When They asked me
Who hurt me
I almost said your name
I almost cursed at the top of my lungs
The day we ever met
I almost broke every plate
In the kitchen
I almost cried another ocean
To drown out your memory
But I didn't...

I simply said myself

Because who lets someone stay
After setting fire to the bedroom
After leaving the ***** laundry
All of all their past lovers
on the bathroom floor
After leaving bloodstains on the carpet
Because who lets someone break them
over and over again

How can I blame him
When I could have walked away
at any time

When he says I love you
It tumbles clumsily off his tongue
As if it was an accident
As if he were not expecting it
When she hears it.
The butterflies turn to fireflies
Cause a flame inside her stomach
Cause her to glow from the inside out
When it is over he leaves
Apologizes for the way it all crashed around them
She never asked for his “sorry”
But accepts it anyway
She folds his apology like a love note
And slips it into her back pocket
Places it there for safekeeping
In case he ever needs it again
He ***** on worries and hesitations
She could always taste in on his lips
Despite the fact that he would never kiss her
But she never minded
Her own lips were coated in nicotine
Left her addicted to everyone they touched
She had already made a home out of his smile
Made a safe place out of his arms
She didn’t mind careful
But she did detest cowardice
There is no place for fear in love
Love was not for the faint-hearted
It was made for the bold
For those daring enough to bare their souls
Despite the evident risk
And she had made a friend of him
Love, that is
She knew his ins and outs
Learned first hand the way it caused
An insatiable fire to those prepared
And the way he brought aching pains
To the ones who were not
Experienced the way he destroyed
From the inside out
If he was not the center
He does not like to share space
Lust is his least favorite roommate
Lust is always dressing up as Love
Always borrowing things from Love
And returning them broken
Lust is an attention hog
Always finds a way to make himself the center
Lust is stubborn
It takes months to kick him out
And each time he tries to come back
But Love is always patient with him
Hopes that he will change
Sticks around to see if he does
But Love sets no expectations
Simply waits, even when it takes forever
Sometimes I think Love waits
Far longer than it should have
But love has never seen it that way
Love’s favorite game is hide and seek
His favorite place to hide is behind words
Words like “drive safe”
“I’m proud of you”
“How was your day?”
…“How did you sleep?”…
Love may love the bold
But Love himself is cryptic
Showing up in actions
Unseen by untrained eyes
That is how they became friends
Love and her
It was their nature
Hiding behind words and actions
Being bold didn’t mean never being scared
It meant doing what scared her
It meant loving with every drop of her
Even if those around her couldn’t see
Even if the ones she loved the most
Did not hear her words cutting through silence
She would not stop pouring into hands
That were never taught how to hold
Because even if they never learned
That does not mean they never could
She would never stop wearing love like a badge of honor
Even when others told her it was weakness
She didn’t know how
She never wished to learn either
Maybe that is why careful never bothered her
Because she knew not all could do it
That not everyone had that capacity to feel
To feel everything so deeply and still crave more
Not everyone could throw themselves out to sea
Believing they will not drown
It was a talent of hers – unrelenting optimism
Watching the world crash around her
Never missing a beat
And running back in to rebuild
With hopes of a better outcome
Always believing that tomorrow will be better
That this time it might be different
..
He came back; he always does.
He looks at her with storm cloud eyes
The ones that always leave her stunned
The same ones that also scare her
Holds her close the way he used to
“I’m sorry” is all he says
She pulls the note from her back pocket
Slides it between his fingers
And asks
“How did you sleep?”