Ironic,
That the sun should seem so bitter,
In all it's wonder and brightness

With vehement force,
The white, weighty water,
Races between my thighs,
Grazing my fingertips,
Crashing into the wasted bank,
And splintered stone,
Scattered about the course,
Surging towards the fringe,
Of the river road,
My toes curl,
Latched to the rock-ridden surface,
Fighting the undertow,
As the water plunges,
Down the waterfall

I'm not sure what I'm holding on to,
I can't see past my eyes,
Not anymore,
There's no taste,
When the senses meet my tongue

I break,
Under your hands,
Conforming,
To your pressure,
And substance,
Religiously studying,
The design you've made of me,
Fitting the corners,
Becoming the curves,
Filling arms,
And leaking,
Inconstant,
From moonlight eyes

Utter defeat,
Bleeds like poison,
from these futile tears,
Carelessness,
Is all he has to offer,
Closer to the door,
With every second,
My words,
Can no longer hold him back,
I know I mean nothing,
From the moment he leaves,
I carry the weight,
Of worthlessness

Beat down,
Under the heat of day,
Burnt with longing,
Irrational hunger,
A lust for pain,
That only that which I cannot have,
Can put to rest

I lay my hands over the rot
concealed within my belly
and imagine instead
I am ripe with a husband's love,
feeling for the beating warmth
of a life beginning inside
my desolate womb.
I await constantly
the trial of my womanly worth;
this man may be my judge.

©Isobel G.     15.02.2022

I loved you in the timeless hours
of a dark city.
In the morning, who you were
had been replaced;
the people that we were together
no longer there.
All the memories erased, so you
could love somebody new.

But the shadow of you still lingers
incompletely;
wandering through my slideshow memories
like the glimpse of your eyes fleeting
round the carousel.
A flash under the cinema lights,
over before it began.

Now I'm on someone else's mind
but I'm still under you
in mine.

I feel like you can't hold me,
I'm too cut open,
Too insubstantial,
Too much space,
Too much glue,
Not enough pieces

I want to take apart my skin
when the sun is too bright
and the world is too full
of people who will never know me.

I want to open the rivers
inside my wrists and empty them;
to pour myself away
the way I pour whisky
into my empty stomach,
and my hypothermic limbs
into stranger's beds.

I live my life on an island,
and my world is small.
I stand for hours on my shore,
waiting for the plates of the earth
to shift beneath me;
to carry me across the oceans
to continents that I will never reach
on my own.

Sunlight, dawning beyond the platform,
Pink and gold harmonies,
I look down,
At the train tracks,

Gravel, lost between the rails,
Humble wooden planks,
Aging silently,
I wonder if I could walk on them,
With the dancing autumn leaves,

Couldn't I just jump,
I could lay down on them,
No goodbyes, no second thoughts,
And take one last breathe...
I take a step to the edge,

The ground shudders,
As if in disagreement
Train racing round the bend,
My one hope,
My small window of opportunity,
Gone,
As I leave this town behind,
On my train

We're growing up too fast,
You're breaking between my fingers,
Hiding between my sheets,
Pillow forts crashing down,
I just want to hold on,
To what we have,
We can still be children,
A moment more

Remembering,
Who we were,
Your hands on me,
Was all I needed,
Just to be,
Someone,
With you,
Moving too fast,
Blurring through time,
Blending,
Into the scenery

Consumed by remorse,
For honesty,
Regretful of mere existance,
Understanding is all,
She ever wanted,
The only reason,
She bothered to change,
But life has a habit,
Of being unpredictable

My pulse fades fast,
The end is nigh,
I'm at loss without you,
Unsure of myself,
Or how to be,
Longing for the comfort,
Of the gentle touch,
Of your warm fingers,
On my cool skin,
To lose ourselves,
In a place untouched,
By Time's withering hand

I am cold,
The very incarnation,
Of emptiness,
Hail Mary
His corpse,
Consumes me,
Our Father
The rosewood,
Holding him,
Withing the herse,
Hail Mary
Who are we,
Without him

Death shadows,
Over the empty house,
He looks upon,
The girl and the gunshot wound,
Through her ivory temple,
Spattered beautifully,
With fresh, crimson tears,
He witnesses her,
Breathing for the last time,
Before he takes,
Life from her discarded body,
And hears her last thought,
Echoing within the dark room,
He listens as she wonders:
*How will he find out?

This world is a kaleidoscope,
Of plaster in my fingers,
And walls in pieces

Spill from the seams,
It's not healthy,
To taste blood in water,
And bones behind skin,
Withered and lost for colour,
You're fading into sepia,
Into the hollow,
Of my unconscious mind,
My eyes see only,
The skeletons

Euphoria has a habit,
Of making me,
Restless, jumpy,
But not in the same way,
The paranoia does,
This time,
I'm filled with something,
Lighter than air,
I'm to awake,
Too alive,
To sleep,
Gravity cannot hold me,
In my chair,
Or keep my feet,
On the ground,
And my mind,
From the clouds,
The rarest thing of all:
A smile, a laugh,
That for once,
Is utterly genuine,
Not feigned in the least,
Because I'm beyond,
Euphoria

The edges burn to black,
The light is fading,
I bleed the colours,
From my eyes,
And swallow my dreams,
Banishing them,
To the darkest hollows,
Of my mind,
As I prepare,
For tomorrow's disappointment

I tear my heart to pieces,
My own veins do I open,
Shedding my own blood,
A most painful endurance,
For love,

To breathe,
For the smallest of moments,
In your presence

The best word for me,
Must be fragile,
Easily broken,
Sensitive to touch,
Too soon shattered,
I don't fit in with stereotypes,
I'm too much of everything,
To be one,
Young at heart,
But an old soul,
Damaged goods,
With wounds that don't heal,
And a mind that bleeds,
In words

I have a dream,
That we could lie,
Under the summer night sky,
Beneath the lonely stars,
Just you and me,
The soft, green grass,
Under our backs,
Nowhere but up,
And your heart will beat,
Dangerously fast with mine,
The world too far away,
Just us and the sky,
With Panic! in the background,
"I wanna live a life from a new perspective",
Over and over again,
'Til we fall asleep,
Intertwined

Honesty,
I demand so much,
Too much truthfullness,
Yet this hypocracy is inevitable,
If it had been anything else,
But this inquisition,
I wouldn't be so hesitant,
To reveal myself,
But I can't take,
Another letdown,
So here's a lie,
The first,
The last,
*"No"

The poison's seeping in,
Through my insides,
Burning what's left of you,
Blurring all I can remember,
The memories are fading out,
Acid drips from my mouth

So consumed, am I,
By pain,
A pain so strong,
It grows real within,
Aching inside of me,
It over-whelmes me,
Distracting me from thought,
Taking me as it's victim,
Destroying what's left,
And leaving me an empty shell,
Cast off and useless to the world

Turning pages,
Impatient,
Say something

Floating,
Pleasantly oblivious,
In false clarity,
'Til the sun goes down,
Tinting the sky,
A vibrant array,
Of golden red,
And sweet marigold hues,
I slip,
8eyond the safety,
Of the calm surface,
Sinking carelessly,
Allowing gravity to drown,
What's left,
Without a single attempt,
Of protest,
Drifting peacefully,
From conciousness,
Into the unknown,
With wistfulness,
Painted on my face,
As I die,
Searching hopelessly,
In the sky,
For him

I threw up blood and toothpaste,
Swirling down my sink,
I thought it might be beautiful,
But really, it was sick.

It's never an intention,
Just reflex; purge and flush,
Humanity's out of context,
I'm not in it for the rush.

Once,
I had someone to hold,
He wrote me a love song,
Every day,
He wrote to me,
He loved me,
Like I loved him,
I wrote him back,
Every day,
He wrote, "I love you",
One thousand times,
"I miss you",

Once,
I had someone to hold,
'Til we went our seperate ways,
Unwillingly but dutifully,
So tell me, to whom now,
Shall I post this letter,
And it's lonesome, gentle words,
Who shall hear my love-sick melodies,
And stitch the ever-bleeding wounds,
Of this lonely soul,
Before the night swallows hope whole

My insides are sick,
Choked up with second-hand tar,
You used to fill someone else with,
I'm all ******* in daisy chains,
And his baby eyes,
Fill me up with constellations,
Burnt up stars don't shine

Complexity,
Challenging the world,
She's not a simple problem,
I'm still trying to figure out,
Her past,
In regards to the puzzle of her present

It used to be simple,
No pain, no accusations,
Like breathing,
But it never lasted long

In such devastating times,
I sleep on shattered glass,
And bleed darkness,
Into the blackened sky,
For hope is lost,
Death has taken,
Everything,
But my steady heartbeat,
And left me to live,
In this emptiness

I have to make myself empty;
starve myself away.
I have to exist less,
I can't stand my existence.
I'm taking up too much space.

I cut myself to fit,
small enough for your shadow.
Make myself scarce before
you can give me the slip.
So there's less of me
to give
and less of me to take.

How small should I make myself
so that I'm not too much.

"You caught a plane"

                     *More correctly:
                                I broke your fall,
                                you broke my neck.






                                                   ­                    Don't catch planes.

Breathe in the sunshine,
I haven't felt it for so long,
Tell me what it tastes like,
That humble gold,
On your lips