am i deserving of love, to love and to be loved? my mind started to question back as if i have had enough. it is the pathological effect from my illness that makes me feel like my mind was playing trick.

my days consisted of hesitation, building me a wall between what i used to feel so heavily and what i push away to the point where it’s hurting me. being vulnerable sometimes isn’t right way to start it off but on the other hand, refusing to be vulnerable can be more of a tired pattern of pushing people away and hiding your emotion too. seeing the breaths of silence dancing on the screen that parts us, makes me wounded to the pain of being vulnerable.

time to feel it blowing through, i’m trying hard not to sabotage my happiness anymore.

it was the day, i didn’t expect to find you
i didn’t expect to learn you
i didn’t expect to share so much
i was hesitant at first, but of course
i gave in, i opened up knowing full
you will left me too

the silence you gave is noxious
it's been a year of cautious
now and then i try to find
the fault in my mind

i might know the anger and sadness
and wish to go back to better times
that stems away from the awkwardness
and the action of my crime

one cold night
as i feel disincline
to do what i hate the most
i open my heart

as i always asked myself
what happens when people open their hearts?
do they get hurt?

i found out the answer
as i woke up the next day
atleast i feel refresh
"no, they get better"

scars between her flesh and skin
is just a prisoner as i touch
every battle she's in
yet it conceals so much

what secrets they hold
beneath those layers of light and love
she reigns without control
regret is what she got a plenty of

from those eyes i see
hold a misery hide
what do they see in me
with caution or bashful side

hello friend
that’s lame. maybe i should give you a name? but that’s a slippery *****, you’re only in my head. i didn’t want this. i created you. we have to remember that.

stop it.

why can’t i stop it? it’s just my illusion. it came by the time i want to hide it. i’m not hiding it but i’m a coward, it feels painful not to pretend. sometimes i dream of saving the world, saving everyone from the invisible hand, the one that forces us to go work with them, the one that control us everyday without us knowing it. i can’t help it. i’m not that special. just an anonymous.

****.

it’s actually happening again.
i’m talking to an imaginary friend.

hey dear lady
you got so pretty
and they are all looking at you
i can't held it too

who are you dear lady
you just drive me crazy
hurt me a pinch
look everyone's jaws drop an inch

your hair falls perfectly
like an art of the shady
it's parting ten out of ten
what glory for day of men