I keep envisioning things you could have said
Ways you could make me blush
Ways you could’ve made me wear red
But instead, all I have from you
Are words that aren’t even there
just
echoes of memories from when you used to care

I keep envisioning us
And I’m blaming you
For making me have this dream
But its not ur fault
it is mine, for putting words in your mouth
And hoping they were true
You kept saying “ella you’re special”
And i kept believing  so were you

I keep envisioning a world where
You thought my smile was a sparkle
Where you laughed at my eyes
Because they glistened like the lake in summertime
Where you told me you loved me
And It was true
Where words meant something
And I did too.


I keep envisioning these things
I have these dreams in my head
It is your fault
I know you’ll never love me at all
And i’m angry for the words
You let me believe
But how can i be angry
When I know that the true believer in love
Was me?


I will always have a tiny corner in my heart for you
I saved it, engraved your name in it, its true
Your name will spark a special heartbeat
That even eyes can’t read
But
My name will only just be words to you
Words you never knew
Lyrics you never heard the song to
Meaningless words

Is that all I am to you

She says
There are no words
She’s right.
What am I
Supposed to write

Should I write about
The perfect model girls that
Plague my stormy night

Should I write  about
The hollow ache I know I’ll feel
When one by one
My loved ones disappear

Should I write about
The messed up cycle
I keep spinning in,
Claiming to change
Then giving in

Should I write about the cracked mirror in my heart
How the NUMBER on a scale
Can make me fall apart

Should I write about
The imperfections I see
The bad sister
Bad friend
I see in me

She says
There are no words.
Maybe there are,
But
They aren’t heard.

loving you was a day in the sun
smiles, laughter, fun
sadly, it is not possible for the sun to forever stand tall
but watch closely
there is beauty as it falls

Everyday
is another day I don’t text you
Everyday is another day I pretended I don’t miss you

Everyday

It’s silly I know
Can’t even say the words
Can’t even let this pain go

Everyday is another day I’m angry at you
For not caring like I do
But you can’t force someone to care
How can I still love you

Everyday

Everyday is another day he is just a picture in my head
Everyday I hear the three words
he never said

These are my three words

I HATE YOU  

but we know that’s not true
Because every day is a day I’m still loving you

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY
You broke my heart today.
it was unbReakablE
You proved me wrong
and I can’t
I can’t stOp thinkinG of midniGHT
(it’s a sonG)

I keep thinking
I should have seen u all along
I keep thinking
That we were midnight
AND I aM scaReD
I HATE to be lost
v u l n e r a b l e and unaware
Of the damaging STRENgth you had

but

We arE midnight
Pushing through thE dark
Pushing back
And after a while
I only see starry skies

not black

yes yes I know
this poem makes no sense
and That’s how

Love goes
it’s nonsense

Dangling on the edge of a skyscraper
Looking at the stars, loving you
are you looking at them too
Thinking of my eyes, sky blue?

dangling on the edge of a city tower
plucking rose petals from my flower
wondering
does he love me
Does he not
every petal
Reminds me he forgot

dangling on the edge of heartbreak
Pretending my heart doesn’t ache
Pretending my masked glares aren’t
Longing stares


Does he love me
Does he not
it hurts my heart
So I hate him
And his “maybe not”