You flash me that smirk I know way too well.
One that I have tried to shield myself from but have failed miserably.

I thought avoiding you was moving on.
I thought being with someone else was moving on.

But when you walked back into my life and decided to tell me you miss me, I was reeled back in.

Your voice, your laugh, the colour of your eyes, the prominent shape of your jawline; they were all my thoughts could circle.
Everything I thought I had forgotten about you came in and drowned me, reminding me of all the suppressed feelings I tried not to show.

You were my temptations.
And a hug turned into begging for a kiss.
And begging for a kiss turned into explaining I had a boyfriend.
And explaining I had a boyfriend turned into wondering, if it really came down to it, who would I choose?

But then my brain starts to kick in and tell me no.
It tells me what could have been.
What should have been.
What wouldn't have been.

I care too much.
I really do.
I care about
you
and her
and him
and them
I care about life.
I care so much
that I neglect myself
I neglect my wants
my needs.
I have been providing so much light for others,
that I have let my world grow dark.
I am too busy feeding other people compliments,
that I have left myself starving.
I can't decide
who matters more.
I worry about being conceded
so I discard myself completely.
I care too much

Sorry I hurt you,
That was my bad,
I was experimenting on your feelings,
I wasn't thinking straight,
I'm sorry I complicate you,
I'm sorry that I am awkward,
And not very confident,
Guess that's why guys come after us.
Sorry that i can't express myself properly,
I guess I'm afraid of opening up and being hurt again.

But I accept the pain,
I'll even take the blame,
You did warn me things will fly...south,
Yet you loved me all the same.

I'm sorry that i don't give you the time you deserve,
And address the pain
Instead of giving myself false hope.

I'm sorry I have so many insecurities,
And not a very strong personality to cover for it.

I'm sorry that i put everyone first but you,
That i cry every day,
That i wish we were like those girls;
Pretty,
Have Guys running after them,
They aren't awkward like us.

I'm sorry I feel helpless all the time,
ThatI never talk to you,
That I'm so shy.

I'm sorry that some girls are jealous of me,
And think I have it all,
I don't know why they think that,
Beauty is on the inside,
Only tears,cuts and bruises are in there.

I'm sorry that I am so emotional,
That i am hurt,
That's my fault.


I'm sorry that I don't love you enough,
That I bury all the pain and you alongside it.

I'm sorry that I am so fake,
Smile,
My fixed expression through pain and sorrow,
I hope for the best while expecting the worst.

I'm sorry that i try to fight for everything,
But I can't even help myself.


                              Jonesy 2016 ©

No terrorist ever thinks,
"I wonder how much art I've inspired"
No artist ever thinks,
"I want a terrorism attack as inspiration"
How many lives must be taken?
How many different forms of art must respond?
Twin towers
World trade center
Paris
Nice
Orlando
Munich
How much longer must we live in hell?
Aren't we the generation if change?
Whatever this ******* is
It needs to stop
Right ******* now
I wonder,
What's next
I know,
I'm terrified
I want to be,
Ready for whatever you have to throw my way

Flames licked his skull as the fire took its pleasure.
Hell was the only one to seem like a redeemer.
He layed in the lake of fire
Condemned by Christianity.
He was called a ***
He had a boyfriend
They found out
The church
Ripped them out like cancer.
They never wanted
A "****" to worship  their god.
Anyone else would be forgiven
Murderer
forgiven
******
forgiven
Thief
forgiven
H­omosexual
send em to hell
They are supposed to love all
But they rally against them
And bring violence to the front.
Christians
Follow what you preach
These people dont deserve your hate.
God tells to love all
Yet you hurt lgbtq
And you wonder why
Less and less followers
*go to church