
A leaf blown through out time on the breeze of
Eternity
Or,
To wake a heart, cursed with forever
Knowing
That the bearer of such a cursed heart
Will fade, as the colour of a rose lain upon an immortal grave
Dying trees can't speak
and reflections held in mortal tears
Evaporate~A
 Apr 2017 James M Vines
Gidgette
She loved Pan,
Adored him,
Wanted so much for him to
Dwell,
Deep,
Within her
But Tink,
so small
And Pan,
Well, he was Pan
He loved the Wendi Bird
So,
Tink
was happy for the mere chance
to rest
in Pan's pocket
And he carried her there.....
For you, my Pan. I'm happy, just to rest in your pocket and see you as I wish;)
Setting sun upon golden stage
Blessed enabler
Bury random thoughts in
milky twilight
Open the doorway to peace
this star-filled night
Songs of the forest ,
mourners of the canopy atop
moonlit chandeliers
Set the stage for a thousand years
Every nocturnal beast -
and nightfall songster
Sing to waning sunshine
To springtime constellations
Of hope before universal nations
Of the quest for dawn , rivers of pure light and salvation*...
Copyright April 6 , 2017  by Randolph L Wilson * All Rights Reserved
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