I realized something

No matter how many times

I try to fix everything

no matter how many times

I try to change who i am

monsters dont get happy endings

Make a difference?
Be the difference!
There's the difference
For me.

When the wind
Shouts down the leafs,
I hear.

If clouds mass
In formation,
I see.

As the ground
Rolls its fat,
I feel.

Should the rain
Reach my lips,
I taste.

After  bees
Give birth to scents,
I smell.

Near you,
I'm senseless.

I find solace in the clouds
-she brings rain
to cool my brow

tranquil in my fever-
I close my eyes
and leave here

solace in tranquility.

r ~ 9/4/14

No new messages.

I don’t know where you are on the other side of the screen. But I want to know. Badly.

No new messages.

I’m not sure what I’ve become, in these seconds, of being patient.

No new messages.

My soul only wants one thing, I realize: You. Your attention. Your sympathy. Your words to make me feel better.

No new messages.

I’m going crazy now. I want you, your touch through words. I want to know that you’re listening to my thoughts. That you’re here for me.

No new message.

My patience is running out, my love for you is too. Staring at a screen, wanting something only you can give.

What has my life become? I am nothing. Saving time for you to talk to me, when I should concentrate on what’s important.

No new messages.

My life is useless. I am looking for the wrong goal. But I keep staring, hoping you’d somehow send me a message, telling me it’s ok.

No new messages.

I’m tired. I’m sorry. I can’t stop being the crazy girl I am. But I’m in love, that’s all I can say.

No new messages.

I get it, you’re not online. Fine. I’ve stopped caring. What’s the point? Forget you. I hate you. I wish we’d never met.

No new messages.

Yes, I’m still here. Can’t you see? It’s been hours, I’ve been staring at this screen since you said you’d be here. I’m not ready to give up. Are you there, somehow?

No new messages.

I’ve tried, but it’s getting late. I’m sorry. Even though I know you’re not here. Please know that I still care.

I type in a new message and then sign out.

I Love You.

dust kept on his gift
the one thing i have left
of his presents, of our existence

the rooms in my home still remind me
of every memory we ever made
the nights i doused in his arms
to waking up to his light

our first kiss
where it once took place
it plays in my mind
without haste

our dance in the moonlight
our deepest talks
they're every where around me
every where we use to walk

so i escape that city
and call it home no more
but every now again i feel
the past knock on the door

my heart will hold his place
tucked away to be forgotten
though ill always feel lost
ill remember what id gotten

There's a mirror in the bedroom
in it stands a dying girl
fading now, her skin transparent
pale beneath her crimson curls.

Standing there beneath her heartbreak
weighted down by the love of man,
enchanted by her slowing heartbeat,
love lies bleeding in her hand.

Deep inside she holds a secret,
words that form a heavy cross
with brittle spine it's weight she carries
fearing judgement, feeling lost.

There's a mirror in the bedroom
at my broken self I stare
shaking now, I'll start erasing
till I am no longer there.