Dear Micah,

I sometimes feel you in hallways and
the sunlight between the blinds.

Motionless or watching
But silent
As I hesitate

And the space in the room is filling suddenly with only you
(a lot like your laughter , now floating on  wings of insects)
waiting for my next letter;
to mold words I can only feel through foreign entities
plagued with silence and melodies you used to know.
Now dying with you.

There are a thousand ways to say I miss you,
Im too sad to write even one.

The desert opened up her arms to me
and it was the color of a bruise

pink and blue
yet still could see your  changing face
the way eyes in the mountains
watch from a distance the size of god
then,
close enough again
to answer to the caves we left in one another

quiet drives leading to another end
a silent pursuit to fill with sand
It is here the graves of our ancestors are warm
their bones spell out to say:

love laid to rest will rise again in the spring
(The way the desert flower will collect dew
and tell no one)

and this is the way I love you
this is the way I love you

The silence of your calm washed over me like a wave

half thoughts

reaching down your sleeves only to meet disappointment with a knife cutting us in places we fear the most

but in those moments
I see you see me

waiting to leave or reappear

 Where is your mind where you are going?

you left your impression
in the trees
and faces of others (I know and have yet to know)

setting up
unavoidable loneliness,
(the way a landscape can only tell you
all the things you've been thinking)

you leave me
things when you're
l e a v i n g
but

even at the bottom of everything
I find you there
alone too

Precious star,

we will meet again,
we will, we will

the grass is growing on your bed
sunken earth, resting inside clenched fist

you are coming to me in shades of echos
lost inside years of
atomosphere
(we are skies away)

I've harbored your ****** skin underneath
this new stare you made me

warped light
sun rays in your collected chest
hold me, like I should have

console me while sitting in trees, im looking at just the bark
pressing palms to feel
you whisper
something only trees know

remind me to laugh when I can not sleep
worried worried awake about things that won't matter when we forget to breathe again

walk beside me and assuage me from the danger you didn't know about,
I will revel inside the lines

keep sparking like flames
tangled in my line of vision
knotted in air, woven suddenly
and then untie your self again

because I hope youre

waiting for me, I am waiting

to sink into you

to tell you,

I miss you.

staring outward like an empty house in the desert
the tail lights of your words have left me
the shadows of lonely porches

collected winters
too difficult to speak of
keep my heart in jars of sand

winter nights black like womb

starry and eyeless
fated and dying

to be wound
and wolf.

I've followed you
still eyes, years, captivated and lost,
all for you
glancing up to the glaicers in the sky
bloated, full and passing
asking
" Where are you going?"

rain is washing you away
I'm the runner
following you down inside the dirt
from which you grew
tempting in your branch hands
you wanted me

the slightest movement:
I'm yours
longing underneath my fingernails
heart stretched like a sail,
deep breaths push me forward
chasing you
inching
closer to you

but you started to tred the earth before I knew where it was you formed yourself
covered in ice
before you met your first early morning cigarette, dressed in baby blue sky
long before you reconsiled with absent nights and blood cells
or night walks envisioning a flame too hot to touch
and there I was,
past years, past knowingness of nights and days, staring at the face of the moon

you

one glance, one presence, one feeling
gravity
placing me ten thousand steps behind to love you

following your every direction
moving with winds that carried you all around
closing my eyes to dream your next step
hoping
it was torward me

but it wasn't

and here we are
another winter coming
and soon another passing
and all I've had to say all these cycles of seasons,

"I will love you"

and all you had was another footstep
another mark inside me
enclosing me

Ive been dreaming of your face somewhere
Ive been touching your silhouette on my sheets

I am distant
pressed against its silence
spelling the word,
sleep

thinking of
the light honey leaves
like the tide of your thoughts
marking your face the way it does

I fear the trees have been climbing
inside my window,
telling me things

7.17.14

I’ve come to meet you here, in some sacred place
to be here         alone    with                    you

beautiful waker:
luke deep eyes opening to the moonlight
awake
-
But not alone
because I sit with you beneath the thousand gazes of stars
I hold you close with my ears
this golden hour    ))))       between    ))))        trees,  
throwing your voice
with the crickets

waiting
for the space between us to throw it back
-
Individual, but never separate at the smallest level of things,
sharing together the energy of multicolored levels

-
and we remember, making our way through the dark:
-
this world is unforgiving
and we were wild and alive,

                                         in this place I have known you always
-
In this place, I keep for you
The secret of the leaves

We are not alone in our despondent footsteps toward a truer North
but, I will help pave a path for you and your losses

unfold the pages I had folded
kiss a bruise underneath my hand
relax with disappointed youth onto another
and tell me, that
you don’t enjoy being lost inside all that passes

it is here, this sacred place
we throw our burning hearts into the empty creekside
and we build better homes at the roots of trees

the sky is no longer surrounding us
the birds look to one another to retreat home
we both put things in our pocket without noticing the other
a low roar of emptiness from one point to another
in the distance it is clear that all you know is relevant
and I say, to myself, these things,
and you say to yourself, these things
no one else could know

and you would say; out loud
  
“I loved him”.
and I would kiss the silence that came after
because I still love too

fever in your honesty,
pulling teeth from the names you carry
woven in your clothes

I sit alone with you
spreading the silence that reaches from our toes
outward into the
dark

Salt in wind carried you here

The first snow of a new decade

And I did not take you with me