i do not love you
i do not analyze every touch
i do not stare at your lips in movement,
i especially do not dream about the
day when you will love me back
i do not love you
i like him
he winks at me every time i walk through the
door and he plays basketball and you never liked
sports and i don't either but it's okay because
i do not love you
i like him
he bites his lip when he studies and his dark eyes are
the exact opposite of yours and maybe that's why i love them
because he is the exact opposite of you
i do not love him
i love you
but i cannot say that because you are a thousand miles away
from me and he is right here and i know that this
is wrong and i should stop and that i'm leading him on
and i need to get over you first but i can't bring myself
to do so

i love you
i wish i didn't

(h.l.)

...jesus answer the phone
....just answer
I know you are lying there naked flipping the record to side b
I know you sense this swallowing of pride
dialing this number again
Written down in my head
We are not friends
Why don't I  cut myself open
Bleed on the outside for a change

Restrained
Unrestrained
Grazing fingers in the dark
I burn up skin seared
Arcing through your atmosphere

, your skin tasted like negative ions
And you scorched the back of my throat
Even the pain felt right
Can I put my hand in your flame again
Ive come back just to hear your voice
On the phone

"*******"

What we had was good


I'll find one that's *better

The feeling of the blade running across your skin.
The blood dripping down your legs, and arms.
The numb feeling going all over your body.
Is that what you wanted in the first place.
Not to feel your pain.
Also not having those horrible thoughts in your mind.
After awhile those thoughts will come back with bigger urges...

To the point,
Where I really hate myself,
And don't even want to look in the mirror,
To the point where I don't give a **** anymore,
To the point where I know I'm worthless.
To the point you can't change my ways in looking at myself.
To the point where I want to tell you, I'll be dying soon.
To the point where I can't wait to get to my grave.

Another drink;
spit in the sink shows
red against porcelain,
fleeting concern.

Another drink;
what is there ever
to worry about?
I could make an
argument for nothing
and everything both
alongside one another.

Another drink;
taste the iron alongside
the bitter burn of alcohol,
the body goes more often
than not before the mind does.
It is unfortunate to have it
the other way around.

Another drink;
spit red again,

I am fighting myself
to keep the pace.