Adorably gagworthy
Because nothing is worse than
Cutesy talking over each other to
Depict your date of face battles
Extended past curfew and
Frightened of losing the other
Granted neither is going anywhere
Heaven made match through twists of fate
Integrating both into my
Justifiably insane life
Keeping me on my tip toes
Leaping forward to catch them both before they
Meet the hellhole of
Never ending fear that
Openly acts as a factor of the
Purity and
Quite
Raucous realness of their
Story book love tale
Tracing the pathways paved by
Unanimously loved romantic comedies
Verifying the necessity of this
Wacky wubulous
Xenial relationship that has been
Years in the making and will stand longer than
Zion

It is something that is absolutely
Breathtaking
You can't help but to love it
It's like
A first love
Or a baby's laughter
Or an old couple
Or an awe inspiring scene
It's so wonderful
So pure
And all you can think when you
Encounter it is
*I want something just like that

I had never been called beautiful
By a boy before
And yet he made my heart stop
Completely when he said it
He seemed so sure
As though it were fact
Not opinion

In stopping my heart he made
It start with a slightly different beat
I'm not saying he made realize
That I am far more than I credit myself
I've realized it before
But he made me believe in the word
I've worn it upon my throat for nearly seven
Months now, remembering that life is beautiful

I constantly remind him I'm broken and messy
Not the kind of girl you would
Take home to mama and put a ring on
Her left hand
I'm an *******
But then he called me beautiful and I
Realized that I am
Because life is beautiful
And I am life

You can't walk on me
Ever again in this world
And you stand there dumbfounded
Wondering what the hell it is I'm doing
You can't infer by my ****
All packed up on the sidewalk
And the tears staining my already ***** face
Because you don't care
I could have really loved you
But you never cared
Until you realized
Just now that
I am done being hurt
By you

Would you believe me
If I lied to protect you?
Could you trust me
If I hurt you to save you?
Would you believe me
If my words sounded
More acceptable than my actions?
Could you trust me
If I broke my promise to better myself?

Do you love me
Despite my fragmented soul?
Do you want me
In spite of my past?
Do you love me
Through all of my obsessions?
Do you want me
Even with my trepidation?

I would believe you
If you lied and said you love me
I could trust you
Even if you hurt me
I love you
Flaws included
I want you
In your beautiful brokenness

I can be miserably happy,
Messily organized,
And frantically calm
Just so you'll think I'm better than I am

Perhaps many of us don't realize
  That life
Harbors secrets and lessons around every corner
  But also harbors many disappointments
Each lie spewed like venom is poison to the tongue
  But each accomplishment is sweet upon the lips
Many moments are wasted and taken for granted
  But that's not true for some
Eventually the human race will understand
  That life is just about
Fairy tales and make believe or misery and agony
  It's a bittersweet mixture of both
With dashes of hope and pinches of despair
  It's a perfect recipe
For honesty and for dares

A swingset out in the backyard reminds me
Of years from long ago
It's been over a decade since I've walked those paths
Today I decided to go back on the paths
And I sat in the overgrowth
And allowed myself some tears
I want to go back to the days from long ago
Full of braids and tooth gaps
Free of cares and stress
Back to when my parents were together
Back to when the scariest thing
Was tripping on the sidewalk
Or maybe the clowns
I miss holding hands with both my parents
I miss dancing about freely
Where did the days
Of hope and make believe disappear to
Where is my tooth gap
Where are my braids

Fleeting
Perfect
Monumental
Summertime
Unending
Ferris wheel
Burning lights
Reckless
Midnight
Shimmering
Pop punk
Desirous
Enviable
Fireworks forever

Imagery swirls around my mind
Of beautiful stormy skyscapes
Hiding out under covers from the torrent
The glow of young love burning in your
Oceans of graces
Laughter sings in the air thick
With hope and where-have-you-been-all-my-life
Everything in my heart screams
How perfect it all
Would
Be

So you got knocked down
A few scrapes here and there
A few cuts in covert wheres
Thrown against a wall
With head bashing into drawers
Crying silent angry ears
That stain with salt
Your hollowed cheeks
Your starved body tries to eat air
And wretches up burning bile
But it will be okay
The wounds on your heart are fresh
Those self inflicted even more so
But eventually all wounds close
The bruise over
And heal
You might not be able
To get along like you used to
But it's okay
Because you aren't who you used to be
Any longer
Now you're soon to be
Bruised and healing and
Stronger

You're addicted
You're addicted
To this never ending rage
You don't get it
You don't get it
I'm not a ******* game
But you can't help it
You can't help it
When I roll 'round in your brain
You're just a puppet
You're a puppet
To my nicotine ways

So do as I say
And I won't let you down

Burn me at midnight
Let my poison fill your lungs
I'm only here to **** you
And oh **** is it fun
Douse me at daybreak
You ignorant fool
Didn't your mama ever tell you
Not to go smoking with the moon
You shouldn't have lit me up
In the first place
Because now I control your brain

You keep trying
You keep trying
But you keep getting nowhere
You're still hiding
You're still hiding
Your midnight smoke wears
You think lying
You think lying
Will change what you've become
You're still dying
You're still dying
Look what I've done

So don't do as I say
And go for your dreams

Burn me at midnight
Breathe in my drug
Inhale my death sentence
Like you're on the chopping block
Douse me at daybreak
You're **** out of luck
Didn't your mama ever tell you
Not to go smoking with the moon
You shouldn't have bought me
To start with
Now you're no longer here

I glow fire red
My *** sticks out of your mouth
You breathe in my lies
And exhale yourself
You must not have realized
That what you bought
Wasn't just me
But a ticket to toothless
Breathless
Cancerous
Lies
And a direct flight to hell

So

Burn me at midnight
And stomp out your life
The jury finds you guilty
You gave me the keys
Douse me at daybreak
Stomp on my friends
Throw out the lies you've been livin in
Didn't your mama ever tell you
Not to go smoking with the moon
Apparently not , but you'll see the mistake soon
Burn me at midnight
Douse me at daybreak
You shouldn't have bought me
In the ******* first place

Don't burn me at midnight
Douse me at daybreak

I am a minor miner girl
Living in a go and get 'em world
We come in by the dozens
And I think you all know how this story goes
I try to please everyone around me
Forgetting what's important
And as we all know that isn't the best
I should use my mind more often
To guard my sooty heart
All you other minor miner girls know what I'm saying
But I love and I love and I love
Never stopping to think of the consequences
Sure to follow
I just dive in heart first hoping to not hit the ground
And minor miner girls you know it's true
We try so **** hard
And we always fall
Straight on through to the hellish pain that awaits
I'm sorry if I upset you
My dear fellow minor miner girls
But we need to grow up
And we need to exhibit some sort of conceit
Not to the point of egotism and bigotry
Just to the point of safety
To the point where we aren't always stepped on
And can roll in the Major Miner Girls league
I love you all
Because that's who I am
But as by unspoken and now finally written law
We minor miner girls abide by
I'm still learning to love myself
So minor miner girls
Raise your pickaxes and your shovels
Toss off your hardhats
Because we are about to rumble with
The world outside our mine
We will be
Major Miner Girls

Body splashing
Heart pounding
Throat gurgling
Mind sputtering
.
.
.
*But it will be okay, eventually

I know it's your favorite scent
Sometimes, especially lately, it's hard not to think about you
I want to reach out but I don't know how
And I'm scared you'll just push me away because I've chosen him
But people really do change as they grow up
I want to tell you all about my days all the time
Like two days ago when my brakes stopped working
As I was going downhill in the harbor
Oh I was so scared and I wanted to tell you
Or when I had my magical day at Rainier
But I know you'd be disappointed
I want to tell you the small things to
Like how I burnt the bacon and undercooked my pasta tonight
Or how I can't decide if I love pink or orange more
Or even how much I love that new CD
And crave hot cocoa all the time
I just miss your company but can't figure out how to tell you
And I wish I could be your dryer lint and cigarette ash again

So many cold eyes stare into empty spaces
The waiting room feels crowded with the five of us in this too big space
I hear my name called and am handed a jar
Off to the bathroom I am escorted
The nerves are escalating as I urinate
Into the cold metal door goes my name among others
I can't breathe
He holds my hand and gets me water, saying everything will be fine
But I was turned away last week
They had told me my appointment never finalized in scheduling
I know with certainty this is really happening though
The receptionist with the sad mouth calls me to her window
Is there a different insurance I can try? Do I have the money?
At least the insurance that was supposed to be cancelled is still active
I don't want this money burning my wallet and freezing my heart
He isn't allowed to come back with me
Are you sure, they ask me far too many times
I just want this to be over with
I want to cry
Are you being forced by anyone
Only myself and my promises
I'm scared
I'm sad
They finally let him come back to me
And lay me upon the cold papered examination bed
They force my legs apart and insert their probe
Do you want to see?
Of course I don't but how can I not
In black and white before me is my last eight weeks
Sweaty apple juice is placed in my weak hands
I look so brave in this sterile place
Am I being judged by these people
I'm just too young right now
We have no money
Take these twenty-four hours apart
More prescriptions and pills are passed along to me
I'm barely eighteen and graduated

Days later it feels like there is cotton in my mouth
The medication expands like gauze
I can't feel my tongue or the air around me
It's not too bad after it's dissolved though
Then an hour passes and I can feel the life being taken from me
My whole body convulses
I can't stop the tears
He can't stop the pain
Especially not the emotional kind
He couldn't possibly understand
I've known longer than him
Built a bond that is only meant to be broken
He kisses my stomach like I can't
There's so much blood
I suppose it's time to take all the pain and nausea medications
What makes it worse is that I know I'll be sad for some time
But we agreed to never tell anyone about this happening
We're ashamed we chose this route
But there would have been no chance at survival regardless

Months later I'm still crying
I mourn the intentional loss of my would-have-been love
Though the decision was necessary I can't help but wonder
And I see all these announcements on media
I put on my happy face for them
But I feel robbed
Embarrassed
Sad
The painkiller bottles still aren't empty and serve only as a reminder
Of the two lines we threw away
So that the soul could have a better chance

On the first day of the last week
A girl wrapped in gold did appear
She whispered to the people of the land
Who knew their ending was near
She softly uttered these words:
"This can all be avoided still
The destruction, the chaos
The end all be all"
     The people shouted and cursed
Throwing rocks and casting stones
They all wanted to just return home
Each worldly word fell on deaf ears
For the rocks and stones clouted
The girl of gold with fear
     On the second day of the final week
A boy clothed in silver did appear
He spoke to the people of the land
For he knew of the crimes they committed the day before
"You can repair the damages done
But only within one last day
You still somehow have hope"
     The mayor of these people
Stepped forth and pleaded with
His kin, his brethren
But his words fell on deaf ears
For he and the boy of silver
Were slaughtered by once innocent people
     On the third day of the final week
A screaming light tried to save them
But the darkness of the hearts of the land
Swallowed the light without thought
     Days later
On the final day of the final week
The world was visited by the four who died
Each voice was powerful
Each voice was echoing
The people had been warned
But now their choices came back for hauntings
Each rush of negativity ever uttered
On the now barren earth
Fueled the four deities who had tried to help
And their great power
Engulfed the world in flames

     On the first day of the first week after the final week
The grass was replenished
The sky was once again clear
The poison that rushed through the veins of those people
Finally eradicated
A new race emerged slowly
To repopulate the world
But they had not yet been created
So all that rested on the
First day of the first week after the final day of the final week
On a perfect green hill
Under a perfect blue sky
Grew a single flower
Seven petals
One for each day of the week

C is for compassionate
O is for open-minded
L is for loving
E is for empathetic

T is for trustworthy
H is for honest
O is for open-hearted
M is for magnificent
A is for amazing
S is for serenity

Cole Thomas is a great man
Who refuses to accept the title
Of perfect
But that is exactly what I
Believe he is
Cole Thomas owns the key
To my battered heart
And I believe
He is making it whole

Will forever have my heart

I can no longer distinguish
The blurred line between
Realism and pessimism
Because I've grown to be an
Idealistic pessimist with twinges of
Realistic thought

Even in the space of silence
We say so much
And pick right back up
Like no time has passed

Your silence screams everything I didn't say, but should have

I'll be the Harley Quinn
To your Joker gender bend

My heart longs for the fantasy I once believed in

I am the kind of girl who has never once forgotten
The name of everyone she's ever had a crush on
I am the kind of girl who has never stopped loving
Or feeling guilty and ashamed

It's almost 3 am
I'm not the least bit tired
I was a sloppy ball of depression
When 10 pm rolled in
We've been corresponding since
It's weird
And before you think anything otherwise
Strictly platonic
But **** if I don't feel better
From five hourrs of talk

Said the Ceiling Fan to the Dark Room,
"Where is it you go
When the world awakens?"

"I search for myself
In oblivion,"
Whispered the Dark Room

The Ceiling Fan thought this peculiar
"Dark Room," began Ceiling Fan
"What is oblivion?"

The Dark Room giggled,
Forgetting Ceiling Fan's youth
"Oblivion, sweet child, is
Unknown and terrifyingly
Brilliant"

Mimicking Rabbits and Skin Horses
Ceiling Fan questions
The possible pain

Dark Room replies softly
"Only sometimes"

Why is it that at the end of the story
You are considered amazing
When you have done nothing for yourself?
I say you're full of it
Dear Distressed Damsel,
If you're distressed
Why don't you de-stress yourself
Save yourself from the tower
Or whatever problem
It may be that you've gotten into that day
Because all you are is a façade
Playing the victim card
Dear Distressed Damsel,
Get the hell over it

Don't you think it's just a bit funny that
Maybe you could have liked me had she not
Waltzed about with her perky ***** and flawless
Life hiding under ten pounds of ***** rouge because
For a while that's what I called her not because I truly
Believed that was what she is but only out of the thoughts that
If not for her I'd still have a chance don't you think it's the least
Bit hilarious that as soon as your relationship began our
Friendship seemed to have disappeared and now
I'm stuck here regrettably in love with you and
Leaving class the second you walk in  if only
Because I begin to panic with anxiety and heartbreak my
Heart is broken because of you and I spend hours
Awake crying when I really should be sleeping but
I suppose this is the way of the world but you should know
That if this is you exhibiting your godliness then
I don't want to know your god because he seems
Cruel and partial and mean to those
Who were not born into his beliefs and if I was
Created in his image then **** I want to
Die because you're not the nice man I thought
You were but merely a teenage boy

In.                                                   A
Land.                                              Of
Peculiarities.                       Perhaps
I might be able to usurp the king of
All negativity and wear his poison
Crown upon my head of sadness
Which conjures up scenarios no one
Should face alone but I allow myself
To do so anyway, but can you truly
Ever usurp yourself, ruler of the throne?

Tonight I am making dinner for two
It'll last the whole week
I can never just cook a proper portion size
It's like I'm accustomed to cooking for six and can't adapt to change
But I love it so much
It might be awful
It might be great
Either way my fiance will smile and tell me I did a great job
Because he honestly believes it
He is so considerate and careful with my emotions
He reminds to take my medicines
9 am
5 pm
8 pm
And sometimes in between depending
He looks at me like I am home
I am safe
I am wild
I am beautiful
And I laugh because he makes me believe it
He has been there for me for years now
Not always directly and I've tried to hate him
But we were in a different place all that time ago
And with age, like wine, we became better
We matured and calmed
And are on the same page now
Engaged and happy and in love
So tonight we'll sit at the table and the TV will be on
Probably football or action films because we let his parents control the remotes for now
I'll light a few candles
And he'll set our places
I'll place the pasta between us and fall a little more in love
Over dinner for two with smiles resting on both our faces

Sometimes you can't get rid
Of that lingering stench
***** laundry leaves behind
You scrub everything religiously
And Fabreeze every nook and cranny
You rewash the clothes a few times
Just to be sure
But sometimes what it takes to rid yourself
Of ***** laundry
Is throwing it away
And splurging on something new

Does the memory of me
Leave a new hot brand
Every time you hear those songs
Does the wind smell like my
Perfume mixed with smarties
Do you get an ulcer
Thinking about how I'm doing
And who I might be with
Does bile burn your throat
Whenever you drive by
Those places we loved
Does your heart break
Whenever you read that
December letter I wrote
Does your soul beg
Each time you see an angry "kid"
Ready to destroy the world
Does your mind spin
When you remember the facade
And the penny game
Tell me, *****,
Does it hurt yet

It's my turn to be demanding
You break up with me then say
"Remember the promise you made me"
I made you so many but you mean the one
About self harm
"That's not fair!"
So you told me you want me safe
But now it is my turn

Don't you dare tell me you don't love me
Don't you dare break my heart again
Don't you dare say you care but tell me you're leaving anyways
Don't you dare treat me like a child
Don't you dare make decisions for me
Don't you dare change who you are
Don't you dare lose sight of yourself
Don't you dare give up

I love you
I miss you
I'm sorry

There's no hope for me to change
Because who the hell are you
To decide who the hell I am
And how my story goes
When you don't even know my name
If you want to tell
I'm a sarcastic *****
That will someday be a body
In a sewer or a trench
Be my guest
And feed the fire that drives me
To kick your *** not kiss it
I've done too much of that
I'm a new person
Not just some thought you can blow off
If you want in my life
You want in wholeheartedly
Not half-assedly
Because I will leave you
In the ******* dust

Do you have a problem with
The way I
Dress
Talk
And walk
'Cause if you do
***** I'll knock your *** to the floor
I might be ****** up
As all holy hell
But **** hunny
I got way more culture than you'll ever know
I don't give two *****
That you've been across Europe
And seen all Seven Wonders
Because at the end of the day
I still got more love
I couldn't give a flying rat's ***
About your big hair
And prettied up nails
'Cause *****, I'll still ******* up
You wanna mess with me
Go right ahead
I'll tear off your throat
If you talk **** 'bout my people
And I ain't judgin' you for
The way for the funny way you
Talk
Dress
Or walk
I ain't even judgin' you for your upbringing
I, too, can talk in a highly sophisticated manner
With my nose upturned
My hair permed
My nails done weekly
In high heels
From behind the gated community we
Both lovingly call home
I can even join you and your gaggle
Of acquaintances
For a night at the country club
So of course I don't judge you for any of that
*****, hunny, I judge you
'Cause o' the way you treat
Me and my family,
Which yes includes friends,
Like we's all some sorta **** you stepped in
Do you have an issue with being real?
'Cause **** you wear
Eau de faux
Like I might be your last breathing sight

I'm going to start
Tossing your bags into the streets
Each time your memory burns
I'm going light up
And toss one back
Every time I think your name
I'm ready to put a boot
In your ***
My dear friend, Toby,
The one that you hate,
Told me it's the American way
So are you leaving yet?
Because if not
I'll file for restraint
Leave me alone
Otherwise, like Earl,
You'll have to die
Seeing as how emotional abuse
Ain't no way to treat a lady
You claim to love

I think it's finally time to file the papers
My love is infinite but it's turned platonic

Zip code 99123
Worst school systems
Boomerang effect
I know it truly is awful
It is the land of hopelessness
It sure as hell isn't
The Promised Land
But blue skies
Grey clouds
Hot summers
Frozen winters
Secrets
Community
Love
Lies
Jealousy
Complete bliss
Tied in with a blanket of anguish
Settled like dust
Those who live here
Those who leave here
Those who always return here
Remember
Forget
Either way you can't change
The history of our hearts
It can be hellish
It can be worthless
And true, there is absolutely nothing going for anyone here
But it will always be my hometown
Electric City
Zip code 99123
Just above the ****** dam
Because my home
Is where my memories
Of lessons learned lies

I knew her better than any of you
And maybe her less
I know not when she died
Or how she went
But it seems she just faded away
Slowly and peacefully
Perhaps she isn't fully dead
And she'll make special cameos
But are the dead ever really gone?
She was someone I thought I could call friend
She wasn't
She was mean and cold
She couldn't stand herself
She was hateful and hot headed
And was incapable of love
Because she had little--
If any--
Self-respect
Her heart was broken long before
I thought to save her
She always went for the abusive ones
No matter where she went
Because she thought that was love
She was sarcastic and blunt
To the point of defensive
Because she was scared
Even I could hardly love her
But I did
I say she wasn't a friend
But that's a half-lie
She was definitely the
Back-stabbing kind
She was the girl you didn't want
To be with
And my image is stained
Because of that
I was closer to her than anyone of you
Yet I was also the furthest away
She somehow managed to receive genuine love
But now she is a ghost
Cleaning out the hole in her throat
In my bathroom sink
She can linger for a while
I don't mind
Eventually I'll tell her to disappear
To pack her bags and leave
So,
Miss Samantha Marie Moore
From the kingdom of
Self-Loathe and Negativity,
Rest in Peace
Because you've ******* me over enough
And I am done
Bathing in your aura