If I would have cried
It wouldn’t have shown

I sat on the floor
of the bathroom
trying to warm myself
from the cold

Believing as always
that when you are warm
you feel less alone

I comforted myself
with the fact that
noodles and chocolate
tastes better on the way up
than down

As I thought about that
long look you gave me
when you took your hammer to my heart

If I would have cried
It wouldn’t have shown

I only cry on the inside
There is no use getting your face wet if you are all alone

These organs in my body have never seen the light of day
I want to set them free
It makes me sad
That they have never seen the sun
Never seen the stars
I want to set them free
I want to let them
See the sun

I don’t know what has happened to me
I am not the person I became last year
I am not the person I was when I became me
How could I lose myself so fast?
I barely had time to open my eyes
Before I was gone
What happened to the me I had become?

The withdrawal is killing me
My cells are longing for the warmth of your body
For the feel of your skin on mine
For the vision of you to be on my corneas
My hands are itching to hold yours
My heart feels like it’s caving in upon itself
I can’t breathe
I need to be near you
I need to feel you
I need you
The withdrawal is killing me

With your smile
you tear down my walls
and
my foundations,
Leaving me naked
Bare
Standing on an ledge smaller than my feet

Smile
and I will fall,
Harder than ever before

I rearrange the furniture in my head
So that I can fit the boxes in.
It’s an enormous amount.
I am building towers,
But they are spilling over.
Your laughter is everywhere.
Everything you’ve ever said,
Spilled out on the floor.
Every time I’ve looked at you,
Cramped into too tight boxes
In a too full head.
I can't let anything go.