Buried in the quagmire of questions

the lonely traveler gasps.

Faith suffocates, belief stifles

and he seeks answers no more.

He regrets he walked into a one way trapdoor.

Fruit pizza
I’m eight years old
Running around the house with a cape tied around my neck
Ingredients:
Sugar cookie dough
Strawberry cream cheese frosting
Sliced fruit of choice
My teddy bear’s name is Kate, after baby Kate from Arthur
We had to stop watching that show because my sister started acting like D.W
I told Kate everything because she was the best at keeping secrets
I didn’t realise she couldn’t talk back to me
Preheat oven to 350
Eat cookie dough because no matter what mom says, it’s not really going to **** you
Spread cookie dough evenly on a pizza pan
As the youngest of seven loud siblings of various ages, I had to learn at a young age how to be heard
I can yell with the best of them, but you would never know given my quiet tendencies today
I still haven’t completely grown up yet
In my mind, I’m still that little girl who read picture books and made up games like hurricane and the tripping machine
Let cookie cool
Wash fruit and slice it neatly
In my mind, I am still the little girl who did things because she wanted to and therefore got put in time out a lot
Spread strawberry cream cheese frosting on cookie
In my mind, I am still protected by the shelter of my parents
In my mind, Kate can still talk
Place fruit in a circular pattern on the frosted cookie
Cut into even pieces
I’m eight years old
Fruit pizza.

imagine running
but not just running
you're running like something evil is chasing after you
you can hear your heart pounding in your ear
you're running so hard you can't breathe

i've heard that's how it feels to **** yourself
that that's what it feels like to die

adrenaline flowing through your body
faster than light, faster than you're thinking
you feel it numbing your insides into oblivion.

sometimes I still get that feeling

i've heard you feel it pumping in your veins
viciously, like you're about to explode
i acknowledge that i'm screaming
only through my rib cage
you feel it rattling your every bone

i didn't know it would feel that way

like playing an old Nirvana song too loud
and about the person who said
they'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all -
whoever he or she or it is
they obviously didn't know the true bliss

the ecstasy of absolute nothingness.
the calming of feeling, no feeling at all
i've heard that's how it feels
well most of the time anyway
other than that, you are dead...

There were galaxies in your eyes and skeletal constellations connecting your blazing white bones the comets from your eyes continued to fall you couldn't see what I could because of the exploded nebulas that created too dense of breathtaking  stardust so you thought you were just a terrifying black hole you made yourself bleed stars you said to not get close because you ****** up light and happiness when really it was you creating it