It's not fair
To tell me I burden you
I didn't ask for this
I'm trying my hardest really
Do you think I want this?
Did this on purpose?
I want to be the girl who talks to people without hesitation
To speak my mind
To get up and dance
To not cry when I'm alone
Not be unable to breathe when I feel the slightest bit of social awkwardness
Not be offended by everyones' joke and jab at me
Which usually leads to more crying and hating myself
I don't want to look in the mirror and hate what I see
I don't want you to think I'm off putting because I'm quiet most of the time
I don't hate or dislike you
I hate and dislike me which is why I could never talk to a person like you
I don't want to love feeling second best at everything
I don't want to be treated differently because of my physicality and mentality
I don't want you to leave
I don't want you to feel like you have to fix me
I can't be fixed
Pain is relentless and forever
I stare for long periods of time contemplating my death
But I realize I can hurt the people that hurt me
I am weak
I am sad
I wish I could stop feeling this bad

I'm overwhelmed
With the sky and the trees and my house and my family.
But on top of all that I'm overwhelmed inside myself.
I don't know if you can grasp that.
Its similar to having a blender going on in your head all the time.
I can't think straight.
I can't eat.
I can't sleep.
My mom thinks I'm sick.
I'm actually just overwhelmed.

Tick And tock
Like a metronome
My head keeps tapping as I stay awake
My mom snores, I can hear her growling through the walls,
As my imagination begins to creak and groan
Please sleep, stay in,  don't go wandering on your own.
My head would like to roam
In dream land once again,
But you've gone out for the night it seems
Like a Fairweather friend.

I wish mr. Sandman would stay for awhile, but it seems as though that isn't happening.
I'd be thankful for a nightmare because I haven't slept all week
Oh wait I don't think I wanna sleep while someone's slashing

bleary eyed and weary *****
tendons creak and muscles groan
stomach grumbles and lungs lament
every shred of will is rent

dreams are beating down the door
face keeps falling towards the floor
the war against the night is lost
the darkness comes despite cost

A bunch of anxiety
Curled up in the body
Making you nervous
Freaking you out

Stress is a
Major part of
Our daily lives
Killing us
On the inside

I’m sorry that I don’t always
Find the time for exercising
And sometimes my room is cluttered
I’m not a real clean person

I’m sorry that sometimes
I leave my cereal bowl
On the table
I don’t relate, half the time
To things that are important

But I don’t smoke and
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t party
I’m good at school,
And I live at home
I’m doing my best, Mom.

I know sometimes
I’m not perfect
I do not practice
What I preach
But neither do you
Cause no one can
Don’t mean to burst your bubble.

I can’t read minds,
You’d like me to
I wish I could
Cause then I’d know
Exactly when you’re mad at me
And then I wouldn’t need
To have these pointless
Panic Attacks
My brain thinks are so important
I should see a doctor

But I don’t smoke and
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t party
I do well school,
And I live at home
I’m doing my best, Mom.

I like to think
I’m unique
I try to stand outside the crowd
But you told me
I sure blend in well
I think that’s mean
Because you’re the most
Basic ***** I’ve ever known
But maybe you’re right,
I’m just like you.

But I don’t smoke and
I don’t drink
I don’t do drugs
I don’t party
I’m good at school,
And I live at home
I’m doing my best, Mom.

You’re right, Mom:
A "B" is not an "A"
I’m a hoarder
I’m not healthy
I’m pretty lazy
Quite complacent
Self-righteous
Inconsiderate

But I’m doing my best, Mom