if i was tinier, i could float away, heavier, i could stand my ground. but until then, i'll just have to stick with being in a limbo between stuck in a ditch and too far gone.

you. you should be nothing to me but the paint chipping off the wall, the broken blind hanging on just barely, the glow in the dark sticker just peeling off the ceiling. but you're not. you are 'i love you' written in the notebook of mine that i keep on the shelf. you're gone too soon in the trail of my mind, you're i love you, i miss you, and 'what the heck is wrong with me?' what's wrong with me?



i grew up in the peach state
back in a small town
where nobody knew your name
unless you were someone
and i wasn't anyone
not anyone important anyway

ooh, take me back to the summer babe
ooh, 'cause everybody knew my name
when i was with you.
take me back, take me back to june

i grew up in a small house,
back in a small town,
where georgia was on your mind
unless you wanted to leave
half of us wanted to leave
leave old georgia behind

ooh, take me back to the summer babe
ooh, 'cause everybody knew my name
when i was with you.
take me back, take me back to june



the floor has started to puddle with my teenage angst that's dripping down the wall and it sticks to my con-clad feet and later to my fingers, and i think this mess is what i got myself into, but i can always get myself out.

god blue. why do you have to be so stupid?

he's with this girl now, she got eyes so blue
it sort of makes me sick
he's with this girl now, her name is savannah
she's in his life where i used to fit

and i know it's been too long
since my hands don't remember his face anymore
and i know i've got to carry on
but i don't know where to hide away
and i know it's been too long

i've got these thoughts now, lying in bed alone,
i'm cold and shaking bones.
i'm kind of lonely without holding my own,
i'm sad but i don't know.

and i know it's been too long
since my hands don't remember his face anymore
and i know i've got to carry on
but i don't know where to hide away

i.
i wake in the dark.
i check the clock on my wall too see what time it is,
and it’s only three in the morning.
i’m reminded of that song
by matchbox 20.
it’s three am, i must be lonely.


ii.
i’m used to being left.
this shouldn’t happen
you said.
people like me never know what we need.
this shouldn’t happen.


iii.
i feel as if i am suspended in time.
while people keep moving on.
i’ll cut off my tongue
so the words i say
*can never hurt you.

I don't remember when I first started to fall in love with you. It might've started the first time we spoke but it's December now and I'm trying to forget.


You don't want to remember, but it's hard, you know. It's like all of the things we prayed for never came, and I try not to blame any one thing– I don't believe in that.


It's always a chain of things that causes an ending like ours.


Sometimes I close my eyes, shut them tight and pretend that things are the way they were in June, in September.


Cold weather drives me towards insanity. I'm closer to tears than before. The loss of warmth reminds me of everything else I lost. And since it's December now, I'm trying to forget. I'm trying!


I’m holding still, unsure if the snow that falls is a miracle or a warning sign. Either way I think it's as pretty as you were to me back then.


I'm still afraid of telling anyone you are the reason why I can't breathe. I can't sleep either because when I do I'm left to dream of the words you said to me when all was well.


All is no longer well.


I am forced to live a life forgery. Happy, happy, I am- not freaking happy with the way this mess of ours turned out. I'm still juggling the spheres of pain that collected like, I don't know, like the snow did? Like the snow did on my front lawn, it collects and everything seems so white and bright and I'm left blind in the empty spaces with no warmth. no love.


Will you show me how broken hearts beat when the world feels barren?


My thoughts are spilling.


My words aren't working, but I just wanted to love you.


Skinny love, maybe this won't be what I had wanted but I'll pretend to forget I ever loved you until the day I die. I mean, it's December now and I'm trying to forget.


Look. Look here, I'm just someone who wanted to love you. But it’s December now and I’m trying to forget.


Because, what else is their to do when the world is this cold?


Certainly not remember…

you have eyes full of intergalactic spasms and
a smile quiet like falling snow.

but right now, silent whispers fill your gaze,
and we're meant to be slaves
to the quiet.

i hope everything works out
for you, because i hate this too.

this hurt in your eyes it's-
this pain on your face just-
i love you too freaking much
to want this for you.

so i touch your hand,
and hug you a second too long,
although neither of us want to cry today.

just know babe, i'm always here for you.

you can find home in me,
when the one you're living in
feels like hell.

you can find home in me,
if not anywhere else.