when i said i wanted you i never meant a relationship
it was just stationary
we’d be better off with just a friendship
but my friends are all imaginary
sometimes i see you here with me
but it’s only a hallucination
one day you’ll come back, maybe..

i always tried to do the most with my time,
not anything productive- just something fun,
entertaining,
to cover up the fact that i’m mourning someone who still walks this earth.

my concept of “happiness” isn’t the usual one,
it might be rather depressing for some.
i think i wanted to say so many things, but said none.

living in eternal doom has become normal,
elders telling me to dress more formal,
acting like i’m just a doormat.

you’re the only one you can fully rely on,
only you can make a change.
people come, people go,
you will have yourself forever.
don’t stress over others,
friends or lovers too much.
if someone leaves,
grieve them as much as you please,
but don’t let it take over your life.
their presence will not save you.

Why can't I just cry instead of being angry, when I am stressed?
Why can't I be a little soft and tender,
Rather than being so hard and rock solid?
Why can't I be kind and fragile,
Instead of being strong and insane?
I don't want to be,
Who I am right now.
Can someone take me out of this?
I'm going mad.
Why me?
Why always me?

I keep going back to the time,
my life before you,
wondering how it would have been
had you not been a part of it.

Oh, how much I wish now,
to return to that life again
to be myself once more.

Let me say the word.
Let him give a chance.
It's beautiful, having it is grateful.
It's good, it's sunshine.
It makes withered bloom.
In the books i have read,
they say all about is the word.
The word is everywhere,
It's in the child's smile,
It's in the eyes, in the beating heart,
The word is unspoken yet understood.

walking the stanza
soon to be dancing
the seamless waltz.