honeysuckle heart, beating so fast
listen in sin the hummingbirds sing
and devour the poisonous pollen

i have seen scarred wrists and burns and bruises marring the bodies of beautiful girls, countable ribs and thigh gaps and jutting hip bones.

boys destroying themselves in puffs of smoke and empty pill bottles, dry coughs coming from ruined lungs.

but nothing triggers me like you do.

To the boys who just want to touch me
You must know that I am not a momentary happiness type of person
Overthinking is my forté
My name is not chastity
Nor is it easy rather
Difficult and complicated
Hard to crack open
There is no sweet center waiting to be divulged
I am more like the sun
A ball of pure fire that burns at the touch
Anxious at the thought of unfamilar palms and fingertips
Meant to be admired from a distance
I will warn you not to get close to me
For magnets swim in my blood
And I cling to no extent
I am
Surrounded by a force field
I do not let down my guard
So if you want to touch me
You must first
Learn to love me.

I got two letters from you
Last words of the runaway
Your love was written so true
And now I can't speak your name.

I faced destruction and you
Just killed me and walked away
I gave my heart to the cruel
Now it will not beat again.

No one will ever know you
Deny the last one who cares
Intoxicate with the new
Pretend I'm no longer here.

I opened my heart to you
You lied just to reach inside
Now with the faith you removed
Our hope for forgiveness dies.

I've seen my darkest days
You gave each one to me
I've seen my darkest days
You gave each one to me
You have been lost for days
May you find my darkness dreadfully.

Just like you, you made me suffer
I hope you , I hope you suffer.

You ruined me and now you are ruining my poetry, stomping your way onto every line and using the only thing I ever found comfort in as a way to twist the knives within my back and heart.