Lip Biting
Smiling
Nuzzling
Holding
Nose kissing
Stroking
Clutching...
To something that feels so real,
So alive that it is as if it lives and breathes
One single entity
Brought bubbling to the surface
By the power of one question:
Did you miss me?

Bobby-pin, the anchor to the thin cloth of a once bleak school career
Pulled out like the pin of a grenade
Suddenly gone, where do I go? Do I run?
Take cover? to whom do I turn?
These constant goodbyes are the never ending logarithm, unsolvable without my bobby-pin.

And that polar bear was my friend

Never understanding the migration patterns,

Of which there are none; stand still and live.

Polar bears are meant to adapt to the cold,

The biting air and piercing words of others.

When life pukes on your ice, eat it,

That is what polar bears do... right?

I can be that warm coat to protect you, day,

And night, claws that rip and tear.

I would love to be there for you,

And that polar bear was my friend.

The train near our house
cried out mournfully.
Screaming nooooo
every day.
And no one listens
nobody understands.
That it fears
its destination.

I wish I could stand up
make it stop.
Because the screaming
hurts my heart.
If it didn't stop for me,
at least I wouldn't have to hear
that terrible sound
ever again.

Where would you like to meet?
the library
Really? Okay... When?
1:00, unless you want to get lunch before
Lunch? Nah, I'm good... I... don't... eat...
well I mean, yeah totally, cool
yeah.
totally.
cool.
I mean, we can do whatever.
No yeah, library, perfect place for a date.
Yup, You don't know how to propose a lunch date.
Kay. See you then
bye sweet

I love that about you.
I crave these conversations,
I know they make you blush.
They make me smile.
You wanted this date to be perfect.
And so you chose a library.
Chose the place you would be most cozy.
Chose the place where we had our first kiss.
Yes, I remembered. How could I forget.
See you then, my socially-awkward, beautiful boy.

We sat and talked
Wondering when this dream would end
Going seperate ways
It never occurred to us.
In a matter of time we would be alone.
Like a mustache without a lone gunman,
Completely and utterly alone.

There is a girl I met today,
Who stood out among all others.
Straight as a I tight rope
I told her she was gorgeous.
She blushed, the warmth,
I almost melted.
What is going on?
How can this girl, only this girl,
Make me feel this way?
Still never will compare
To the love I am in now.
Yet her soul was too beautiful to surpass.
Her smile, her laugh, her clothing, her voice,
I want to keep them with me forever.

Are we not together you and I?
Should we share our affection in private?
Safe from the piercing daggers
Hidden from the wandering eyes

Never had I felt more alone
That moment when you vanished
And all that was left
Was a lingering scent of longing

Two weeks couldn't come faster
Counting down the days to bliss
The reverse blastoff that slows
To a snales pace, a dead crawl

All I ever wanted was you
Only you, substitutes be ******
No more mindless loves, afterall
Are we not together, you and I?

I don't know what makes me
Fall in love so easily.
The heart ache is excruciating.
Yet I can't be trained to stop
And think of the consequences.
I don't want it here anymore
To wound me over and over again.
Because it happens with everyone
Almost every soul has a redeeming quality.
It is the quality, not the person
With whom I fall in love.
Every single time, no matter the day
But I don't understand my heart.
I want these people to be boring,
Lame, narcissistic, squabbling pigs.
Yet I know I would find something
To make me fall once again.

This friendship
Is like cookie butter
It is surprisingly addictive,
Highly enjoyable,
Gone far too quickly.


Until you go buy more.

Goodbye bumble bee
You shall no longer bumble,
Or sweep down to taste the sweet nectar.
A hive mind; did they feel it when you were crushed?

I hate the way I look,
can't stand the people I see,
sitting alone is a new pastime,
my parents think I'm lonely,
always say they care,
but talking isn't my thing,
and speaking with you hurts,
yet I subject myself to pain,
when the dancing brings back memories,
hide inside a hole,
and hope that no one notices,
the fact that I have broken.

I want to write a poem about him
About how absolutely perfect he is
About how his smile makes me melt
And every time I see him time stands still

But I can't

People who read could never understand
The most painful time without him
Is the week after he leaves me
And the three days before he returns
Everything in between is only a little less excruciating

I just can't

His beauty really surpasses all others:
Soft hair, the color of a morning sunrise
Eyes the color of a blue bird's egg
A body chiseled by gods

How can I?

The way he talks is almost foreign
Never have I met a more intelligent person
To be treated like an equal is refreshing
He doesn't know he is terrific, perfect, stunning.

I won't ever do him justice.

He stood there, for the first time in God knows how long.
I couldn't breathe, he was chatting with some friends and didn't notice me.
Realizing I had stopped walking, Calmly I got my barings back.
He saw me,
Sheer panic
Do I have that look of longing on my face still?
No.
The next few minutes are a blur, all I know is we talked like normal people.
Not two people in movies who suddenly realized they were in love.
Nope.
The normal friendly kind of people, I wish it were otherwise.
I hope no one can hear my heart beating as fast as it is.
Or see that first secret halt in movement before a sane mind was found.
Conflicted feelings wish he would have never come back.
No one wants to say goodbye.
Those firm arms and whispered words are never enough.
But we pretend, we pretend everything will be fine.
Silently,
We fall.
Alone again.

I got to watch you dance with a fiery passion almost as rich and beautiful as your hair.
I got to look into your bright blue eyes, cold as the breeze that blows against our necks.
Our noses kissed, then our mouths and all was clear, all was well.
Silly Boy, you watched me falter in every other combination, smiling like a fool.
I leave without you, but there will be other times, other occasions to see my beautiful boy.

I heard a song on some station
with lyrics about someone leaving
they reminded me of you
And I wanted to remember the song forever
but I couldn't find it later.
Something to do with leaving
something about being alone
never knew you even cared
not until you were gone.
Please find this song for me
this poem is a subtle hint
I don't remember the melody or lyrics
I only know it reminds me of you.

I never missed this feeling of being alone
Maybe because it never truly left.

I assumed someone would be there
One person giving words to mindless actions.

No one even tries to pretend anymore
They all found someone new to hold.

Does that mean that I am no longer enough,
That my body can be thrown away.

This crucial time when my body is my own.
Exploring is all I want to do, to feel, to notice.

Yet no one even gives me a passing glance
The ones who stop to look, add their own disclaimer.

I am glad I got to be the one,
Who helped them all to find their way in the dark.

The one to show them how the world looks
Open their eyes to her beauty and grace.

They told me their problems and I solved the puzzle
"Go to her" "Get over it" "Don't mind me"

I just wish for once, someone would be that friend for me.
But they are blind.

For now I will welcome the lonely
And hope that this feeling will always be here for me.

Because that is all I have left.

How could the color red be so welcoming?
Never before had I realized how stunning orange could be.
The sun hides behind the clouds out of sheer shame.

Three years I waited,
I watched you become more and more awkward.
Three years we were partners,
asking for your ****** preference and receiving nothing.
Three years and then you up and left,
and when you returned I showed my feelings.
Three years you said, these emotions last,
and yet you never had the courage to do what I did.
Three years and I finally felt,
the soft touch of your lips on mine,
sinfully delicious.
Three years, I had never imagined, perfection,
yet you leave as soon as they call you again.
Three years and I am leaving,
for the same reasons you yourself cherish.
Three words I will never hear you say,
I love you, but what does that seem to matter?

I felt it last night
That feeling of empty.
When you blindly throw trust,
And hungry hands choke it to death.
I couldn't breath.
Skin raw and stung,
You burnt me with a fiery poker,
Branding me a fool.
Calling me out for my desperate need
To be longed for.
I felt numb as you held me.
Yet too hot.
Walls closed in.
I stared at your ceiling,
Wondering when it was okay to leave.
Collect my pride from the floor and go.
I am just a piece of meat
I forgot,
Sorry.
Thank you for reminding me of who I am.

Those moments you left me to my thoughts,
I felt a familiar warmth.
Slightly comforting being alone next to someone

(Slightly messed up is what it is)

I felt slightly nothing.

When I left, your back was turned.
And I could breathe again.
As if I had been holding my breath for 14 hours.
(You had me for 14 hours)
That's how long it takes to learn.
I found money on my way out,
I stole it.
I felt I deserved it.
You wasted me
My time
My body
You insulted my intelligence.
I stole cigarettes as well.
To pull the life back into my lungs.
Funny how something so intimate and personal,
Can become a power grab.
That's when I tune out.
Go limp, numb, turn off my brain.
I wish you had paid me...
Give me a good Yelp review at least
5 stars
*******.
I felt scared.
*******

And they loved me,
I held their hands while they cried,
brought the tissues to every period,
beat my brain for resolutions to shoddy problems,
listening day by day to a broken record,
And they loved me for it.

I hurt more and more, silent
Family not knowing what to think,
grounded for the first time in 5 years,
alone because of the love I give
and they never noticed.

I did what I do, played me
divorce, heartbreak, panic attacks,
there I was, with a kind word
And I became broken.

the sadness that was theirs was mine,
I take that burden, it grows
never stops growing, day
after day, after day, after day
and they kept being sad,
And I was always alone.

Silence, don't say a word,
I will make it worse for them
never worry about myself,
just because I have attacks,
Cut, my family was fine
And never will be the same again.

Until I changed, they never noticed
the only ones to notice were my parents
and they loved me... My friends, they did love me until I opened my mouth,
They loved me.

It never stopped,
Never halted.
Never ceased to amaze.
The beauty of this rain,
And the strength.
With which it crushed
the breath of many.
Choked
Suffocated
Broke

She sat in the corner
No one saw
Twitching and hiding her prize
It writhed and curled
Then suddenly became still
And the spider, full,
Was alone again.

The days grow longer and longer
Because you never came home
Because every time I close my eyes
Your face is behind these moist lids
A day became a week within seconds
Thinking you would be safe soon
But that was just a dream
No worries. These days that's all I do
Wait, forever, these days.

I have been staring at a piece of paper for weeks
Trying to think of something to write about you
And I can't
To put all of my heart onto one piece of paper, impossible
Try to explain away someone who shares a part of my soul, unthinkable
You are my world, you inhabit the space between my ribs
How do I put that to words

You are not like the rain
You never teased my skin
Planting ideas in my head
That grew roots in my heart
The acid Dripping from your tongue,
You burnt me.

The storm raged

The waters haven't calmed since.
I felt love, I Feel love, I bleed hurt
And long for a tsunami
To sweep me from this nightmare.
Come back
Break my skin
Please
Show me what it feels like to love again.
Let me dance in the toxicity
And bathe in the poison
Your scent
Your fumes
Paint
Dirt
Home
A fresh rain falls
I'm drawn back in

Let me drown