Undeserving of my halo,
I flee,
Abandoning the stars,
Casting it off,
As I leave you,
A mess,
Such a mess,
Goodbye

I can't undo this;
I can't untangle you from
my sheets.

I can't cut away my scars.

I can't unravel my knotted veins.

I can't see past this.

The poison's seeping in,
Through my insides,
Burning what's left of you,
Blurring all I can remember,
The memories are fading out,
Acid drips from my mouth

Tears slip down,
Below the rims,
Of my red eyes,
Tears like shards of glass,
The fragments scrape,
Revealing crimson through ivory,
Acid tears,
Burning my cheeks,
The same as ever before,
As I drift into unconciousness

You taste like emotion,
Gone cold and stale,
Like raw metal,
In an acid wash,
Out of date and high toxicity,
The kind I'd mix into my organs,
If I felt like giving up

I just want to be,
Another acoustic note,
Played under your fingers

Death,
She cries,
Into the merciless night,
I long for you,
Yes, she longs for Death,
Her soul yearns,
To shed her scarred skin,
Please, I beg for mercy,
She is pleading,
Drunk with desperation,
Take me away from here,
Holding the gun to her head now,
Ready to end her lonely existence,
Hopeless,
This is all I have,
Nothing,
For she has nothing to lose,
This is all I can give,*
She pulls the trigger

Descend upon the clouds,
moth-eaten words,
withered and frail
and at once, form the dust
that is the star of our mourning
and choke within the grasp
of the pale night.

And so, adieu.

I live my life on an island,
and my world is small.
I stand for hours on my shore,
waiting for the plates of the earth
to shift beneath me;
to carry me across the oceans
to continents that I will never reach
on my own.

I apologise,
I don't believe in apologies,
We don't believe in God,
We don't turn to Satin,
Love is our religion,
Death is our vice,
A far more tragic existence

It's like candle wax on a birthday cake;
a big, hard stone in your throat.
Like the amounting frustration
crushed up in a child's fists
when mummy says 'no'.
It's knowing there's an enemy
in a friend; a monster
under your bed.

Breathing's barely bareable,
I'm losing this thing called control,
It's like a car-crash,
Like a whorl-wind,
Like the stabbing of a knife,
Through the black bruise,
On your broken heart,
That tears at your insides,

Flashback back to better times,
When I don't dream,
And you don't cry,
Pull me back to stable days,
And nights of certainty,
Fall out of time and make us right,
Pull the trigger and say good-bye,
Take me back: I miss you

I feel your bones through
your skin and I wonder
if you love me.

Do you picture,
A home,
Enclosed in snow,
Juxtaposed with ocean sand,
And the blaring light,
Of a fresh white sky,
Gumboots and maples,
Cemented in the dampness,
Of mud and dew,
Ice and oak walls,
Dripping with the gold,
Of morning

Honesty,
I demand so much,
Too much truthfullness,
Yet this hypocracy is inevitable,
If it had been anything else,
But this inquisition,
I wouldn't be so hesitant,
To reveal myself,
But I can't take,
Another letdown,
So here's a lie,
The first,
The last,
*"No"

Wrapping my arms,
Around the emptiness,
That is your shadow,
You are far away,
As he is fading,
Everything falls,
Slipping through my fingers,
And shattering around me,
But all I can do,
Is stare

I'm letting his lips,
Unfamiliar, collide with mine,
Just so I can feel something,
Just so I'll be out of breath,
Because I'm wishing it was you,

I'm not holding his hand,
In my mind,
It's your arm,
That's slung loosely around my waist,

I'm not looking for someone else,
Just for what I'm missing,
You see me,
Wasting my time,
With guy after guy,
But all I'm seeing is you

A fresh start,
A blank canvas,
A new year,
Already tainted with pain,
Already heart-ache and sadness,
Have painted the empty pages,
Of the year I hoped would be different,
But you and your selfishness,
Have stolen away from me,
My opportunity for a clean break,
Poisening it with tears,
Gone is my chance,
To turn a new page,
In my unsatisfied book of memoirs

I tear my heart to pieces,
My own veins do I open,
Shedding my own blood,
A most painful endurance,
For love,

To breathe,
For the smallest of moments,
In your presence

It used to be a game,
A bet with chance,
A cross with time,
With years gone by,
The reasons changed,
I bleed to survive,
I'm anchored by pain

A finger, gently approaching
it's owner's counterpart.

A hand and it's twin,
enclosed around a waist, locked
around hips and wrists.

An arm wrapped over another's torso,
concealing the chill of night,
as two shoulders meet.

A neck, kissed by a lover's breath,
which trails from lips, snaking towards
the curve of a red smile.

Two tongues, caught in the fervor
of passion and darkness, that lights
a flame in their cheeks.

Lashes scraping noses with the flutter
of an eyelid; eyes embrace their sight
as they open.

It's all crashing down around me,
Buildings falling over hollow foundations,
The sky, collapsing into itself,
The shadows surround me,
My world, coming to an end

From the distance,
He finds me,
With those animal eyes,
Blue and orange and white,
Twisted and sharp,
Concluding with his pupils,
Deep and dark and wide,
Dragging me down,
Like the undertow,
I'm paralyzed,
By those animal eyes

Why is it,
That whenever I need someone most,
They seem to disappear,
To evaporate into a substance,
Thinner than this stale air,
Leaving me,
A mess

I feel coldness within me,
the gentle thrum of my quiet heart.
Frantic, muffled beating,
that hums against my ribs,
gaining momentum,
as pupils swallow irises;

all consuming blackness.

Nothing's quite clear,
The room spinning out of control,
Too much blood to the head,
So much to think about,
Everything is on my mind,
All at once,
His silence is too loud,
The ambulance, the hospital,
Death and illness,
Does he hate me?
Few of many thoughts,
That plague my mind,
When I should be sleeping,
But even in my dreams,
The find me somehow

We're alive,
The words don't sound,
Right,
They are bitter-sweet,
Stale,
Living*,
Are we living,
A lie

The winter winds,
The grey skies,
Exactly as I remember,
It seems I never left

Being away from you,
Is all I really fear,
When you're gone,
The darkness, the emptiness,
Emerges once again,
Stronger than before,
As I stand in your wake,
With nothing,
But the torment of feeling,
Knowing how easily,
You could forget me

The coldness settles,
Surrounding me,
I shrink into the fog,
Letting the frost,
Eat out my eyes,
And turn my world,
To grey,
As the winter grows,
Inside me

Your voice,
Motions a collosal shift,
From within me,
The words make changes,
Between us,
And I dream,
Of summer sun,
In your eyes,
As we collide

Air swirled by the force of the opening door,
Tousling my chestnut curls,
As I breathe in the stale air,

I am faced with dust coated boxes,
Filled to their brims,
With old memories hidden long ago,

Chills run down my spine,
Coursing through my blood,
I do not want to go back,
I do not want to remember,

But I know it's the only way,
To get over the distant, fading past

So here I am again,
Back to bleeding,
Waiting in the dark,
Overwhelmed and underrated,
Just hoping you can hear me,
And in my darkest hours,
I wonder where you are,
Was I on your mind,
For even a moment

Unholy light, dim with secrets
two angels
grappling in the endless black.