And that’s the thing. In order to avoid such unbelievable heart ache, you will never get to feel the highs of love. The insane flutter of a thousand butterflies in your stomach when he says that he likes the way you sing in the car. The tingles from your fingertips to your toes when he comes up behind you and wraps his arms around you swaying. Let and right, and you can feel your heart go with him. Left and right. In these moments, nothing is scary, nothing aches and breaks. You could live in that euphoria forever. But that is not reality. And unfortunately, reality doesn’t foreshadow. There are no preview clips for next week’s episode. So what do you do?
Some gamble. Some take the risks because the fall is worth the flight. “Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all,” right? To some, that’s exactly right. Maybe the more sentimental ones. Because in each moment, in each flutter and tingle and spark, these memories build into something. And when this all comes crashing down, they have that still shining in the ashes. You can’t burn memories. You can’t light a match to the good times, they happened, and in their own right- they are beautiful, they are worth it. And so to some, and arguably many, it’s worth the gamble.
Others don’t have much of an interest in betting. Maybe they’ve been down that road before, and lost a lot of money in the process. Or maybe it’s just a habit that they have no interest in dabbling in. I’ve been to a casino before, but never sat at the table. However, I can attest to the energy, an addiction in and of itself. I arguably have more fun watching than participating. And this is a safe place to be. To feel the secondhand highs, but when the night is over, you walk away without a scratch.
And in love, maybe this is the safest place to be. At an arm’s length, never close enough to fall, because you barely got off the ground. Lust, interest, companion, friend, mutually beneficial- all of these are safe. None of these can hurt you in the end. None of these make you vulnerable. And if you exist with someone on the surface, the end doesn’t even feel like an end at all, just a transition to the next.
But as long as you tread lightly, you can kiss the butterflies goodbye. As long as you stay away from the deep end, you will never feel a fraction of what the human heart is made to feel. Love truly is a beautiful thing, that can make you feel explosions and extreme happiness like nothing you’ve ever known in this life. With that, comes extreme vulnerability. To cut open your chest and say to someone,”Here have this. I know it’s not much right now, but if you give me yours- it’ll become a lot more than an ***** that keeps the blood pumping.”
Like I said, I’ve been to a casino before. And when it comes to you, I think I’ll take a seat.