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I enjoy your hugs
The spontaneous, out of the blue hugs
The "I like you" hugs
The "I want to hold onto you" hugs
I love the hugs you give me

They make my days go from bad to good
and when you leave my hands can still feel you
I can inhale and still smell the scent you leave behind

Gosh, your hugs amaze me

The " I want to stay here forever" hugs
The "I can't let you go" Hugs
The "I love you" hugs
I love the hugs
I can't get enough of them
Can't get enough of your hugs

I shouldn't fall for a guy with blue eyes
But man don't they hit me every time.
I shouldn't call for a guy who lives me tongue tied
but man his lips they sure look fine

Nothing seems better than having
A peach

A round, plump, orange looking peach

I saw him with new eyes.
Gay eyes.
(Though, these eyes have always been gay eyes.)
I noticed his long nose,
a slide for the sweat that took the ride down
landing where his foot had once been.

I noticed his hair, a wildness of blond,
Going this way
That way
No way.
His eyes of the sea darted this way
That way
No way.
I shivered as the sea breeze touched me
whenever he looked my way.

I noticed his smile.
A smile that pulled at my ****** muscles so I could grin.
Yes, I saw him.
With new eyes
old eyes
Gay eyes

We use to be Friends with Benefits
We use to go to the bathroom
With one waiting five minutes before going of course
For three minutes of Pleasure

We use to not talk at all only when needed
To set up meetings
I felt like we were spies in a movie
and with every meet we trade secrets
Down each others throats

With every touch thoughts ran through my mind
What if we got caught ?
For this is no ordinary Friends with Benefits
it was one that would be considered Forbidden

Two guys enjoying each others company
In the bathroom
Two guys moving and thrashing about like beasts
to satisfy their thirst    

It lasted for weeks, months, and years
Friends with Benefits
Savoring each time they came together
Each time their hunger for lust was fed

But we are no longer Friends with benefits
I no longer require lust to quiet my growling stomach
I don't need you to take my every inch
To make me move about in ecstasy

No I terminated your services
For I want to save myself for that one person I will love.
I know it seems dumb
since I have already gave myself up for three minutes of pleasure  
Time and time again.
And even though you want more
We can no longer be Friends with Benefits

My love for you is like Violin dubstep
Starting out slowly moving effortlessly as if I were in space
Then it hits with  a bang

Pushing me right
Pushing left
Makes me drop
Makes me rise
Oh , my love for you makes my feet come to life

I get lost in the Rhythm
One Beat
Two beats
Four beats and more
Pulls and plucks my heart string back and forth

Yes , my love for you is like Violin Dubstep
This senstaion that I get is nothing but ecstasy
Winding me up for the big finale
LOVE Oh love is Violin Dubstep

The truth is
I  greater than like you
But less than love you
I am in the middle

This math circles me 'round
I don't know if I should add 20 or take away 20
I don't know if I should multiply by a 100 for the kind words you say
Or If I should divide by 100 for making me feel like crap

Should I square or find the square root
Find The Cosine or the Sine
Divide by 2 because you might love me halfway
or just multiply by zero cause your love is not there

I don't like this Math Problem
This Math Problem of love

Give me your jewels you've hidden so well,
Contained and buried deeply in your heart.
Unearth and place 'em inside my pail
So I may take 'em and remove the shards.
I will polish 'em, before I tell
If your jewels, your love, is what I have sought.

He shot from the sky high above the clouds and found his mark
Shot through the middle, cupid’s arrow pierced my heart
Cruel Cupid, the arrow struck and caused me to fall onto the ground
My head was hit and, no stars but your face circled me round.

My soul melted, my heart burned with cupid’s love spell
You are the one for me and I know that to be true
I want you but if I can’t then oh well
Cupid’s arrow made me love you

Freezing night
Morning heavily damaged
Freezing damage
Freezing
Freezing damage
Don't yet know the full damage to this freezing morning.

The butterflies don't leave me alone.
But then again they have been bothering for a few days now.
Just seeing you the butterflies come back and their wings barley touch me.

The bartender says “It’s time to go”
“Because the moon has clamored high
And the sun was banished low.”

They were only speaking to me
I raised my glass, took a swig
belch, “i’m not even empty.”

They grab and toss it in a bin
The crash of glass, the waste of gin
Pollutes the air and that is when

They spoke. It was stern it was cold
“Get out right now! Before I leave
Your chest all gaped. Your chest all holed.”

“I’m a patron,yet you’ve decided
To push me out into the darkness
Lonesome and unguided”

“There are other bars out there,”
“No need to bother us, They said
I bit my tongue so as not to swear.

I made a choice, a simple choice
To sit and stay at the counter.
I cleared my throat and raised my voice:
“Do what you must. Let it occur,
But understand this, we will not be deterred.”

Dear "Dad",
Thank you.
Thank you for sleeping with my mom that night
Thank you cuddling up with her
Making her feel special
For getting under the covers and giving her the pleasure
Thank you because without that night I would have never been

That's the only thing you ever did right

Thank you for letting me expericence an airplane ride
while I was still in the womb
You gave her money to come here to North Carolina
and then you abandoned me, my sis, and my mom
Thank you

Thank you for not sticking around
For not providing anything for us
even back in LA you did the same
Not A cent you gave to support this baby on the way

Thank you.

I now have a Dad, a real Dad one who has always been there
Even though he divorced my mom
He stuck around and he provided
He is my father

I aksed my mom to let me contact you
I want to see the face
Of the man that provided the other chromosomes to make me
I want to see the guy who loves poetry
I want to see the guy who loved to read
I want to know this man
Because apparntly you past these things to me

But the one big reason why I want to meet you
is because I want to show you the guy I became

This boy that never met his father
This boy who gets good grades in school
This guy who has dealt with a lot
Wants to slam in your face A BIG FAT THANK YOU for not being there
For not helping me play soccer
For not helping with my homework
For not being there while I cried over something stupid

THank you "dad" for not being here because if you were I think I would not have become the person I am and I rather die then not be who I am now

Phones reflect the self within us.
We use covers that show a hint of our personality maybe a panda cover, covers that mask and hide the scratches and bruises but they are still there.
They seem to grow and deepen each day and we have the power to stop it but how do we stop the scratches from showing, stop the smudges from appearing on the screen?
The point is we can't.
If the phone drops, it drops simple as that.
yeah we should make a big deal out of it especially when new scratches appear but we have to pick the phone up.
When it slips and falls again we must again pick it up.
When the screen cracks we feel like we should have put a screen protector on.
Then we try to protect it as much as possible.
We try to prevent the cracks from deepening.
We can't get new phones though, the self might be able to reassemble once cracked but fragments of the older self still remain , it can never be replaced.
We can only try to take care of it like we would our phones.

I did that once
Hid my shame, boxed it away and gave it to my friend the closet  
He was a good friend that kept all my secrets
He would never betray me

I did that once
Laughed at their little jokes that were towards women and girls
They were ****** and had all laughing both in and out but for me it was only out
I boxed my feelings away and gave them to The Closet

I did that once
Shut my eyes tightly and force images of women's privates
And when A thought of a boy or a man entered my mind I would boxed that too
The Closet took it with open arms and hid it away from the light

I did that once
Chose a girl that would help mask me
I hid behind her and used her as a front
When a question arosed I pulled her closer

My closet has hidden many things about me
Things that I have done are carefully wrapped in newspaper
Hiding in the Closet

I did that once
Shed some light on my trueself
and opened The Closet's door a crack
I let some things come out

I did that once and I don't have to do it again
I am no longer ashamed even though I might blush
I love the way I am
I am who I am
The Closet door is Now opened for all to see

Dear Gandia Guerrero,

Girl, I am going to miss you
like the world would miss the sun
Because you bring warmth to me
everyday that you are here

I am going to miss those times when you told me
That I was dumb, I was crazy cause
only you could tell me those things
With a smile on your face

You and me are like thick as theives
But don't theives leave
each other eventually
Lol, nah we ain't never going to do that
Cause I know our paths will cross some day

Keep your head up
Never let anything down except your hair.
Love you and I will miss you

Your BEST GUY FRIEND WHO WILL CRY WHEN YOU LEAVE,
WHO WILL MISS YOU
WHO WILL WIRTE TO YOU WHEN HE CAN
WHO LOVES YOU DEARLY

Francisco D.H

You came in with your "I'm ****" swag
Busy looking through the menu items
that you didn't bother pulling up your pants from their sag.

Your eyes looked over the items with such judgment
This one is too fat
This one is too skinny
This one doesn't know how to have fun
This one can't even compete
Its a wonder that you finally made a choice.

Your mouth watered
Your heart growled desperate to be fed
But the manger told you that they don't have that any more.
So he gave you back your money instead.

This feeling brings my face to show a slight red on the carmel surface
My eyes twitch and open and close rapidly
Who would have thought I would be nervous

You are not my first not even my second
but they were merely covers
you being my third are also my first in my mind

I can't foresee all that might come
The road might me bumpy
It might contain some curves real steep curves
Or it might be smooth as a baby's bottom

I don't know what I might feel
But I am willing to jump in
For I am that type of guy
Who goes ahead pluges head first ignoring the waring sign

I will be honest with you though
If what we have doesnt feel right to me I will say
and If I do feel like it should last forever  ditto
For you deserve the truth no matter what

So as the days start to dwindle to when we can see each other agian
One feeling is all I have
I am Nervous

The failures of the world echo
They fill the skies with uncertainty and fill the air with doubt
But some chose to ignore it
They chose to block out those noises and listen for the sweet Chime of Victory
They let those sounds fill  their hearts
They let Victory win and overcome Failure

Don't leave me behind to pick up the pieces
When All I needed was your kisses
Don't leave me alone to fend for myself
When you go and be with someone else

Cause I am growing tired
Of all these games
Tired
of all these names
Tired
Why can't you change?

Your name echos in my heart
But I don't listen cause you tore me apart
Your name wants to slip out of my mouth
But I stop it, It mustn't come out

Cause I am tired
of all the games
Tired
Of all those names
Tired
I stopped and won't play
Tired
I don't care if you change

I close my heart but only to you
You will no longer be able to break through
I will no longer melt, no longer feel the way I use to
No matter what you try to say, No matter what you try to do

Cause I have grown tired of everything
Tired of your name
Tired of you antics
Tired of trying to show but then being thrown like a used towel
Tired of trying to ignore
Tired of everything you say
Tired of being in dismay
Tired of thinking of you
Tired of worrying about you
Tried of putting myself out there
Tired of feeling naked when I get near you
Tired of ......
I am just tried of you

I let your words fall like rain drops upon my skin.
Let them hit lightly then watch them inch there way down and pool together.
Watch them collect, one by one until a drop falls onto the ground.
But like Rain drops on a cool September day they don't bother me.

Each bite filled the hole with Sugar and Calories
Kept me full with chocolate chips
But not a single cookies could help his heart.

I don't wanna lasso the moon for ya
I wanna lasso the infinite space.
The moon ain't gonna be in yo heart cause
Unlike the moon, space never goes t'waste.

“If you're not going to use your free speech to criticize your own government, then what the hell is the point of having it?”
"It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen.”
"One has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws.”

Tu eres mi amor, you are my love
and tu tienes mi corazón para siempre

Nothing can compare to the love I have for you
Not the sun or the Luna
Nor las  estrellas
you are the goddess(more of a god) of fortune and good luck, Fortuna

The love for you has been building up
Like a volcano and it wants to explode
its fuegos artificiales going up in the sky

Tu eres mi amor
and you have my heart forever

You are my love

I saw the future and it was seeping with despair.
The women forever held there breaths as the children longed for death.
The men drunkenly gouged logic from everyone's head
Consumed The logic then fell, falling, dead.
And it continued for none of them cared.

"Colored"

E-Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y         X

F-R-E-E-D-O-M           X

I-N-T-E-G-R-A-T-I-O-N   X

S-E-G-R-E-G-A-T-I-O-N     ✔

O-P-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N         ✔

I-N-E-Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y          ✔

"Colored"

Wine pools, trickles into the water.
The stench of cooper is strong.

When I saw you make your way towards the door
My stomach went all weird
I felt a tingle, first small than a bit more

My friend has told me that it is nothing but obsession
But would I get this tingle in my stomach
This feeling that makes my cheek warm
This feeling that makes me look away
This feeling that I call love

I felt happiness when my eyes rested on you
But then sadness overcame me like a sickness
Showering with me sorrow
For I know I can only look but never touch

This sorrow that hangs over me like a cloud
Is just the constant reminder
But then that feeling turns to Jealousy
When I see you hang around and cling to that person
I want that to be me but I know that it will never be me  
I feel like ripping them from your arms
Like tearing them to shreds for being with you
But.... I can't

I love you and I know it is true
Why else would I feel like this with you
Why else would I look at you and just dream of resting upon your chest
Why else would I feel like you are my whole world, the sun, the moon and the stars

I want you but I can't have you
So I just stay at bay.
Wanting for this love to be a two way street
Not just one way

But it won't
So I love you but it's not returned

The rain pelts the window,
The Boyfriend who tries to get my attention,
Throwing its rocks at the window,
But I ignore and continue on with my work.

Mrs. Livingston wants a paper written
A 5 page paper
And Things like annoying rain mustn’t distract me.

Though the rain is easy to ignore
There is one thing that I can’t ignore.
Him.
He is there in the back of my mind
Occupying the space where numbers from math class should be,
Where my History homework on Napoleon should be,
Where He shouldn’t be.

Golden eyes flash before me once the room goes white,
A scent seduces my nose though it’s in my mind
Just a memory brought back to life
A ghost intruding when it need not.

Why? Why can’t he leave me alone?
Yet I know it’s not him that’s in the wrong
It’s me
And My gay ways.

Latching onto him
Clasping his words in its hands
Soaking up every syllable
Every word
Everything about him
Like a sponge soaking up the bubbles , suds, water, and germs.

The paper! I must get back to the paper!
He can’t be in my mind when I have much writing to do.
But
I like him.
More than like him.

I remember when at first I dug my heels into the ground
Refusing to fall
Then as time went on
The heels got eroded
The ground beneath me got eroded
My determination was eroded.
And
I
Fell.

An object forced to the ground not because of gravity
But because he had something about him
Something that made my body sing,
With bulking, twisting, and jittering.

Was it his smile?
That one little curve.
That one little curve with such shine
And such sweetness
It could melt ice
And have more sugar than a pack of Hershey Kisses.

Maybe his hair?
The constant loops
Of Wheat
Of sand
Of soft wool.
Taking me on a ride that never seem to end.

Or perhaps his Words and Speech?
The constant dragging out words
The sweet tune of the Hillbilly in his vocals.
Lost in his words that never made sense
Until I thought more of it.

Or maybe his demeanor?
The laid back student who dreams of going cross country in a van.
The one who seems to have everything figured when he can’t figure if he is up or down.
The one who attracts the negative and it turns to problems
The one who surprises me with his out of the blueness.
And takes me on such a high that it shatters by heart when he drops me.

I have to stop.
He is taken from me
That is a thought I mustn’t forget.
Why spend this time
Thinking
Wanting
Loving
Liking
Wishing
Hoping
When he has been taken from me.
I must finish the paper.
I don’t have much time.

you are gone agian this time for two weeks
and for what?
For Skipping class for HIM, that guy you say you don't like
You say you are not gay or even Bi and yet you spend time with him

I am glad you got caught
you know why?
Cause it is your punishment for all the wrong you have done
Never learning from your mistakes
For playing with my heart
For the things you have done to your sister
for the things you have done To yourself

I feel like I should just give up on you
Just leave you alone and forget
But My heart cries out no
My mind says no
My body says no
Eveything cries out no

I love you ,you stupid ,cant you see
I shed tears when i found out
I dont know if i can handle it
You told Her, Sam,  that you cut yourself for her
and you know what i saw
A girl who doesnt care for you
She rolled her eyes and they screamed " I dont care"
But guess what I do

I care if you cry
I care if you get hurt
I care if you hurt yourself
I care IF you get Suspeneded
I Care with ever fiber of my being
But it seems that you don't

WHY?????

Excuse me as I rant.

I am tried of trying to inhale religious  expectations
expecting it to restore some coloration
Within the walls of my longing to be accepted soul
Because once I inhale
I'm drowning with rules and regulations
Suffering by asphyxiation.
On one hand I am told not to fall into temptation
On the other my fingers count the scars of self mutilation.
And they wonder why there's lack of communication
When most spit their words calling us abominations.
But Franny that's what they believe
yeah and I believe their teachings are a form of defecation.
you see what I mean, it's all 'bout interpretation
They see lustful behavior needing modification
I see nature and nurture working in collaboration.
because I am more than just a concept of sexualization.
Because I am more than God's "Mistaken creation"

There was something about the silence
Something about the “Our little secret”, “Don’t tell anybody” silence
That kept intruding into our conversations
On Friday afternoons

The silence was the ex-boyfriend
Who ****** his “I love you’s” and “Baby”s
Right from his lips.

The silence was the ex-husband
Who demanded him to pay for everything
With him avoiding eye contact as acceptable payment.

The silence was the ex-lover
Who stole the romance
As it slowly got of his bed taking with it his words and love.

The silence was the reason I stopped talking to him.

One, Two, three punches to the brain
He tries but he can't hold the pain
So he lets go the only way he knows how
and let his Rainbow tears fall down

******, Queer, ***, circle him with fire
He feels them as they cut him like wire
He lets his face get covered in his rainbow tears
as he begins to show all his fears

Run, Run ,Run away and not look back
Don't think of them just run and don't look back
He sheds the rainbow drops but he smiles
After all the harsh treatment he still lives by the Rainbow Style

Rainbow tears dry
No longer he cries
He waves the seven colors with pride like he wanted to all those years
As they fall, happy Rainbow tears

Oh that night was great
With dresses, some pink, some white, and some abnormal
With suits all blue, pink, and red
But one stood out
A suit that was white as snow
A suit with a red tie and Handkerchief
That suit has caught my eye

There is no escaping the feelings that compass my path.
They lead to you every time.
You are North,
South,
East,
West.

I love you; those words were spoken with honey
But I could not allow it to pull my heart
Though sugar coated those words were
I knew that you were lying to me

A touch you gave sent chills of warmth
But hidden in that touch was not love but deception
A hidden agenda you had but what?
Do I stay or do I go forth?

**** love for it blinds me
Causes me to see past what I shouldn’t
Makes me melt when I should stand firm
**** you love, this shouldn’t be

I don’t know anymore as I listen to your angelic voice
Falling hard for you, afraid of hitting stone
Can’t find the power to resist, This love is powerful
I feel like my hands are tied like there is no choice

**** this love for what it puts me through
Ecstatic to see you but then I cry
For I want you to be with me
Oh, **** this love that made me love you

The light dims and the ground is covered in shadow.
As I sit on the damp grass I feel a breeze.
A cool breeze that makes my skin tense slightly
A cool breeze that makes my shiver slightly.

The clouds wander around in the sky
playing with each other.
The sun sinks over the hills letting everything be covered by darkness.

I don't move from my position and inhale the scents that surround me.
A scent from the trees and flowers twirl and fill my nostrils
A scent from the grass tries to intrude.

The morning will be here in short time
But I can't wait for it.
So I get up and go home.

Leaving the damp grass behind.

"If life gives you lemons make lemonade"
Okay understandable. but what if life gave me limes.
Do I throw it back and expect a lemon in return?
Or Do I try my best to make lemonade with limes?

I ate a drumstick
      And thought of your love
            Thick, juicy, and the cause of high cholesterol.

Then, I ate a cupcake
    And thought of your best-friend
              Sweet, Soft, and good when I take a bite.

I remember when you sat next to me
you and your curly Blonde hair
and those blue eyes cut me so deep
I remember so vividly

Man. your rough looking hands were so appealing
I just wanted to grasp them as they went towards my own
But instead of your hand fitting like a puzzle piece, you took my Walkman

"What are you listeing to?" you asked
"Marry you by Bruno Mars" I said. you took an ear piece and began to listen
you began to sing and I was melting
you turned to me and sang that song for me but you weren't serious
But still i melted

This memory and so many are fading
Like when we held hands as a joke
and you pulled back saying " I Never held another guys hand."


How cute you were.

or how bout when the times you sat next to me on the ride home and you would just stare at me when i wasnt looking yes I noticed
Man, I wanted to lean on you

those memories are fading, maybe
For I might fall for antoher
we are just talking but who knows
I can't have you because you are not gay, or bi thats what you say

I love you enough to just believe it
Anthony, man just saying your name is like a drug,  I love you
But you and these memories might be fading, maybe

I might have found another Guy
one who might like me and I might like in return
If you do like me but dont want to admit it then
Please hurry
But if you are really are straight then its good
that you might be Fading, maybe

The sun sent a kiss through
The window but it never landed on his lips.
The sun tried to feel
his rounded his face
but he left with the shadows
Preventing the sun's radiant fingers
from
Caressing his face.
I too sent a kiss
         Tried to feel
but my advancements
were met with
dodging behind the shadows
Pulling back at the last second
avoidance of every kind.
We stare with tear stricken eyes
from a distance
while our anger
Consumes all logic
Releasing jealousy
whenever
someone grows
near.