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Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2018
As if, yesterday!? I am me, but then, when I lived this or my very very first visitation
Of this hint of a moment, my mind, behind eyes but I see it.  Colors and sounds if I dive deep enough, coaxing and applying great will yo bring to my shallow forefront memory.
Forgotten why I run myself to conundrums and the distant stare, gone, unfocused on the now I squander looking back.  The classroom lights off as the magic of the reel chatters and sounds out in delayed wonder.  And we, I am enthralled to the world of motion set upon silver dusted and spread laid finely so the phantoms in the dancing light may hold visible and our minds so intrusting may be ***** and pillaged by a mouse with two big ears and an army of psychologists drawing maps passed if or if not we even like these tales...

Brainwashing generations into the Mouseketeers then run rampant behind lines and wrinkles brows of the me I am now.   A product of the moving pictures... Thank you.
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2018
To Live; Am i not?

Capable; So i try, desperately.

Caring; Why then so few friends?

Genuine; smiling hides the way i am.

Loving; gets you in the end.

Grateful; For all i have not?

Honest; unless it's to myself

Confident; if insecurities were not.

Trusting; but what if i get hurt?

Devoted; to protecting the fragile heart I've got

Imperfect; this i agree on whole heartedly.

Content; to waste the way i am?

Unique; no better from it.

Gifted; i guess if that's what you believe

Open; to never getting hurt again.

Yourself; still searching.

Deserving; of?

You are; this list above?

Believing; ...
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2018
I am accepting an unwanted truth
But the truth, though the better
When compared next to kin
Such so notorious as deception
Or one infamous cousin
Known by and called upon
Across throat and lips and tongue
Whispered and known as Lies
Branch out from one shared limb
Of the tree of life, we are in
Ripening, trying to hold on
Growing too heavy
For such is our position
Too far out, at the very ends
The day that closes in
To fall off, wrapped in uncaring wind
The ground will welcome
Cold and hard to a rotten end
Some carried off to be tasted
And taken in, for the goodness they will give
The rest then witness the ruin
Of the form they have become  
As sweet turns bitter
Decay seeps in, spreads itself within
as this truth has done to me it seems
To ever be the one,
She loves, says she needs,
Puts effort towards keeping
In the life we once believed we wanted
Truth is it was simply, completely
My own, alone
My dream, my own self deception
My acquaintance with her sister Lies
That sold myself my own denial
Made me choose the view to fit
The dream i never get
And now i see things the way they are
Truth can be a difficult one
Abrasive and brutal, Unflinchingly effective
At lessons when forced to be taught
But Truth will never leave
Emptiness such as the pit my Lies wrought
Work in progress.  Lesson I'm learning within. Or trying to by any means.
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2018
Never knew the sting of rain
Falling, from heaven
Tasting, smelling
Thousands of drop-sized
Explosions of cold intensity
Upon naked flesh
Sensory overload, exhilarating
Breathing in bits of gasping
Then laughing in between
Heaven facing youthful screams
And splashing,
Lots and lots of splashing
Then we would embrace storms
Celebrate in the wonder
Joy, and a grin
Wash over me reminiscing
To be so young again
Would lessen moments such as this
Back then I knew no inkling
Blissfully unaware
Of a rainy day such as now
That the grown version could
Would cherish vividly
The simple little
Long ago magic moments
As a kid knows them
Living them perfect.
Remembering how differently I viewed everyday moments as a child compared to now as I hunker inside from a rainy day.
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2018
I like your eyes
They suit you well
The slightest hint of green
Camouflaged in a sort of blue
Maybe grey
Hard to be certain
If I try, when I do
That is exactly the time
You decide to slide them away
Never knowing mine
Too often, too consistent
Don't worry,
I can read between lines
Pretty, I know you are used to it
Most that try are trying
To think that I am guilty
And my motives hide desires
Then there is no need worrying
I do not have designs or am I trying
Simply appreciating the colors
That compliment you friendly smile
Not my type though pretty you may be
Im a man of acquired tastes
It suits me, the ones that get me
the way they do,
Is less assumingly
Unlike you do.
assuming eyes,
Slide away always
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2018
Where now should I make myself be
Right here as I lay my machine mimicking
Predawn in artificial light I listen
The air as i take it in deep as weight
It feels dreamt up, artificial, viscously vital
Less loose this fragile link to everything
The rise and fall is as it should be
I tease to fill the conscious cost then
My net cast keeps the illusiveness of emotion
From freely doing as it pleases
Mindless the cause, unconscious to the present
Awaken first within where i recognize
I am not this blood, not this meat
all i am ever going to be
Cannot be found in these tools we use
When inside the place we all reside
Needs to be reminded of what living
Or the interpreting may experienced
It is through this breathing, needing,
Mortal vessel that sees through the eyes I've come to understand as being
Two dark pools of it all
The being in control is me
Jack R Fehlmann Oct 2018
You



Resounding proof
You
The one I design
these lines to
For

You

Heart beating deeper
I hear them
Brutally trying
To hide you're inner longing

To you


I am




Sorry
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