I scratch my scars
peel them off.
Turn them into scraps.

They never stop bleeding
because I don’t want them to.
This poetry is made of pain,
a style nib dipped in blood.

Verses made of hatred.
of
   pain;
           of
   blood

Some people need a sunset
and a coffee
to find their words.

What I need
is to fill my body with my own aches
until
        there
                 is
and                nothing
      I                            left
        can
               dip
                      my
                            words
                                       in
                                     ­       it.

Do you remember
that first poetry book?
Poemas de Otoño
     de
           Rubén
  Darío.

Do you remember when
you borrowed it?

“It was the first book
she ever read
         out
     of
            pleasure”

Your mother said.

It was the last one too,
wasn’t it?

Because you are gone now.
Gone forever.
Gone with no coming back,
gone with no reply,
with no promise of an
“I’ll meet you again”

Nothing.

You are no longer there to console me.
There is nothing to cling into.
No hope.

No hope except for a shallow dream,
the empty promise of the afterworld,
the holy gates.

I’d be religious
just for you.

But my brain was never made for blind belief.

So I’ll pull deidities aside
and grasp into poetry,
in a hope that
if heaven can’t be real
at least I’ll bring my demons
into earth.
Into paper.

Into
ink.

You lie and lie and lie over and over again.
Every lie, a post-it on your face, covering your body.

After so many lies
I can no longer recognize what is found behind.

They are your barricade,
but we all know that they are papercut.

And no matter how thick you make them out to be,
paper will never be wood again.

Feelingless eyes flicker through the streets.
They see cars moving around.
Their owners blend with the vehicles
until society becomes nothing but a uniform machine.

A uniform, lonely, horrible machine.
Everything
         becomes
    gray.

We are so fragile.
We could break at any moment.
God could leave us scattered on the ground
like broken, old, used toys.

God is like a child:
Tsunamis his tantrums.
Humans his marionettes.
Humans    
      are          
             God’s
         voodoo
    dolls.

And he plays with us;
He stitches red needles into our bodies.

I think there is nothing left in mine.
No filling.
No nothing.
I am empty inside.

you cried and cried and thought nobody cared
you think you’ve stopped trying
but
     i
      can
           hear
                  it
                    in
                       your
                               words
                                                      you haven’t
they ripped at your seams
singed your soul
and you thought it was natural
its not
its not natural to hate
yes there may be shadows lurking in this deep dark world
but thats because you have a light
     i
      can
           hear
                  it
                    in
                       your
                               words
the monsters are selfish creatures
they only lift you to the light to dim your fight
to make you give up
because even they know that on the other side where the monsters cant roam
there isnt a single sliver of darkness

you think we all see what you see
but we cant
you see yourself through a hall of broken mirrors
what WE see is beauty
we see survival
we see a soul full of life
one that has it locked away deep inside
but not deep enough
because
     i
      can
           hear
                  it
                    in
                       your
                               words
we all have secrets
they never need to be said
dont force it
scream
but dont hate yourself
from all ive seen
its impossible
when you stare into shattered glass
you see all of you
you’re the stunning reflection
not the jagged edges
those edges were what cut you in the first place
and that, you will never be
     i
      can
           hear
                  it
                    in
                       your
                               words
you dont need a happy strategy
you dont need to cry in the dark
the dark doesnt deserve your tears
nor the earth your effort in a smile

you may not see it but there is everything to live for
live for YOUR smile
you think they’ve taken it
but thats one of the things you dont get to give away
it stays with you
they WANT your tears
so give them your smiles [they hate them]

YOU are the only one that wants it
people care [but for some reason you cant see it]

you dont have to smile when they do
you aren’t a mirror
you are a PERSON

SPEAK all you want
im listening
HURT could never come again if you didnt CARE
who CARES if they dont CARE
they
can
go
to
h e  l   l

you                 |          dont
are                   |         put
not                   |        yourself
broken             |        so low

he left out the sunshine because you found a way to make your own
he didnt brush away the storm clouds because he knew you could tame the lightning
you werent finnished halfway
you were his greatest masterpiece

no one can ruin you
cant you see the point
only you can let them do it
only you can leave them behind
dont look back
dont beg
its what they want
its a twisted high they love
they love to play perfect family
picture perfect expensive things
they love it when you say nothing
thats when theyre safe
never say nothing
let people know
i know we think its rare but there are so many with a heart of gold
dont plaster on a smile
let the angels see your tears
though angels and demons wear the same masks
not all that wear a mask are evil
dont take the easy road
take the narrow path
take the high road
it makes you better
than the monsters that lurk
the ones who say you dont matter
the ones who say your feelings arent real
you are a genius
worthy
deserving
beautiful
if you will belive them
then give me that courtesy too
belive me

the chains you think surround you are made of glass
one yank and they’ll be gone
the ones around your soul tighten with your tears and loosen with a true smile
the fist feeds on salty tears
dont let it clamp down on your heart any tighter

if i had one minute
id give it to you
but you dont need the minute
im sure they loved you
the picture frame may be broken but the people inside stay the same

that stupid black truck with silver accents is a ghost
one you can walk through
it cant touch you anymore
and you will never shed another tear for it

though your fingers tremble
it shows there is blood in your veins
pumping faster than ever
you want to survive
your soul just hasent realize it yet

punch it all into your skin
the mediocre middle
and crisis averting end
but dont cover up your scars
let them be the rough beginning
let yourself
laugh
love
learn
everyday
let it be the bad days you write about
not the good ones
let the good ones be the normal
the ones where you see green eyes
pink noses
and silky black tails

BE a people pleaser
make others happy in places where you couldnt be
but you can BE a people pleaser without letting them take advantage
besides if they hurt you
why would you want to be on that bandwagon

grow
out
your
nails
and NEVER let them scream at you
NEVER let them see you bleed
NEVER let them break you
NEVER stop gluing the pieces back together
those pieces were forged in titanium
thats why they can only fracture
you’re
too
strong
too stong to continue the cycle
the fear of it bleeds through your words
thats how i know you wont
you’re too scared of it

you are:
beautiful
              belive me
                             your soul is
worth it ALL
                     belive me
                                     all the gold in the world                                                      
seen
­      belive me
                     because, because of you i feel seen too
perfect
           belive me
                           and not despite your flaws
                           but because of them

put down the smoke
it makes your lungs as black as their hearts
put down her bony wrists
everyone is perfect in their own perfect way
why go through life thinking
it could be worse?
thats the manipulation talking
its all a step bellow the barrest of minimums
its diabolical

dont act
the world may not deserve it but it would love to see you
let the pain out but dont slice it open
coerce it out so it never returns
get closure

never try to fit a mold, lovely
someday youll be the color somebody needs to complete their painting

you never need to hide the scars
you never need to bleed
you can control how you deal
but please
never let yourself bleed
and let your inner voice shut the hell up
because only the bad ones leave
the good ones will stay until you push them away
to Lyle

I hate the way you isolate yourself when you need help the most,
because I just want to hold your hand and tell you it'll be ok,
be a shoulder to cry on,
the person you rely on.

I wish I were your neighbor and I could visit you every day.
I wish I lived next door. I wish I could be by your side.
But I’m not.

Because I'm a thousand miles away.
So please,
please,
please.

Let me in. talk to me.
Don't get lost in yourself
Let me be the light
Let me guide you through the darkness of your mind.
Let me get my hands ***** with your thoughts—
At least this one time.

I just want you to be okay.

I want the distance to be the only thing pushing us apart.