Conflicted, conflicted
My mind so encrypted
There is no escape, my memories inflicted
Pouring through thoughts as my emotions drifted
Searching for absolution, through sands of sorrow I've sifted

Conflicted, conflicted
My spirit isn't lifted
Entombed from mistakes wondering what I did
Errors and consequences and a farewell I do bid

Conflicted, conflicted
Thoughts and emotions contradicted
Standing here hollowed, my heart evicted
Still is the world, not much to be gifted

Error, error
Fear and terror
Time to shut down or be lost all over
Again and again with my soul torn asunder

Error, error
Shut down or be caught by despair
To late, it's here, it caught me unaware
The damage is absolute with no way to repair

Error, error
It will never be better
Not a shred of care
Caught in Medusa's stare

Begin rebooting sequence
Letting shutdown commence
Countdown has begun
Five, four, three, two, one

Nothing but darkness
Soul as a black screen filled with emptiness
Clearing all of my thoughts, my whole head
If I didn't reboot, I'd be as good as dead

Startup commence
Beginning with mental defense
Fortification complete
Open emotional files, hit delete

Blank canvas and nothing more
An empty shell of what I was before
It will happen again and again
It will stop, but nobody knows when

I am a blank slate but in the depths of my mind
Are the thoughts and feelings I wish I could leave behind

A game is just a game
Many have said this, and I am one to blame
But for the gamer at heart, it means so much more
The ability to escape the reality from before
Going on an adventure or quest
Or battling over which strategy is best
Fighting by fellow gamers against an impossible foe
Being able to destroy or create wherever you go
Surviving an endless horde of undead
But this doesn't stop the lie that is said
For a game is not just a game
And if you saw one through my eyes, you would say the same

I'm caught in a forest
My glass frame is jagged and shattered
I give in to a distant call to rest
And I search for somewhere to lay my head
The forest is quiet
A whisp broke me and left
And I'm alone to care for a grove
I am broken, I am scared, I am upset
Something ahead of me
Trapped in the overgrowth
It can't be!
My armor, my friend, my beautiful cog!
Oh! What have I done to you?
I check it's inner workings
Gears clogged with vines and branches
Iron rusted through
Until I wander deep enough
And I find the source of my distant whisper
My hearth
Once a great and burning flame
To move my cog so powerfully
So patiently
Subserviently
I climb in
And flames long dead begin to burn once more
It melts my glass
And smooths me out
And I lay my head to rest
I close my eyes
When I open them again
I see through the juggernaut's eyes
And I burn so hot from my pain
The overgrowth burns away
Rusted parts shatter away
A plume of smoke billows from me
I am a cog once more
I feel so heavy
So tired
But oh so powerful
A great machine finds me in this grove
And offers me a place in it's inner workings
Other cogs inside, made of shining steel greet me
We grind and toil away
And I feel so at home
After harming and being harmed by a beautiful whisp
Who I now understand never truly understood me
Nor did I understand them
They fled from me
Left me so alone
But I am strong once more
I am so tired
I feel safe and complacent
So I will rest and let my body fall into routine
I will sleep
I will obey my new machine
I will dream

"Demons run when a good man goes to war
Night will fall and drown the sun
When a good man goes to war
Friendship dies and true love lies
Night will fall and dark will rise
When a good man goes to war
Demons run but count the cost
The battle is won but the child is lost
When a good man goes to war"

The second hand a rapier
The hour hand, a longsword
And the minutes are my claymore
Armored with the twelve as I push forward
The face is the shield
The gears inside by my command spin or yield
My arsenal is time itself, ticking as I walk
Slaying all of my fears with each sound of a tock
The seconds are my soldiers, loyal and true
The hours are my guardians, great, but few
The moments are precious, hold them dear
Time is the ultimate force, weild it to control eternity
Take control of your destiny
Reinforceing dreams considerably
There is a person and future for which I weild tick and tock
And I have the aid and power of an ever revolving clock

We heed the call and march to war
Let's show the world what we're fighting for
Take up your arms, cast aside your fears
Leave your doubts and lend me your ears
Our cause is our bond, our fighting justified
Our determination runs deep inside
Arm in arm as we stand strong
Amongst our bretheren where we belong
Amongst disaster, we still stand tall

Our goliath companions to any end
Alongside with them we withstand
Any and all enemies
We rise to the challenges of their decrees

A pilot's will is unbreakable
A Titan's force is unstoppable
They choose to fight
For what they think is right
Looking ahead, no matter the peril
Going to war even if it proves to be fatal
Hearts of steel, resolve of iron
Souls alight as they let passion burn
Whenever they fight they give it their all

Our goliath companions to any end
Alongside with them we withstand
Any and all enemies
We rise to the challenges of their decrees

Fields of fire
Hailstorms of lead
Scars that stay forever
On the skin and inside my head
The one who brought me through it all
Was my Ion Titan, standing tall
Now I stand, so pilots please hear my call
Raise your heads and prepare for Titanfall

I'm screaming silently
I'm crying for help inaudibly
I shout but nothing can be heard
Listen close, not a syllable, much less a word
I'm screaming silently
For someone to end my misery
An existence inside of my head
I may as well be as good as dead
I need to be saved, to be heard
But I scream and shout with a smile, not a word

My shield is shattered
My weapon is worn
My counted blessings are scattered
My emblem is torn
The walls are broken
The gates are destroyed
I have been taken,
Tortured, and toyed
There is nothing left but silence
Not a peep
No longer shielded by ignorance
No tick, not a tock, the clock is asleep
It feels as if an eternity has passed
But my mind has become two decades fast
My patience is gone, replaced with unease
It festers, rots, and spreads like a disease
Grasping the moment, so precious
Then going after the seconds, minutes, and hours
My world of time has only become a thread as I dangle so precarious
I have no more might, slipping away are my powers
I am defeated
My clock tower in ruins
My misery is repeated
More sorrow coming into fruition

Silence, within this cold and dark room of mine
Solitude with a perfect design
Items that bring me a semblance of joy
Such as a deck of cards or an old child's toy
But I can't escape my own head
Or the emptiness of my arms or bed
Imprisoned from my own mistakes
Trembling, scared, as my facade breaks
So I wait patiently and empty forever more
Knowing I'll wind up just like before

I'm okay
It's been a good day
You don't need to stay
Just go away
I don't care
I wouldn't dare
There's nothing to beware
I think it's fair
It's not my doing
There's no storm brewing
It's a happy tune I sing
You're dreaming

I'm a liar
I'm a monster
I'm a good for nothing freak
I'm a cheater
I'm a spider
Don't listen when I speak

Go for it
I can, you bet
It's cool, don't worry
My memory is a bit blurry
I'm available
I'm willing and able
I'm not that bad
It's sad
I like it
I don't want to quit
I don't regret a thing
There's more I can bring

I'm a liar
I'm a monster
I'm a good for nothing freak
I'm a cheater
I'm a spider
Don't listen when I speak

Welcome to my web of lies
These are only a few of my devious cries
I'm really something to despise
I'm where any dream comes and dies
I'm a disease to be hated
One that I created
Fabricated
And my greed can't be sated
But before you turn away
My whole life has been this way
It's been a lie, and I believed it
And since I found truth my heart has been a pit
I am a walking lie
And all I ask for is to die
These last words are the truth behind me
My reason, my torment, my misery

I'm a liar
I'm a monster
I'm a good for nothing freak
I'm a cheater
I'm a spider
Don't listen when I speak

I was the spotlight once
I was a star
Swelling with confidence
Outgoing by far
But mistake after mistake tore me down
I've been beaten into the ground
I had so many friends
But their tolerance met an end
And it's funny how I can be forgotten if I sit quietly
Nobody seems to miss me
No matter how grand my memory
Nobody seems to remember to see
How miserable I feel
That my mind can't tell what's fake or real
Hollow I am, just an empty shell
I was at the top, and then I fell
I just can't shake my misery
Or the memory of what I used to be

We have been betrayed by virtual brothers in arms
We have been dealt a great injustice
We have been turned against and they mean us harm
But I will not tolerate this
We will rise again, the soldiers of exile
We shall storm the field and make them kneel, beg, and grovel
We are the ones left behind
Beaten and battered by our own kind
So bring me your lone wolves, your unwanted, and your clan-less
For the Cult of Slaughter will show you kindness
Each one betrayed will become a demon
We are the nightmare, our cult of the forsaken
There will be war
There will be blood spilled
We will be their horror
We will rejoice in the bloodbath from the ones we've killed
Slaughter can't be spelled without laughter
And we shall laugh while we **** and die, now and forever
I was the Nuthouse Devil
And I am now the Demon of the Cult
I'll look upon my old friends and smile
As I lead our clan's uprising and revolt

I see your blood, I know you're in pain
But let not your suffering be in vein
Let me hold your broken heart
To keep it from further falling apart
Protected until a solution is found
Held close to me, safe and sound
I crack, crumble, and fall apart
But I'd rather I suffer than let anything harm your heart
My doors are ironclad
My walls are steel
I hope I can make you happy and glad
So I can continue to bear the metal, so cold to feel
I want you to smile
I want you to weep with joy
So I can continue my denial
Of the walls collapsing, myself I destroy
I am the vault of secrets and lies
If you smile, then I'll be the one they all despise
Even if you hate me after
Just be happy now and forever

Dungeons and dragons
Fairies and flagons
Through thick and thin
With a tear or grin
By brothers and sisters of war
To go on adventures galore
To use the mind to an extravagant degree
Is what I see to be truly free
Whether it be cards or dice, pen and paper,
It matters not when, it matters not where
We are the masters of our destiny
To a certain degree
(As long as it's within the DM's decree)
Here we are, flung into fantasy
It matters not the opinions of the narrow-minded
We do not change no matter what is said
Deck in my left and dice in my right
Behind me an adventure to pass the night
In front of me, a world to explore
As I shout proudly **"I AM A NERD FOREVER MORE!"

I am strange
To this I know
But I am not as deranged
As most would think so
I scream, I laugh, I cry and shed tears
I have my hopes, I have my fears
But we cry for different things, you and I
Different in laughter, sobs, and meanings of goodbye
Different of skin mayhaps, but that matters not
Different of opinion and the hatred it's wrought
Different personalities that sometimes collide
Different families that care and provide
But aside from the estranged difference between you and me
We are both a part of humanity
And if you are so mighty to decree
The insanity in me
Then you're a madman as well for not letting me be

I am afraid
Of being betrayed
I am terrified
Of being denied
I fear the people closest to me
The ones I call my family
Tyrants taking advantage of my cowardice
And never giving me a real choice
All I'm allowed to show is unconditional obedience
I am shackled by their chains, keeping my distance
I am trapped and afraid
Keeping their punishments delayed
I am but a spineless fool
Good for nothing but their tool

Look into my eyes as you stab my soul
Hold me close as my body runs cold
Kiss me as I slip into emptiness
Blood flowing from my mortal wound, bringing you bliss
The cold steel of your knife warming in my chest
And with a deadly love we are both obsessed
So please my dear, end my misery
Show me you care and **** me sweetly

I'm friends with everyone
We all have loads of fun
I'm so happy with how it's all run
Until FOUR THREE TWO ONE
Shattered hopes, broken dreams
Busting my whole perfect life at the seams
I can hear the cries and screams
Arguments and nightmares
Terrifies and scares
Haunts and horrors
Locks and trapdoors
Fires and pits
Demons and misfits
My broken memory
Was suddenly replaced by reality
Not everyone cares for me
Breaking my delusional stupidity
I thought I was the king of lies
But it turns out that they were my world, my demise
I weep over my torn and murdered world
Leaving my innocence in a pile of blood and lies unfurled

Keep steady a mind full of fear and dreams, of thoughts that surpass reality
Try to contain a mind so full of infinite creativity
No? You can't? Neither can I
So I don't even bother
I don't even try
So let's all dream together
Let's all dream, and live, and live, and dream
Let's fear
Yes, fear!
Because then we have something to overcome
And we can do it together
Come on! There's a life worth living and we're all welcome
To feel happiness, sadness, pain, euphoria, anger, worry, safety, danger, hope, thrill
We have a chance to do nearly anything, to be almost anything we want!
We all have a great many things to fulfill
So go out and take your humanity around to flaunt
To stand by family and friends, or even total strangers
For better or worse
We can't be contained
All efforts to try are in vain
So come my brothers and sisters and get ready
To rise as humans who would be insulted to ever be told to hold steady

You're a bit rough around the edges and slightly rude
You are my guardian, my sister, my friend
Your methods of life lessons for me may be crude
But you mean the best for me, not a false pretend
You are my blood, my life, my flesh
And every moment with you I cherish
I love you, my dear sister
And I want you to remember that forever

We were always close
Ever since I came here
We've always been there for each other
Because that's what friends do

After a tough time
You were there for me again
Taking me under your broken wing
Protecting me from hurt
I got feelings through total confusion
I tried to keep it in
Ride it out
I knew it wouldn't last long
For it was my emotions all jumbled

You found out
You made no big deal about it
Only asked why
You and I shook it off
I thought the “crush” was over
And it was
For a while

You were with someone at the time
Someone who I wasn't real fond of
Looking in as a friend
Not many liked her
But you did so I respected your choice
She kept playing you like a guitar
Going too far
Leaving a scar
On your fragile heart
You asked your friends what we thought of her
Again, not many liked her
You hesitated but you moved on
Or so I thought

Summer
We were talking again after a sudden and accidental stop
You and I were making plans
For fun little events in the future
Comic con
Something every need wants to go to at least once in their life
You a doctor
Me a comic book character
We got closer
At least I thought we did
I started getting those wretched feelings again
Why
They came back
I thought we were getting somewhere
Then you became distant
Out of the blue
You were talking to someone else
So I let it ride out again

Months passed
It felt like months
Though it probably was only one
You stopped to that girl
You say you were getting nowhere
That's how I felt
So I went back to being a “little sister”
Being just a friend
You met a girl from another place
And you started again
My feelings were gone
Again

School starts
You're a senior now
I'm a junior
You're graduating early
I got the brightest idea to ask you to go to prom with me
I just haven't said anything to you about it yet
It wouldn't be anything more than friends
Just one last hoorah
With my really close friend
I don't know how to ask you without it sounding like more than it would be
Your birthday’s in two weeks
Maybe I bring it up then?

I start catching feelings again
Just tiny but enough
You saw me in the hallway today
Put your hand ever so gently on my shoulder
Feeling like a feather
I turn around and act like I didn't see you
I say hello
Maybe this time it'll work out?
You follow me to my bus?
This is new
I go to say goodbye and get on the yellow taxi to home
And you call out to me
Hey!
I turn around
Crap
Don't make it obvious I have tiny amounts of feelings
I wrap my arms around you and just stay there for a while
I hope it was long enough to feel sincere without leading on to anything

I really want to tell you how I feel but I see you're not over the main two from the past
So I'm just going to sit here and type this out

Chasing a dream
Thinking to love
Make hope gleam
Reach for a place above
Trying for better
Watching for hope
Dreaming of happiness
Avoiding a noose tied from rope
Thinking life is bliss
Hoping someone will catch interest in me
Hoping to gather some self-esteem
Each is a fool's errand, clearly
And I follow each one, chasing an empty dream

My friend is sleeping on the floor
Surrounded by a puddle of red water
He isn't breathing anymore
Neither are his mother or father
We were playing a simple game
The last one to fall asleep wins
It got boring having everything be the same
So I sank a blade into their esophagus within
The red and blue lights flashed and a man said I was bad
They put me in time- out and it made me sad.
But I got orange cloths and we played robbers and cops
And I watched laughing as my sleeping cellmate drops.
I dug his eyes out with a spoon
And a white van came soon
They placed me in a room with pillows on every wall
The room wasn't very wide or tall
So now I sit on my bed and mope
Sitting here wearing my nice white coat

To love is to be mad
For it makes me smile, then makes me sad
I know it's okay for you to move on
But I'm left behind and you are long gone
I've tried and tried to be okay
To smile and lie and say
I'm fine, I'm alright
I won't cry tonight
I've cried too much for a lost and broken dream
My smiles are of madness, never as what they seem
Why is it easy for others
While I try to smile as my heart and mind suffer?

My emotions rage within
On a past I should not dwell
For a war I was fated never to win
Marching onward to the gates of Hell

You were a beacon
That cast away the dark
Little moments when I could forget
And find solace and scraps of redemption

How happy I am you came to trust
These broken wings of mine
To shelter you from travesty
Despite my shattered mind

I couldn't save my soul
But I would protect yours
Happily rotting to inevitable ruin
To watch your brilliance shine

I was too blind to take note
That you didn't wish to leave
But instead repair my fractured heart
The pain you wished to ease

A poem is all I can muster
Along with games to play
To express myself openly
With a voice that can not say

I love you
For what you've done
For loving me
And I no longer need to run

**** my hopes and dreams
Empty my heart and fill the void with screams
Lie to me more about what the reason was to leave me
Save the trouble and hold your story
Everything you said was fiction
Yet you hold me accountable for the tragic conviction

Cut out my heart, I never needed it
Lay to waste my love, make it forfeit
Accuse me to cover your tracks
Rip the trust I had for you and show me your soul turned black
Enjoy your new toy, whom I'm sure you'll eventually leave too

Open your trap again to cage another inside
Bring him down for your ride
Reveal to him who you really are
Insist to lie and etch into another this terrible scar
Aim for his happiness as you did to me
Never to satisfy and never to be happy

One, two, three, four
I declare a ****** war
One filled with pain and hate
And one side will fall if the other is late
One born from deceit and lies
I'll be the one she will despise
One thing I grow tired to see
Is her drowning in misery
I don't ******* care if she hates me
Only tell me if she's happy

I may as well not exist
I am no longer capable to resist
I am just a dog, being scolded by all
And while everyone bickers, I take the fall
I am now trapped, I am so sorrowful to admit
But I've tried. I'm still thinking, **** it!
But don't get your hopes up, don't wait for me
Because if I can't come up with anything then again you'll be crying
It's my fault. It always is.
This is the new chapter, and the nightmare now begins

Endless expanses of ice and snow
Getting colder with nowhere to go
A place of terrible vice and sin
Where evil rules all that reside within
No escape from the deadly chill
Or the freezing winds, sure to ****
A place that will rip happiness asunder
A place of horrifying wonders
There is no hope, no sanctuary to find
Forget being rescued if you are left behind
A place that tears my mind apart
This is a frozen wasteland, this is my heart

How long has it been since you forgot?
How long did you leave me to rot?
How long did you hope I would cry?
How many wishes did you ask me to die?
But you made a mistake
To wish for my sake
To end in disaster
Because now I am better
Better than before
And there is a new fight for me
A new war
One with no time to worry
Over petty things like you
Who would wish to run me through
You are but a cockroach
And on others do you enroach
But I move on here
I move on now
With a future bright and clear
And forward on I plow
For a better tomorrow for me
For the day I get to be happy

Don't mind me
I'm just bleeding
I'm suffering but you can't see
My mind is slowly receding
Just take notice and help me
Put a bullet into my skull is all I ask of thee
I'm scared, I'm alone
And kindness is something no one has shown.
I feel so cold, so dead
I can hear the voices echo inside of my head
Telling me I'm free
Just grab the gun and end my misery
I'm suffering, can't you see?
Of course not, because no one cares about me

Pain, deceit, misery, and lies
These are all I know and they're what I despise
But that also means I hate me
But the echoes of my past won't leave me be
My sins, my crimes, my evil misdeeds
I hate myself, yet I plant these seeds
Hit me, punish me for all I've done
I can't hide, I can't fight, I'm too frightened to run
But the echoes, OH GOD THESE TERRIBLE ECHOES!
I can not rid myself of them
Burn me and make me bleed
Either that or leave me be
I don't deserve kindness
Not for my cowardice
Not for the pain I've caused
Not for all of the lies
I've taken their bliss
I guided them until we were lost
And I am the false shepherd until the last lamb dies
I am a monster, hiding in a human's skin
I am nothing but evil within
I have good intentions and I want to do right
But I can't because all I can do is extinguish the light
Cut me down and punish me for what you have no knowledge of
For I deserve it all if I am ever again to be worthy of love
Worthy enough again for joy, laughter, happiness, and bliss
These are the emotions I long for, I miss
At the end of it all I ask for one tender kiss
For me, undeserving, a monster amiss

My weapon is patience
Time is my sword
For me, waiting makes no difference
Because the ones who wait reap their reward
The clock is my armor
The watch is my shield
Watching the hands revolve forever
As all of time itself I feel as if I wield
I feel in my heart that all will be solved in patiently waiting
For all must come to an end, both despair and hating
My weapon is patience
My armor, the clock
Eventually all will know silence
*Tick-Tock

Day full of fun
I'ts only begun
Having a good run
Through a world seeming just for me
A child at heart full of glee
A magical sanctuary of games, rides, and candy
This is where good memories play
Where they are all locked away
Imprisoned by the mistakes, follies, and friends I betray
One of them runs
having loads of fun
even after down goes the sun
A memory so beautiful but like a rose
The more I remember the more the pain grows
And with that the river of tears flows
A sweet little girl
having a whirl
into a smile her lips curl
Teasing and enticing me to stay
Inside of this carnival and prance around and play
But inevitably the darkness took me right back away
In the depths of my mind
Is the carnival of mine
Of the sweet little memory I regretfully left behind

This is me
Regretting every memory
Wishing I could be
Free for all eternity
My heart is heavy
And blinded by fear with no clarity
I wish that I was brave
But I'm spineless, always to behave
No scrap of pride or ego to save
Just a walking corpse without a grave

Hush my darling, don't you cry
Even when the light is about to die
For when the darkness comes to play
Forever with you my heart shall stay