I broke
some time ago
watch as my light fades into fear
watch these eyes fight the friction of my mind
watch as my life falls to pieces  once more
I will be right next to you
watching
too

2 pills to keep me moving
3 pills to fall asleep
makes me wonder
if my dreams are more real than reality

I am an empty glass of wine
what once was luminous
turned to grime
one time I tried to forget what it was to be alive
the aching love
the painful scars
but my mind wouldn't let any of them go
holding on to each breath I can remember

to be alive
you must accept the grotesque as graciously
as you accept beauty
and so it is painful to be alive
oh
but just wait for the day
you feel love pumping through your veins
wait for the moment you finally see
you are not just this body
you are not just the memories you cling to
Just wait for the day that love is enough

that day
you won't need any other answer

don't you see
the rays drip golden crystals
a beauty to make any man weep
wind chasing leaves and ringing chimes
each moment just waiting to be heard
and the sun
she dances all throughout the day
waiting for her love
to lift the weight of the world
off your shaky bones

a period between lives
convinced her
writing
would release her soul
how naive, you see
only death
can possibly free life

my home was a vacant lot at 3 am
the walls blank and floors dusty
retreated to my thoughts
forever lost
when
suddenly
you held my hand
walked me to my own front door
led me to my soul
took my breath away
you
brought me to my home
showed me, my own love
...
my light
my home
my life

heat escaped from your arm to mine
I needed to feel your warmth one last time
but as the temperature of your body
steadily declined
so did the light
in my eyes

I'd rather be alone
than lonely
among those who don't accept me as I am
funny how
finding friends
is harder than finding me

hungry eyes
lock mine
ravenous smile
shapeshifting tongue
only seconds pass but
I know those eyes
I warn I have a lover
that smile slowly fades
and as you start to walk away
I learn those eyes don't leave when you do
it makes me wonder
if you have ever
even seen
mine

you
keep me together
-
my mind plays these tricks
holds back the truth
and underlines the lies
it's so easy for me
to remind myself, I'm not ok
-
you don't know what to say
-
nothing you say can help
so...
I tell you
you're not worth my time
I tell you
I'm not worth my time
you hold me tighter
because 4 years later
you have learned these words aren't mine
you know I am here hiding behind my pride
still, you kiss her ugly frame
god how did I get this lucky
to love and be loved
by a man who loves
both sides of me

eyes open a bit more each time I wake
mind savors the extra space
don't let it end
it's so nice to see the colors of the world

im running out of patience
waiting for peace of mind
anxiety, selfishness, depression
stuck like glue
lifetimes it feels trapped being blue
except when I'm with you
your arms hold all four of us
unafraid of our shade
you love my demons to death
they look back at me with confusion
they always told me you would leave
you only held tighter

you tell me
is it really as simple as a yes or a no
doesn't seem that way  when I look into the iris of your soul
you promised me a lifetime
now look at the shattered truth of our reality
you left me in a puddle of my blood
waiting for your promises to come true

the few moments I find clarity
she molds effortlessly to doubt
ruthlessly she steals my smile
holds it hostage with my worth

shes the first to say good morning
and the last to say goodnight
clinches harder to my body
when I focus on the light

*She finds her clarity in the moments I lose mine

two men greet a young woman
she smiles
they become weak
leap onto her fingertips
and bathe inside her beauty
she wears that beautiful smile like a crown
jewels glisten
she is art

there is nothing in the world I would rather do
than spill my tragic and triumphant truth
on purpose
writing tricked me into loving me,
let me believe that I am here
right now
*on purpose

my god,
you are magnificent

to think,
I stumbled across your soul,
before I even met mine

let me explain
you see, I spent
so much of my time
drowning
so that my friends would float
I lost my tongue
in search of a voice
to call my own

and my god,
is it silly of me to think,
that maybe when I met you
I finally met me

uninhabitable love
brown fur
is not to roam
among white snow
our eyes meet
let's find a way
why not
spend our lives defeating doubts
our love is worth
every goodbye