I can't stop myself now.
And I didn't think of you this time, except to note 'he was better.'
she is the kind of girl
you meet when you are so young
that the love overwhelms you
but now you will know loss
for the rest of your life.
alfie said 'heaven is real'
now I can't wait to go home.
thank you, you lil Angel.
I almost took the funeral thing down because it doesn't quite go with my room. I am so sorry. I sometimes see you out of the corner of my eye. Thank you for being there when it is difficult and I want to die.
Whenever it will be, I am looking forward to coming home. I wonder what it is like to be in a place where all the small things we worry about are so unimportant. I will see you soon lil buddy. Smokes on me.
30th November 18:47
at the hands of someone else, my collar bone is bruised but not broken. he didn't understand my body like you, let alone my soul. he probably thinks I don't have one and maybe I will too if I say it enough.
I am so, so very sorry.
I don't think heartbreak gets easier after your first love, I think you just learn to love less.
I hope you smell me, get a hint of my shampoo as you brush the hair off of her shoulder
or her eyes are the same colour as mine, a shade of Autumn you would say. Smell me in the mixture of potions as you walk past the perfume shop, you can't quite put your finger on one. Smell me in the baby oil, an act of such pure intentions taking us back to our earliest days.
I hope you see me, in clubs
the back of a head from some stranger whose hair is the same colour and I am haunting your memory do u feel it
or do you see me in the faded face in a passing car window that makes your heart jump and your eyes double take. see me as a ghost on the streets we use to walk
close your eyes and hear me laughing as we leave, drunk
and decide where to eat
footsteps clip clop and occasional stumbling
I hope you hear me, in my favourite song as it comes on the radio
or in the strings of the violins tear at your heart strings when you play the orchestra solo at Christmas. or hear me in the cheesy songs and imagine me, the way I'd put my hands in the air and pop my hip. shaking my hair and see the music, pure life in my eyes.
most of all I wish you could feel me, now.
put a hand around my waist and move my hair off my neck. lay a kiss on my cheek as I sleep and you say I am 'blowing bubbles'
and maybe you will taste me
in the back of her mouth as you knelt and she said yes and it will taste like poison because it's been too many years to take back and you know, now, it should've been me all along.
to be in love
who loves you back