Please
i need your help
i need you
to break my ribs
no i'm serious
please
it's my heart you see
it's suffocating in there
under the weight of skin
and blood
and the ribs
please
you have to break it out
i've tried
i really have
but the more i pull the tighter they squeeze
like one of those finger traps
please
they do it for open heart surgery
this is not dissimilar
please you have to do it now
they can hear me writing this
and they threaten to squeeze tighter
and make my arms forzen
my fingers in rigor mortis
just break
my *******
ribs

This time I am older
This time I am smarter
This time my walls are weaker
When I try to build them back up
Like I have done for so many years
the things seep through
And the walls swell from the rising pressure

the things the things the spidery wet things

I thought I did it
I thought I solved it
I thought
I won

But here they are once more
And I am quite unsure what to do

Retreat or attack
Neither work here
Something I did not know
Till this time

In small doses maybe
But ultimately
Both make everything turn to ash and ultimately
Only feeds them

Stillness.
If you hold me
If you hug me
If you say one word to me I will drown in tears.

If I am still, I will die
I’m quite sure of it.

So instead
Each day I die only a little
slowly
Bits at a time

This time I know why
This time I know how
I
This
time.
I know the only person who can really help me
is me

So why does everything taste like mud.

You are a stone.
I want to strike you with my stick
You know
Like Moses did in the desert
That worked out great for him
Not hard or anything
Just so the water finally gushes forth
And I am nourished
And you are human
And I can stop talking to a ******* stone
That doesn’t even answer back
Like real stones do
But I have to be careful
I don’t want you to burst
Though it would be strange if you did
You are a stone, after all
Maybe I’ll just sit next to you instead
Maybe that’ll work
Or poke a little
That should do the trick
Or ****
Or embrace
Or hold

Why isn’t this working
This isn’t
I can’t
Why aren’t you
Can’t you just
hey
How about thi—
Listen to me!

SMACK

Oh!
The water!
I did it!
You broke open!
Now I’ll be nourished!
Now you’ll finally be real!
I was afraid you’d burst!
Or I’d crumble
But I did it!
Now we can get out of this ******* desert
Together!

wait

The water
It’s trickling
There’s barely any at all
And you’re still a stone
And I’m still dying of thirst
And talking to a rock.
I’ll die before you trickle out enough water for me to drink
And live to tell about it
You know that, right?

I hate stones.
They‘re so unreliable.

Just wait till i tell you
Just wait till you see
Finally see
You'll love me then, right?
you'll return?
All these things i've known and feelings i've held
But never spoken
You have them too
They're just unsaid.
Right?
Right.
I'll say them.
That'll solve it all
The hard space between us
The loop-de-loops
That are somehow only mine
This'll fix everything
We'll be true friends
Or maybe lovers
without this space
Once i tell you
Once you know
I have loved you that way
The way that they said
That'll make it go away
You knowing
Right?
Right.
That sounds real
Because it's based on an idea of you
because once i tell you
you'll be real
and not a figment of my imagination
or a mirage
Something i can fix or control and move in or away from at will
you'll be real
And i'll have to feel you there
just as you are
Surely it will vanish
Right?
Right.

I wish I could tell you things I could tell you
Things I know and things I wish
I wish I could tell you things I could tell you
The things we say are Cavendish
You know me and I know you
More than you ever know
But unless i tell you things I could tell you
It all comes down to Caberdeux

I wish i could tell you what i know you
There are words i cannot say
Except the 'deux and cavendish,
and nor co lique co lique oo lay

These are our words
From back when
Why don't you
Remember them?

Tell you or don't
I cannot say
But noir colique colique quelay.

This is a dance
You and I have
I'm surprised how quickly I've picked up the steps
Because I've never danced this dance before
My rhythm's a little out of sync
But then again I've always been awfully terrible at keeping time
Too fast
Too slow
It's hard alone
I'm great with someone else
Someone to play off of
I like to play off you
Sometimes we miss
but the moments we meet
are simply the ones that make life worth living.
The life you read about in favorite stories
And see on screens that are way too big
And you think
that can't possibly be real
except it is!
It's just made up of shorter moments than you thought
But the moments are thick and full
And you feel the frightening lightness and emptiness when they're gone
And all you want then
is to feel their weight once more.
I think it's wonderful.
You've never danced the dance either
You know this and you don't
You think you have
You love to dance
You've danced before
But not this one
I wonder if you know I know
I wonder that a lot
Do you know I know you
Do you know I see you
Even when you yourself
are blind
That's okay
I'll see for both of us
until you do
or don't
Let's keep dancing till then
Just a little longer
please
only a little while longer.

One last time
I got to see you one last time
The last time I'll hold you
The last time I'll hug you
The last time I'll kiss you
The last time I'll love you.
Well
we both know that last part's not true
Or maybe only I know
God I'll miss you.
I missed you before but I miss you even more now
Because that was the last time
It was a good last time.
We returned to our home, our battlefield, our Cove,
for one last glimpse
before we left forever
for good
We touched our old things
Dust-covered but still full of meaning
And breathed our old air
Stale but still charged
And we looked at our mountain.
Cold but mine and yours
You returned for a minute
My favorite you
For one last goodbye.
God and I loved you.
I let that you see me
One last time
My heart opened to you
One last time
Because that's the you
Who loves me the most.
And I got to talk to her
One last time
And this
I will treasure.
This
I will hold dear
When I miss you
but you longer exist
Because I got to see you
one last time
And this
I'll love
Always.