Come and have a seat
There's plenty to eat and drink
The table set with only the finest
the tea reaching our heads like a virus

Welcome to the Toxic Tea Party
Where sanity exists hardly
Every guest here has a story
Some sad, pathetic and gory
Many of them told to put it away
To live everyday the same
But here you can be anything you want
The acting can finally stop

So pull out a chair and your story we'll hear
You'll find that you're not alone my dear

Have a scone and a sip of our tea
And slowly lose your grip on reality

Don't tell me I'm pretty
Tell me that I'm passionate
That I have drive
Tell me that I make you laugh
That I know how to make your day better
Don't tell me I seem nice
Tell me that I'm kind and compassionate
Tell me that I'm not afraid to dream and to dream big
Don't tell me I'm perfect
Tell me the you love me despite my flaws
That you want to spend the rest of your life with me
Don't tell me I'm beautiful
Tell me that you'll be faithful and forever true

For too many years I’ve been an unwilling host
To an invader inside my head
A parasite
See, the thing about a parasite?
It’s magnificent at hiding
It starts out small, undetectable
Worming its way inside your body, your mind
But this microscopic monster starts to feed off you
Eating away your existence from the inside out
Tearing through your flesh with its piercing teeth
Flooding your brain with searing poison
It releases its young to metastasize the damage
By the time you have an inkling of the war raging inside
This army has grown by hundreds, thousands
And they have nuked the battleground, leaving nothing behind.
My parasite may be called depression but it works just the same
Starting off in the shadows
Silently entering your mind
Feeding off your suffering
Injecting you with its lies
“You are worthless”
“You’re a burden”
“You don’t belong on this earth”
These lies grow in numbers, destroying every inch of happiness
Until you see the lies as truth in your corrupted lens
You are filled with an unwavering dread
Crippled by an interminable loneliness
And you are at the mercy of this ruthless being
Then you go days without sleeping
Days without feeling
Arms covered in red slashes to at least feel something
The world starts spinning faster, but you’re still stuck in slow motion
You want someone to hear your silent screams
But your presence has become microscopic, invisible
And how do you put into words what even you can’t understand?
So the darkness consumes you until you’re nothing but an empty shell
A ghost of a human being
Going through the motions of life while no longer living
And all you plead for is the pain to cease
So you drown in a sea of pills and pray it’s enough to send you into eternal slumber.
I may have raised the white flag on my battle
But I was saved before my soul could flee this earth
And I am grateful for each breath I still take
But this war is far from over
My parasite may have been pacified yet it still remains
Silently pulling the strings in the background
And each day I fear it will again grow too strong
And conquer the battlefield of my mangled mind.

M.

O.

M.

Three insignificant letters come together to form the benefactor of life
Except the woman who presented me life
the woman who was meant to put me above all else in this world
The woman who's job description was to keep me safe, healthy, and happy for 18 years
Gave up in 12 and declared me a burden instead of a child
When kids ditched school in fear of bullies lurking for their prey
I fled to the bus stop 10 minutes early as my bully stood at my front door
Waiting to pounce on me with her newest criticism
Trapping me within the 4 walls where Im expected to be safe
your home is your sanctuary
Protection from the everyday injustices that lie outside your fortress of familiarity
But 4 walls can hide the cruel truth
That my home became my penitentiary
I, the sole prisoner
Locked in with my ruthless warden
And sure I was given hot meals and a bed
But what good are hot meals when you're told if you eat you'll be round as the plate they’ve been served on?
What good is a bed when sleep is unattainable
Because your mind is circling through the endless verbal torture you've been handed to by the one who should love you unconditionally
And your eyes refuse to shut because you crave to delay the hopeless inevitability of a new day of torment?
And how are you expected to find worth in yourself
When you have been buried in the landfill of your creator’s unjust cruelty
and she can no longer tell the difference between trash and child?