If I walk into the forest
will I become like those
big old trees ?

If I walk under the violent
rain will I be a wrecking
storm of my own ?

If I walk into a meadow
will I bloom the same
way the daffodils and
tulips do ?

If I walk in a wedding
dress and stick flowers
in my hair will you marry
me and say your vows ?

Will you kiss me and
whisper the words of
"I do" in my mouth* ? ~

you made me feel like i was chained to the stars, like every part of me lit up, even the ones i wasn’t so proud of. i was too young to be wild and free and you stopped holding my hand when it was dark outside. i said i love you because i thought that would fix it, you said goodbye like it was the only word you knew.

2. you were like watching the sun rise from behind thick blinds: a little sliver of dark becomes a little sliver of light and then you’re gone. i loved you like you were a storm that i was driving into. i kissed you like swerving off the road. i loved you like when it’s freezing outside and once you come back inside it’s too hot. there was no medium. it was all or nothing. once i got the strength to leave you thanked me and hugged me like you were checking my back for exit wounds.

3. you’re a ghost now and for a long time i thought my heart was buried 6 feet under with you, thought i was as frozen as the ice that made your tires skid, thought it would have been better if i had gone to the funeral.

4. you said my smile was stupid so now i cover my mouth when i laugh. you said i look silly when i sleep so i stopped spending the night. i thought it was my fault when you told me i wasn’t worth it anymore. you said you wanted a necklace with a feather on it so i cut off my wings and made you one, but you never liked it anyway. when you left i said “you promised” but you said “we never shook on it.”

5. the boy with the ‘check engine’ light on his chest. i spent a lot of time tripping over the rug you swept your problems under, spent a lot of time trying to rip the seams you sewed. even a trigger is soft until you pull on it. i always felt like something you lost but didn’t want to look for anymore. you never knew what my voicemail sounded like and i wonder if it’s because i was always so eager to talk to you that i never let it ring more than twice or because you never bothered to call. i wonder if you are finally realizing that you can’t be the ****** weapon and the search party, can’t be the hero and the villain. i was the first aid kit that couldn’t fix you. you always looked out windows like you belonged somewhere else. remember the first time you burned your hand when you were 7 and touched the stove top. remember the first time you kissed me. remember how you said you couldn’t tell the difference because it hurt just the same. the day that i told you i was leaving you said, “god, it’s so awful to see the people you love have dreams.”

insides dead,
driftwood emotions,
oceans of regret.
swept under the waves.
Betterdays,
in the horizon.
Hard to find them
in the abyss
of bad habits
that i’ve inhabited.
Agoraphobic,
closed off,
like a treacherous day.
Doors locked,
subdued,
constant moods,
brooding storms in submarines,
under the weather
&
under the sea.
show me the coral reef,
of beautful feelings,
and creatures,
the features of life.
Evade me by day,
and escape me at night.
i can’t fathom the colloquial,
of the same old ****.
i’m down with my nothing,
and i’ll sink with the ship.

The strings of my heart have snapped, said Job
Have I had sorrow like that?
That return trip I take to anguish
All my energy is sapped

It feels like too much sorrow
No hope of coming up clover
Like the tongue to the sore tooth
Replays it over and over

My broken heart cannot stay away
From what has hurt me the most
It takes up hours of my time
While I’m hosting my own roast

Lamenting, regretting, I'm busy
Ruminate, perseverate, too
I disconnect from reality
Not seeing how I’ll make it through

Composing clever conversations
For a moment I see light
When my heart opens wide to recover
Making all things turn out right

But, no, it’s not meant to end well there
I must suffer for all my crimes
And relive how my heart got broken
Once again till the end of time.

The Lord is my Shepherd
     PERFECT PROTECTION
I shall not want
    PERFECT SATISFACTION
He maketh me to lie down
    PERFECT REST
In green pastures
    PERFECT NOURISHMENT
He leadeth me
    PERFECT GUIDANCE
Beside the still waters
    PERFECT PEACE
He restoreth my soul
    PERFECT RESTORATION
He leadeth me in the paths of
                                                righteousness,­ for His name's sake                                                     PERFECT WALK
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the  
                                                 shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
    PERFECT CONFIDENCE
For Thou art with me
            PERFECT COMPANIONSHIP
           Thy rod
              PERFECT DISCIPLINE
          And Thy staff
  PERFECT SUPPORT
         They comfort me
   PERFECT CONSOLATION
        Thou preparest a table before me
   PERFECT FELLOWSHIP
       In the presence of mine enemies
   PERFECT TRIUMPH
      Thou anointest my head with oil
  PERFECT STRENGTH
      My cup runneth over
PERFECT JOY
      Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life
                                                 PERFECT   LOVE
And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
                 PERFECT HABITATION