was she never enough

that you chose to place
all ounce of your love
unto the shields of
anonymity

was she never enough

that you chose to watch her
break into fragments
while you solely watched
from
afar

was she never enough

that you dared not to take
the fall -
that you dared not
to swim in her pool of
despair; her ocean
of a being

was she never enough

or was she

enough

*not.

Don't cheat me
Don't beat me
Don't yell
I'm not another
Don't let me fall
I've already tripped
Don't push me to the wall
I'm not one to hit
To be angry at me
Don't play games
You are the liar
I am the same
Don't slap me
I won't slap back
Why are you
Still like that?

For the first time in months
I cried without a particular reason
The feeling of distraught just hit me
And left me a sobbing mess

The only comfort I had
Was the internet
And the people within
They told me it'll be alright

And as my tears reach my pillow
I told myself in a sure tone
" I won't be alright "
because I was already broken

With my other pieces
Voluntarily falling apart

When did
our conversations
turn into
something we're both
forced to have?

When did
knowing about you--
your smile,
your life,
your soul--
become a chore?

They quarel, we got pillow fights
the ****, we make love all night
they think we are crazy
when we tell them "kuwachana hatuwezi"

They belive in one night stands
steamy hot *** with no strands
we cherish our every night cuddle
reassuring those smiles and giggles

Kisses with eyes open
ours is like a trip to heaven
with yu arms around my neck
crazy we go even with a peck

When I was just a little girl
I knew something about me wasn't right
I spent most of my days angry
and I couldn't sleep at night
I found myself looking in the mirror at the age of nine
thinking to myself that I was fat
I thought that way until the age of thirteen
and that's when things got really bad
I spent most of my days sitting in my walk-in closet
writing poems as Green day blasted in my ears
I'd sit in the shower and cut myself
and let my blood collide with my tears
Not letting myself eat gave me some control
on what I was feeling all of the time
Even though I was always hurting
I would smile and tell everyone that I was fine
I poured my heart into my writing
everything made sense on paper
I felt relieved in some ways
when others treated me like a social loser
I was alone in this world of confusion I couldn't understand myself
All I could do was cry
because I was different from everybody else
The scars on me do not scare me
they remind me that I am not crazy
They remind me that I am human
with a past that is really messy
I still don't know what is wrong with me
if I could fix myself I would
Whatever I have will always be a part of
causing me to always be misunderstood.