I wish I could dance in the rain
instead,
I lay in bed
whispering in my own ear
*you won't find the sun today

he didn't seem like the type
to take his own life
always happy
spreading limitless light
gave it all to them
left none for him
an empty house
once the party ends
retreat to his mind
the hell he finally found
a way out of

writers
block
or
messy
mind
or
useless
thoughts
or
meaningless
wo­rds

I've felt the gloom
got a little extra room
for yours
don't hold back, let me in
let my shaky voice
guide us to the unknown
who knows
maybe it'll be fun
finding our way home
after never truly having one
promise me you'll stay
I need to keep close
I cant get lost, without you
knowing you're not in sight, I will be blind
to the love, to the world
life will fade into gray
I'll lose my breath
fall into death, whatever that is
just stay here,
we can be lost
together

safe is the sound of only one set of footsteps walking home

when  your eyes met mine that first time
I felt the weight of you

the future and past met me there in that gaze
and blindly I followed the music my heart shared with my mind

days keep pushing forward
and I will keep trying to push you away from me

you are just as stubborn as your mother
just as beautiful, too
I am here
watching as you grow
my blood flowing through your veins
I know my death brings so much pain
each time you collapse
just know
I am here
watching as you grow
I've loved you more than you'll ever know
remember who you are
this way ill never leave your soul
I told you
that you are
my bravest one
I didn't say you had a choice

I am a monarch butterfly
one look at me
will have you questioning
your understanding of reality

I'm in awe every day
of how I move without direction
knowing full well that I am trusting an invisible truth
still, I reach out into the world
for anything I can hold onto
doubting that I understand direction at all
letting the rain wipe out the light I know is there
the light that I helped create

full of doubt
full of fear
falling slowly

I will rise again
I have a place that I belong
a place I have never seen
it holds a space for my body
for my soul, for me
and I will get there one of these days
just you watch

do you steal because you have to
or because you want more
more money
more possessions
more status
survival is hard already
this will only make it harder on you

walk a straight path and doors will open
fall into traps of crime and greed and all the darkness will soon
overcome the light

I sit in traffic
with a text from you
"yes or no?"
my mind recreates the night in both scenarios
the question isn't hard to answer
except that my mind doesn't stop there
it explodes imagining two separate realities
two realities with one choice
just one word
with the power to alter everything

I want your love
just you
and all of you
nothing more
nothing less
just you
that would be plenty for me...

and I think

I am breaking apart once more
feels like this never ends
when will I feel whole again?

I knew you once
before you changed
but who am I to question
a person I no longer know

my soul leaks crimson red
my demons parade inside my head
my hands grab hair to punish pain
my heart aches as I stare coldly at my eyes
my eyes are empty

my dreams force me to face
this unhealed reality
I'd call them nightmares
if it surprised me

i am more love than doubt
a reality i have never known
something wonderful has shifted
led me to this moment
to this garden
i am free because i am me
nothing more
nothing less
my own eyes giving me life

your beauty is beyond skin and bones
look into my eyes as i search within yours
are we less hidden each new time?
are there ways to hide even when you want only
to be seen?
and be seen by you...
ive lived my life
back turned on my own home
i surely belonged to someone....
frantic, hungry, cold
making "home" any door that would open

theres enough time left to never go back
to cherish the home ive made myself
the one where my heart has taken root
grown taller than i ever even looked
neck cranked towards the sun
no matter where i am
or who is around me
i will never be lost
i am home

my home is me