You changed. Slowly.
So slowly maybe, I'm not sure you even saw the difference.
But I did.
And I couldn't speak to hurt you- but I couldn't keep it in.
My soul battled itself.
And there is no victory for one who fights themselves,
*For when one part dies, so does the other.

I wish I had you back
So I could text you
When I feel like
Leaving this world

Because you were the only one
Who could text me
And say to go to bed
Before I did anything
I might regret
And I would,
Just for you

But now
I'm stuck here
Alone
Because you found
Someone else

And I try,
Oh I try,
To hate you
For doing that to me
For just leaving me
Like I was
Nothing

And when my thoughts
Haunt all my dreams
And nightmares
That now become
Reality

You're not there

And maybe,
You never were

-e.w.

I'm sorry,
I'm so sorry
That I can't write
Happy poems

Because I try to write them
To maybe
Cheer me up

But nothing comes out,
But ****** mistakes
And broken pieces


I'm sorry,
I'm so sorry
That I'm just not
Happy

Because I try to
Look on the bright side
And think about
The future

But I can't
When everything is
Falling apart
And I'm left here
Alone


But I promise that
I wish I could be happy
But I just
Can't

And trust me,
I've tried

-e.w.

I was 6
when my best friend  
left me sitting on the trampoline
as he ran to play with someone else
and I cried and
I was shattered

I was 10
when my parents told me
their marriage had run it's course
but things would
"stay the same"
but I quietly cried and
I was shattered

I was 13
when I first left a scar
on my own body,
hating who I had become
and as the blood dripped
I didn't cry but
I was shattered

I was 14
when my own mother
acted like our relationship had run it's course
and she kicked me out
and she never said sorry
and I tried not to cry but
I was shattered

I was 15
when I realized I was a different
because I liked the girl in my math class
who looked like she could make flowers grow
with her smile
and people told me it wasn't right
and "why me?" ran through my head
and I was scared
and I cried quietly and
I was shattered

Now I'm 16
and I've never had my first kiss
and all my friends run around kissing boys
like we're all gonna die tomorrow
and date guys for fun
just for something to do
and I wonder what's wrong with me
and I cry and
I'm shattered

I'm 16
and school doesn't come easy
like it used to
I was honor roll
and I skipped a grade
and I was a "star student"
because I knew how to make essays flow
and solve that simple math equation
or know the president's order
but my brain's fried
and all the motivation I had has disappeared without a trace
and my dad yells at me for my falling grades
and I don't cry but
I'm shattered

I'm 16
and I smile to avoid the constant
"are you okay?" and "what's wrong?"
because my head is such a mess
I don't even know what's wrong
as I dig a little deeper
and watch my skin drip red
and wonder where I went wrong
and I hold back tears and
I'm shattered

I'm 16
and I'm trying to be happy
I'm trying to be happy
I'm trying to be happy
and I can't cry and
I'm putting myself back together.

-e.w.

The way to her heart,
Is through respect,
You want to love her,
You need to love her friends,
You need to love her family,

Before you ever ask her,
Ask her father,
Show him,
That you are the man that respects him,
That you respect his daughter,

Get his permission to date,
Get his permission to be serious,
Get his permission to marry her,

Wherever life takes you,
Wherever loves takes you,
Respect her,
She is fragile,
She is precious,
She is the most valuable thing that you will ever have.

Love her as if you would never love again,
Kiss her as if it is your last,
Hold her as to comfort her,
Look her in the eyes when you tell her you love her,

Respect the things she says,
Her heart only trusts so many times,
Don't use all your chances to make her happy or she will find someone who will,

As the quote goes,

Protect her like a daughter,
Respect her like a mother,
Love her like a wife.

Be

Responsible,
Empower her,
Support her,
Personalize her problems,
Enrich her life,
Communicate,
Together live life

You broke me...
& I allowed it because I so loved the moment before you uttered how I meant nothing. The moment when you could be redeemed.
The moment in which my breathe would catch in my throat.
The moment in which I desperately wanted to be inlove with you again. The moment in which I wanted to delude myself just one more time into believing you might love me.
Believing that you could value me in my human form.
The form in which my exhale became reminiscent of your name.
You were absorbed into the essence of my very being.
You were everything. & now you are nothing.
This is neither good nor bad.
It simply is.
Because you were poisonous and I loved every second of it ; basking in your presence.
I was a wilting flower and oh how your kiss felt so much like rain.
You were incomparably beautiful to me, but beautiful in the destructive sense.
Beautiful like a forest fire.
But you are not a forest fire.
You were the moon- deeply inconsistent.
You could not be redeemed.
Not by your smile or the way my name tasted leaving your lips or by the rare tears you would spill whispering a belated apology.

You were lost to me.
in all your cruelty- completely lost.

Except for when i would stand lonely in a crowded room- your voice sounding like the insecurities in my mind.
In those moments I'd choked back tears and pretended that the ***** was to blame and not you.
I'd Spend the night hurling insults at the stars whose usually beautiful form seemed a grotesque witness to my aching heart.
And then I'd want to hurt you how you hurt me,
scar your soul repeatedly but then I realised you don't have one.
You never did.