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  Feb 21 Ella
The first time my world stopped,
Was the first time I saw you.
Moments only last so long,
And soon you'll be gone too.

I'll live hours while the world's stopped,
For this moment not to be taken away.
And before we end up six feet under,
I will live like I'm going to die each day.
  Oct 2019 Ella
i want to delete all the memories
just like i did with all our pictures
i want to forget our history
and act like we're strangers
i don't want to miss you anymore
i want to get over you and close the door
i know you're not missing me
i know this is how it's meant to be
#forget #memories #relationship #missyou #strangers
  Oct 2019 Ella
If I seem broken on the inside,
It was him. Not you,

(C) 23/10/2019
Scars left by another, seen by the one who loves us now
  Oct 2019 Ella
i’ve taught myself
to be silent when
i shouldn’t,
and now i’m not
when i should,

there i go,
obliviously, relentlessly
and uncontrollably making
my voice worthless and worth less.
Ella Oct 2019
I keep envisioning things you could have said
Ways you could make me blush
Ways you could’ve made me wear red
But instead, all I have from you
Are words that aren’t even there
echoes of memories from when you used to care

I keep envisioning us
And I’m blaming you
For making me have this dream
But its not ur fault
it is mine, for putting words in your mouth
And hoping they were true
You kept saying “ella you’re special”
And i kept believing  so were you

I keep envisioning a world where
You thought my smile was a sparkle
Where you laughed at my eyes
Because they glistened like the lake in summertime
Where you told me you loved me
And It was true
Where words meant something
And I did too.

I keep envisioning these things
I have these dreams in my head
It is your fault
I know you’ll never love me at all
And i’m angry for the words
You let me believe
But how can i be angry
When I know that the true believer in love
Was me?

I will always have a tiny corner in my heart for you
I saved it, engraved your name in it, its true
Your name will spark a special heartbeat
That even eyes can’t read
My name will only just be words to you
Words you never knew
Lyrics you never heard the song to
Meaningless words

Is that all I am to you
Not sure how to explain this poem, other than heartbreak. It's hard to move on, especially from love. It always hurts and I wanted to show that. I wanted to show that words have so many different ways to make you feel love or pain. How words play such a huge part in a relationship. How 3 words can change everything.
Ella Aug 2019
She says
There are no words
She’s right.
What am I
Supposed to write

Should I write about
The perfect model girls that
Plague my stormy night

Should I write  about
The hollow ache I know I’ll feel
When one by one
My loved ones disappear

Should I write about
The messed up cycle
I keep spinning in,
Claiming to change
Then giving in

Should I write about the cracked mirror in my heart
How the NUMBER on a scale
Can make me fall apart

Should I write about
The imperfections I see
The bad sister
Bad friend
I see in me

She says
There are no words.
Maybe there are,
They aren’t heard.
do you ever feel like the pain you feel is indescribable? Like there is this deep darkness you can’t shake, and all you want is to cry it off. This poem is about the silent pain, and the words we can’t say. There really are no words to explain the darkness and pain we all feel
  Aug 2019 Ella
loving you was a day in the sun
smiles, laughter, fun
sadly, it is not possible for the sun to forever stand tall
but watch closely
there is beauty as it falls
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