I don't think of our yesterdays.

Not wishing for our tomorrows.

I care about our todays as this is
the moments when our love is happening.

When he turns seventeen,

I wonder what he sees when he looks in the mirror.

A tall, lanky, star swimmer. Knowing him, his hair will probably be standing up the same way we joked about the first time I actually talked to him on the way in the school parking lot.
Must be the chlorine.

I wonder if he'll spend so much of his time as a seventeen-year-old pining over someone just like I did when I was his age.

Maybe it's gonna be the girl he's dating right now.
A girl that I'm friends with.
A girl who didn't deserve to have her heart broken by someone who truly wasn't good enough for her.
A girl who works hard and smiles big deserves someone who'll love her back.

I ask myself why she even went back in the first place, but then I remember I've fallen for someone I knew I could never have.

Why couldn't I have him? I'm pretty and social and can make most people smile. The girl who had everything, right?  Seemingly. Friends, a disposition of sunshine and love at every angle.
What's missing?
I couldn't tell at that very moment,

Who exactly did I long for?
Him.
Even though it was a crush that I had when I was seventeen, and I'm still seventeen, writing about it. Times can change when you realize what you value. I don't value him anymore.
But nothing is gonna stop me from keeping my eye out for her.

Falling in and out of love is what we do.

Water is complex
gives you life
But can drown you

"Don't **** yourself", they say.
Past me is still there, but is withering.
"**** what you don't love."
So, I killed what I didn't like,
and like a flaming Phoenix,
I rose once again.

Why am I afraid of something that millions upon millions of people feel?

I am afraid of falling in love with another person.

I dream about it, think about it, maybe even fantasize about what my future may hold,
            but I am scared.

Scared of having my heart broken into millions of pieces, scattered across the hemispheres of our planet
           Scared of not being able to comfort my lover when times of distress crash upon us, as they do to all
                          Scared of having a relationship that tastes of stale and stagnant wind, one that doesn't flow, no matter how much momentum you wish to be present

I asked myself: "Is something you don't know in entirety something you fear? Or is the fear characterized by the void of not knowing?"

One day, I will know the feeling of seeing the universe in the eyes of someone I'm fortunate to call my own..

But I wouldn't know, for that day is not something I can call mine.

Slipping away from my fingertips once again.
Beautifully breaking.
Fantastically falling apart.

Days spent pacing with your shallow heart racing just praying for an embracing.
The seasons will keep changing.
Waves will crumble to ashes.
Snow will melt into lungs, indirectly letting us inhale the wintry, frigid weather.
Flowers will be reborn once again and embody scent into our minds once more.
Dreaming of a day when I could rest in the canopy of dogwood and sweet honeysuckle.
Earth is where I'll remain, one with the howling winds and piercing air.
Flowery Aprils and Brutal Novembers.
Burt me regarding the sacred time of my last breath, be it in leaves of maples petals of tulip, crisps of December frost or maybe even crunchy sand in between my toes as told by the trodden beaches of Bora Bora in July.