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  Oct 2018 ash
Beaux
If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.
The state of Florida is now home to the two most deadly mass shootings in American history. Pulse Nightclub was attacked in my city, I have friends who attend Marjory Stoneman Douglas in Parkland. My little sister often fears going to school. I'm afraid to graduate and leave her. I want to be able to protect her if something happens. I hate that we have a reason to be afraid... That it's reasonable to have these fears. I hate it so f*cking much.
ash Oct 2018
her thoughts race wildly around her mind,
each one overlapping the last
all screaming for her attention, causing pain to burst from behind her eyes
loneliness screams at the back of her mind
insecurity speaks lowly, whispers somehow echoing louder and louder
doubt creates a fog, muddling into confusion
but anxiety, the loudest voice of all, overpowers everything - becoming all she can hear through the noise
late night ramblings
ash Oct 2018
you are distant, like the moon
i can always see you. can always feel your presence
but you are untouchable
you shine as bright as the stars
your eyes dance with light that twinkles, and light that disappears as quickly as it appears
you are warmth, your smile igniting a fire through my veins
a fire that brings comfort, but stings at the simple realization that you are not mine
you will never be mine
and you are as far away as the galaxies in the sky

— The End —